These happened at Ale's party yesterday

-Jak: *gets home*
Joe: Oh yay, somewhat-of-an-adult supervision. Now we can play "Cards Against Humanity".
Jak: HEY!! I'M 21!! I'M AN ADULT!!
Dar: *sarcastically* Yeah, and I'm Oprah.

-All: *playing "Personally Indirect"*
Ale: Will have- *flips card* "Thunder thighs" in it.
Joe: That's gonna be my super hero name cuz I mean, *spanks thigh* lookit these bad boys!
Dev: I dunno...I mean, I think I'm given you some competition!
Ale: Men, *points at my thighs* she tHICC!!
Dar: You three may have thick thighs, but how's dat ass with the thighs?
Dev: Men, after just previously being at wrestling practice, I present to you: "My ass"!! *cups his ass*
Joe: *strikes a pose and juts his ass out* Need I say more~?
Log: *majorly eyeing at Dev and Joe's asses* This is tight competition. Now you, *points to me* turn.
Ale: *glares at him*
Log: To the side.
Jak: Oh shit, you just got "Dad's Death Glare"! Holy fuck!
Me: *turns*
Log: I think she may win, but how do they feel?
Sam: *cups Dev's ass* Soft, but firm.
Log: Okay!
Lyn: I'll get Ruthie's!
Me: *jumps and turns to her* Nonono! Flattered, but no thanks.
Ale: *smirks and wiggles his eyebrows* *grabs my ass*
Me: Oh my god... *nervously chuckles*
Ale: Praise be Booty Gods!
Log: Very nice. *looks intensely at Joe's ass* Sorry dude, but compared to them, your ass is as flat as cardboard-
Joe: *turns around and slaps Log into the New World*

-Me and Ale: *getting a hoodie in Ale's room*
Dar and Log: *see us go upstairs* *follow us upstairs*
Ale: *grabs his three winter hoodies* Okay, so which one do you want?
Dar: *in the halls* Yo Ale, what're ya doin?
My Brain: Make a fake Square Up.
Me: Why the fuck don't you bother to text me anymore?! Don't you love me?!
Ale: H-huh? Yes I love you! Where the hell did this come from?!
Me: Well you sit on your phone all the fuckin time and you text your friends, but heavens forbid you text me back!
Ale: *huffs* Just take a hoodie. We'll talk about this later.
Me: The school one, and we're talking about this now!!
Ale: *hands me the hoodie* Okay, out!
Me: No! If you want me out, you're gonna hafta carry my fat ass out! You won't! You can't-
Ale: *heaves me over his shoulder effortlessly*
My Brain: Shit you can-
Ale: *walks downstairs, though the small crowd of people, and throws me out in the dumping rain*
Me: Hey!!
Ale: *locks the door*
Me: Hey!!
Dev: What was that for?
Ale: Nugget out there thought it would be fun to square up to me, then tell me that I couldn't carry her out.
Dab: But she's like this *puts her hand at my height* and you're like this. *puts her hand at Ale's height*
Ale: Exactly!
Me: *knocks on the window* *puts hands on semi-warm window and panting from being too cold*
Ale: Are ya done?
Me: *nods head*
Ale: Ya gonna drop the attitude?
Me: *nods head*
Ale: Can you feel anything?
Me: *shakes head*

-All: *playing "Cards Against Humanity"*
Log: "What will I find in Hell?" *turns over card* "Jennifer Lawrence".
Dar: I don't know..
Dev: I mean...Jennifer Lawrence in a skimpy outfit in Hell ain't no Hell, that shit's Heaven!
Jak, Joe, Log, And Dar: True!
Ale: Amen!
Sam and Me: *wait 10 seconds for some kind of "I didn't mean that wholeheartedly, babe" (Dev) or "She may look good in that, but you'd look better" (Ale)*
Jak: *mouths* Take 'em out.
Me: *pulls Ale's beanie over his head*
Sam: *pushes Dev's head into the carpet* EAT CARPET, SHITHEAD!!
Me: SHE WAS MEAN TO STARLORD!! WHO COULD BE MEAN TO PRATT?! IF YOU'RE MEAN TO PRATT, YOU DESERVE TO BE IN HELL!!

-Me: *getting ready to leave*
Ale: Okay babe, see ya Monday.
Me: See ya. *kisses him*
Sam and Dev: Awww!!
Me: *getting my boots on*
Log: Why didn't you ever kiss me like that?!
Ale: Cuz I didn't really love you!!
Log: Is this why you never went in all the way?!
Ale: Oh, so now you're using the fucking context clues?! Yes-
Dev: Wait a minute...this may just be me jumping to conclusions, but I'm just making an inference here. Ale, you say you never kiss Log like that because you never loved him, thus why you never went in, but you kissed Ruthie like that  because you love her right?
Ale: Yeah.
Sam and Dev: *slowly looks at me, smirking*
Dev: WELL THEN!!
Sam: How far'd he go?
Me: .... *slowly backs into the kitchen*