*kinda gross*
Me: *talking to Bee on the phone* *making brownies*
Bee: *laughs*
Me: Really? *puts rubber spatula handle in mouth so I can carry some things*
Bee: Yeah! So then I said to Cha-
Me: *bangs accidentally touches batter-coated spatula handle* *takes spatula out of mouth* Oh-sonuvabitch!!
Bee: What jew do?
Stepdad: *same time* What happened?
Me: *wiping bangs and spatula handle* Oh, I accidentally got brownie batter in my hair! *wipes face* And on my face.
Stepdad: Well that's not good.
Bee: *laughing* Jesus fucking Christ!
Me: *laughs* Oh shuddit Bee!
Bee: *calms down*
Me: *calms down*
Bee: *fiddling with his guitar*
Me: *finishing the brownies*
Bee: Lets be honest though.
Me: Hm?
Bee: At least it wasn't my cum.
Me: *shuts of mixer* *i tHINK I WAS BLUSHING IDFK*
Bee: Oh shit.
Me: BEE'S FULL NAME!!!
Bee: *starts laughing*
Me: You better consider yourself lucky as FUCK that you're not here right now!!
Bee: Why? Cuzzuh yer stepdad?
Me: Well there's him, *dumps brownie batter in tray and puts tray in oven* but if you were here and you said that, I woulda beat your ass so hard, it woulda soared straight back home!!
Bee: *laughs* ITS FUNNY CUZ ITS SO FUCKING TRUE!!!
Me: *hears someone else laughing* IS GUY SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU?!?!?
Bee: *laughing* HE'S BEEN HERE THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME!!!
Me: WHADDAHFUCK?!?!