I........

Im struggling to find the words...

Mostly because i dont get it...

I- ok...

So.... no matter my stability....

I obviously read, write, and listen to alot of depressing shit...

I mean, suicide, self harm, anxiety.... its sparks an interest..... i have no idea why....

Maybe because i know some are lying, because its incurable.... because so many people i know have it....

A disease...

I try so hard to understand....

I feel like if i know more.... ill be more helpful....

But im not... the closer i am to them, the faster my mind clicks to blank. So i sit quiet, frantically searching for something anything to change their mind...

What does cutting do? Make you feel again? That doesnt make sense....

Your feeling depression. Its an emotion... despair, worthlessness, hopelessness... those are feelings....

So whats the point? Youre numb. But you're feeling something. What purpose does it bring? Attention...

Maybe you just like pain?

I really dont get it... and i shouldnt, if... scientists havent even figured it out i shouldnt either.... but....

Its frustrating...

Do you even know the consequences? What cutting does to you?

What being hung does to you?

Overdose?

Then when the small idea we have as treatment is given as an option... its pushed away...

This isnt a joke. But i feel like so many of you are taking it that way...

Are you afraid? Of being cured? Of being discovered?

I dont get it...

Yeah, the world's grim.... evil even... youre so young, whoever you are...

Why? What purpose will it bring? Hurting yourself...

Killing yourself?

I know someone whose sixty years old with depression.

SIXTY!

And how old are you?

Compared to them?

Compared to the rest of ypur life?

I make them smile as much as possible... and they end up laughing!

Theyre retired.
Theyre married.
They have a family.

So i dont understand, why do you want to end it as a teenager?

Life's going to be hard, thats inevitable.

You cant change that. Not death. Not pain. But patience.

Focus on important things school, family, treatment...

I wish i understood, because i punlish something like this...

I know, the ones who just read think...

'No one understands.... im alone... she cant help... no matter how much she promises...'

And... time to add to the dried tears on my face....

What the hell is wrong with me!?

I wrote a project on this topic! I wrote stories, and...

And... i should know...

I should know by now...

I should know...

But i dont...

I must be stupid....

I dont get it!

I want YOU to stop cutting!

I WANT YOU TO LIVE!

I NEVER TAKE DEATH THE BEST WAY

....

w-why?

Why do you cut?

Why cant you be happy?
I want you to be happy! And if we could switch positions i would in a heartbeat...

But it doesnt work that way...

So let me become a part... let me help you... to best of my ability at least...

No one has a happy life...

And no one should have a short one...

So please...