——————

Scar: *writes: "RESERVED SEATING - meanies only" on a box*

Jellie: *sits in the box*

Scar: :o

——————

Beef: so someone broke into my house. They didn't steal the TV, just the remote. Now every so often they walk by and change the channels. 

Etho: wasn't me

——————

Mumbo, walking out of a bathroom on the verge of tears: I'm traumatized 

Iskall: what happened?

Mumbo: SOMEONE BROUGHT AN ENTIRE BAG OF CHOPPED RED UNIONS AND THREW IT IN THE TOILET! 

Iskall: are you crying because they were chopped or because it simply happened?

Mumbo: yes

[an hour ago] 

Grian: how funny would it be if I dropped this entire thing in the toilet?

Taurtis: very 

——————

Xisuma: I got sick, so I visited myself. 

Keralis: show me a picture 

Xisuma: *pulls out a picture of him in bed and also him standing next to his bed*

Keralis: ...

——————

Grian: so we're having complaints about my cats walking around the barge.

Impulse: so?

Grian: to solve that I hired my cats. Impulse, meet your new coworkers, Maui and Pearl.

——————

Cleo: sometimes I like to hide Joe's glasses and decrease the font size on his communicator. 

Joe: so that's why I found my glasses in the fridge.

——————

Scar: I planted an entire forest by myself. 

Grian, in the background: AND I TOOK IT DOWN!

——————

False: I was told at an airport that my luggage was 2kg over the weight limit. So I wore 2.5kg of clothes to spite them.

——————

Grian: before I die I'm gonna eat an entire unpopped bag of popcorn to make the cremation more interesting. 

——————

Etho, texting the nHo: a bear broke into my house and started playing the piano. How do I encourage them?

Doc: give head pats

Etho: okay 

——————

Everyone: *at Wels's funeral*

Pre-recorded message of Wels: Let me out, it's dark in here!

——————

Scar: before you join HEP, what's the worst crime you've committed?

Mumbo: I put fake arrow signs on the floor in IKEA. 

——————

Stress: describe yourself in 5 words.

Cleo: Rule breaker.

——————

Grian: I was peacefully on the train, and this man, I KID YOU NOT, just assembled an ENTIRE CHAIR in the middle of the ride.

Doc, sitting on his newly made wooden chair: 

——————

Tango: what's your best achievement?

Zedaph: I used to be lactose intolerant. Then I engineered a bacteria to cure that, I ate it, then ate to large extra cheesy pizzas. And I didn't feel gross at all. 

Impulse: 0-o

——————

Xisuma: can you watch my tea? I need to go to the shopping district.

Keralis: okay! 

[an hour later] 

Keralis: *still staring at the tea*

——————

Mumbo: I'm tired of people walking all over me. So I dressed up as a lego.

——————

Grian: you're adopted 

Jrumbot: wow, you have really bad taste.

——————

xB: two days ago I set my WiFi name to: "hack it if you can" and today it changed to "Challenge accepted"

——————

Beef: love you

Grian: love you too

Beef: more then your cats?

Grian: know your limits.

——————

That's it.