I told Ale about my ab pains and about how it felt like a baby was kicking my kidneys and before we parted he said "Don't have kids. Or let them kick your kidneys."

And I started laughing and he said "Don't have sex. Don't have sex in the missionary position. Don't have sex standing up. Just...don't do it. Because you will get pregnant. And you will die. Okay now here's a condom."