On the bright side, Bee's got a girlfriend

It came about like this:

Me: Yeah. That mock trial was nuts.
Bee: Oh that reminds me. So-I think it was last week- my girlfriend sent me this meme-
Me: Wait, "girlfriend"?
Bee: Yeah, that was one of the reasons why I said that Sophomore year was like the Hump Day of High School. Cuz during that year, I was constantly in a state of "Am I 100% gay with a few girl crushes, or am I 50-50 bi being sexually attracted to both men and women?" And back in *******, I started hanging out with my now-girlfriend, we started to become friends, and then I slowly started liking her, and I realized that she wasn't some girl-crush I had, like, I actually, legitimately liked her. I could picture her being in my life, 'n all.
Me: Awww.
Bee: Yeah, and she's really funny, like, we have the same taste in memes. And she is really kind. And she's just...just really nice. Like...d'ya know that feeling that ya get whenever you see that special person in the halls and your heart jumps and your body kinda shakes a bit and your brain goes kinda like "Holy fucking shit! There they are!" And it's like...I felt that feeling after I saw her at school and it like... Honestly, I thought that feeling would go away after we started dating, but it hasn't. Every time we hug, hold hands, kiss, even after I see her, I still get that feeling, ya know? It's like I'm excited to see her!
Me: Awwww!!
My Brain: HIS SOFT SIDE!! HE'S SO RELAXED!! HE'S SPEAKING SO CALMLY!! HE'S NOT LOUD!! HE'S NOT CUT-DRY SERIOUS!! AND HIS LITTLE SOFT SMILE!! AND HIS EYES ARE SO SOFT!! I THINK IM GONNA FUCKING CRY!!!
Me: Okay, coming from a woman who has known you for 7 years, dude, I think I can say this with complete authority.
Bee: Hmm?
Me: You were the first person to talk to me 7 years ago. 7 long, long years ago. You have been my rock, my friend, my best friend, my brother, for all these years. We have seen each other in our darkest of times, and she is going to see yours in another point of view. Now I have been a part of your life for the past 7 years through a platonic relationship, and she has been a part of your life for these few months-and hopefully many more, based on how happy you two are- through a romantic relationship. Now, with that being said, I'm going to say this, and I mean it wholeheartedly. Bee, if she hurts you, in any way, shape or form, I will hunt her down, and the switchblade of words will come right out of my mouth and drill right into her stomach. Because I will not sit by and watch as my brother gets beaten down by the girl he loves. I may be a pipsqueak, but I'm the devil in disguise after you've pissed me off by hurting my friends.