... Im in highschool... In case you didnt know...

So, there's nothing like the pressure of "what do you want to do?" "What job do you think will suit you?" "What activity makes you the most happy?"

Nonstop. Most of the time questions are about college or a career...

But...

I have no idea what i want to be... ive already wasted my first year with electives that wont help in my favorite activities. I cant see myself working in a movie studio. Or anything related to Spanish, no offense if any was taken... im... not very good with Spanish! I can kinda read and write it... I just... im not very fluent... of course I only have half a year of the class, but... ill stick with my native language- English...

So, I have no idea what I want to be! And my ideas have changed so much over the years. First a teacher, Sea World trainee thing, veterinarian, Writer, Counselor/therapist (somewhere in that category). And in my math class, there are triangles from the beginning of the year, and with the joys of sitting in the back of the class and being smart enough to finish rather quickly, i read the surrounding triangles ALOT. And one of the questions was "what do you want to be?" Or somethin' like that. An obvious begining of the year question. My triangle seems to be the only one that says 'Im not sure...' word for word, depressing dots and all! I have no clue!

Well... that isnt fully true...

I really want to be a writer of some sort...

I dont think i could explain how much i love writing. Hearing the sound of lead scribbling on paper. Seeing others smile after reading something of mine. I love when they compliment or ask questions. And if they hate it... I can try harder. I still have a notebook filled with journal entries from... 6th or 7th grade. I currently have an essay taped on the cabinet, its just a random ass story involving all my eighth grade classmates. We're all insane or going insane and were neighbors and uh... hehe, id show you the copy buuut it has real names and shit, so i cant.

I still remember, in third grade, our teacher passed out thick ass packets. It had a picture, and the resr of the pages were blank and lined. The picture was a turkey, holdin up an empty sign, our job was to write what we think was on the sign.

I may not have been creative, but i was the first one finished and it was by far my favorite assignment. Id immediatly work on the others as soon as they were set on my desk. I loved them! Unlike second grade, i was free to write whatever. Choose the path. Same thing in 4th, every morning we gad a minuete to write as much as possible! I really liked that teacher! She liked me as well. We did alot of writing and art! It was amazing... but... she moved and we got... Emily's mother... who hated me... but i was friends with her daughter... so yay conflict... sixth we didnt do much writing, alot of history... secrets about slavery and shit... people are idiots for that whole era! Seventh we had a journal entry every day, but! If you didnt want to write about thw topic on the board you didnt have to! I really liked that teacher... but, i now know he wasnt the best at his job. Making eighth grade really difficult. And eighth grade had a journal entry every day, and a few other writing projects not much though. But I did have Wattpad, and i was writing a story in a notebook so it kinda balanced out. And highschool... its just reading... so next year, im dropping out of english honors and going to normal english... whats the point of advanced shit when it wont help me...

And thats the point... it wont help. I went into english honors in hopes of writing elaborate stoties and poems and shit... but were just reading... thats fine. I dont mind that,  im a nerd when it comes to books...

I... I love writing so much... having the freedom to make entertaining stories, or elaborate books with twisted plots... i want to be a writer... but... they wont exist... no one cares anymore.... theres probably 3% og people who still read in this generation. I mean books. Paper books. Not digital shit. No one reads newspapers. No one reads books. No. One. Cares. Anymore...

Its just like The Last Book In The Universe by Rodman Philbrick...

Hehe..... i wish i was born a few decades ago... then if have a chance...

Everyone is right... 'youre not writing, youre typing. Youre not talking to them, youre texting. Youre not a writer.'

It would be pointless to become a writer... so what else can I do?

Help people? I kinda want to do that... playimg into a councleor or therapist... so im taking a peer mediation class next year... hopefully i like it... if not... im screwed...

Im sorry i dragged you into this... I just had to vent... I'll just go...