Note: This has absolutely nothing to do with me, nobody worry, I'm fine

As you stare up at the ceiling you realize your world is slowly crumbling around you

Nothing makes sense anymore, nothing needs to. Why would it? You're a confusing person anyway

You used to be on so often, always there, always dependable, but that's changed. You've changed 

You haven't updated anything in forever

You barely talk to most of your friends anymore

You've been missing too much school

All these feelings swell up inside you, half wanting to change back, half not. Half knowing you can't, half knowing you can

You think and think, maybe a little too much

You realize the best way out of it is to just leave, just die, even though you know you're too weak to actually end it all. You start collecting pills anyway, pencil sharpener blades, pocket knives, scissors, matches, anything, anything that'll get you even close to the end

But deep inside you know, you'll never be able to actually do it, so you try to just forget, maybe if you can forget everything, you can become a remotely good person

So you look around and find some wine, you drink it and like it, you find whiskey, but it tastes so gross you almost throw up, you find beer and decide it's okay

Your parents start to notice you're a little off, calling you depressed, but having no idea just how out of it you really are

You notice you look a little too fat and try to starve yourself, but that doesn't work, so you just start throwing up everything you eat

You start talking more and more about death, and other morbid things, like how to turn people to soap or a chair or trampoline, the best ways to murder people

You start having more and more nightmares, hallucinations, flashbacks

You spend your nights crying, and your days wishing you could

Your parents get you a therapist, but it just makes everything worse, talking about your problems-admitting you even have problems-it's hard, it causes you anxiety

You tell her one thing from years ago and she keeps asking how you feel about it, how you felt then, what happened after, if you'd told anybody, she makes you do activities about it, but all she can do is apologize and ask questions

You have a girlfriend that you're not sure you love anymore, but you're such a horrible person that you keep forgetting to break up with her

Friends from school notice you're not there a lot anymore, they start to question you and you don't know what to say

You know you need to go to school, but why? Why do you need to do anything? Why does anyone need to do anything? Because the government wants to keep us in order

You realize how corrupt the human race is, so you start praying-to no one, or nothing in particular-that someone would just come along and wipe out the human race, let all the other animals stay because they haven't done anything wrong, just wipe out the humans, we act like we own the world, like we're more important than the other animals, but we're not, we don't, we make things up to feel smart, but we don't even have a common language between all of us, at least other animals can all understand each other

Then we go and we kill the other animals for no reason, other than we're hungry and don't wanna eat plants

We waste their meat, we waste them, we're causing them to depopulate

We're horrible

Why do we even exist? Do we even exist?

Then you wonder why you even think like this, why you're like this, you have to be the only person in the world to think like this

You ask for death, wish for it, but nothing works

In the end you're still here, still living in this corrupt world

So you cry, you try to write your feelings out, but nothing works, nothing ever works

You try writing this poem, but you realize you just keep droning on and on and can't find a good place to stop

So you cry some more, you lay down and just lay there