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God is this fucking stupid. I'm absolutely terrified of my younger brother or...just him being near me makes me anxious. I don't know how to explain it.

He finds everything and anything to point out about me. If I do it, if he doesn't like it, he'll say it. Judge it. Tell people. Laugh at it. Mock it. Hell he's fucking 9 for crying out loud and I'm 15 and here I am freezing up when he says something or when he enters a room.

My heart starts to race and I start to wonder what else is he gonna bring up to me now. The fact that I was slightly upset with him last night? Or the fact I didn't help bring up laundry baskets?? My tone? Or that I ate to much? Or to little?? He always found a way to make my blood boil and my hands get wet from sweat. I can feel myself hyperventilate.

I found that I've been avoiding him the past two weeks. I just didn't want to hear him saying something rude to me. Everyone thinks I'm mean to him? HA what I fucking joke. He's mean to me, I just say shit back because it's a defense mechanism. Hell I have anger issues. If I feel threatened my words come out to play first before my mind filters them.

He constantly calls me fat, and if I don't eat a lot. He'll point that out to. If I weigh myself. He tries to stand by the scale, so he can tell me that he weighs less and then proceed to name people who weigh less than me. But it's stupid. He's a child. I shouldn't feel so.....useless...worthless standing next to him. But I do. No one defends me in the house in fact they love to do it to. Pointing out small things. But for some reasons, it just hurts more coming from him. Maybe. It's cause I know he means every word. Every jab. Punch. Hit. Stab.

Everyone says "he's younger than you, you're older. Grow up, and stop taking it so seriously" but God I take everything to heart.

Everything.

All of it.