Disclaimer: You better put on some protective gear because things are going to get emotional. 

       I've always been a daddy's girl. My dad is the one I go to when  I am scared, or when I need to brag. I know he will always have the right thing to say. Today I wanted to write something to honor him and thank him. However, I don't have the right words to convey how amazing he is. I'm not a good enough writer. Instead, I'll post something he wrote. It is an email he wrote on the fathers day after I was born and, I must say, I couldn't have found it at a better time. I'll stop rambling now and get on with it. 

Was It all worth it?

What a year it was, was it all  worth it? What happened? A year ago I was so excited to be a dad. On a routine visit to the hospital we were told that we had a high risk pregnancy and there would be some problems. Was it worth it? 

Every week since week 20 we went for an ultrasound. Buckle up, the rollercoaster ride begins. One week everything looked good, the next week doctors argued about what drug to give my wife. Not enough amniotic fluid-might have to take the baby early. What were the chances for survival? The doctor pointed to a chart on the wall and we were on week 21. The chart showed the hospital death rate for each week, and at week 21, It looked very bad. Was It all worth it?

They gave us more drus, and this seemed to help. Each week things looked better. The baby was very small but things looked good at week 22. (The term IUGR now officially entered our vocabularies.) The doctor said that our goal was to get to week 32. If we got that far they would probably take the baby. They had us tour the NICU.  We both cried that day seeing those small babies. Was it worth it? 

Week 23 started with an emergency page while I was attending a charitable golf outing. Hole number 8 my pager went off. "get to the hospital, Your wife is having contractions."  They said. I got there and they had her hooked to a fetal moniter. With an anti-contraction prescription we went home again. Was it worth it? 

Cancel the lamaze classes. We were told there would be a 99% chance of a C-section. The wife had to quit her job and the hospital bills started coming in. All told, $75,000. Was it all worth it? 

Week 29 came, and so did more trouble. The baby was not growing and the wifes blood pressure went through the roof. We started learning things about preclamsia. Week 30 came and the blood pressure was too high. We were told-Do npt pass go, Do not collect $200-go directly to the hospital and stay there til the baby comes. Was it all worth it? 

Sunday, September 7th, 1997 (two days later) came and the doctor told us that tomorrow was the day. Tommorrow we would become parents for the first time. Tommorow we would find out if our baby would live or die. Tommorow we would find out about any complications. Tommorow was the day. I stayed up all night worrying. Was it worth it? 

Monday morning came and off we went. We got prepped and went into surgery. The c-section started at 11:00 and at 11:16  a little baby girl came out. A very little girl. We saw our daughter for a flash second before they swished her away to the NICU. Was she okay? was she heathy? I ran into the NICU  and there were 5 or 6 people working on our daughter. Tubes and wires were put tino her. She looked transparent. Was she okay? The doctor yelled out a 1000 grams. How much is that in pounds? "Look at the chart on the wall"  he yelled back at me. Okay, 2 pounds 5 ounces-she looked so small. What is our daughters condition? I spent the day running back and forth updating my wife on our daughter's condition. And so started the long process of people that DHAC including my own father who called his granddaughter an "it". He told me he did not want to get attached to something that was going to die. Was it all worth it? 

October 8th was the next big day. We got to take our baby home. After a month in the NICU, we got to be a real family. Makenna came home weighing 3.5 pounds, and I think the moniter weighed more than her. Cords got loose and alarms went off all night, Was it all worth it?

The second day home I got a call at work that the baby stopped breathing and was turning blue. I knew the ambulance was on the way but I didn't think I would have to follow it to my house. Was she alive? yes, but she looked lifeless. Thank God they taught us CPR in the hospital. Back to the hospital for another stay. Did we fail as parents? we only had her home for 2 days. Was It all worth it?

All the problems and the headaches. Was it all worth it. Wait a second, Makenna is waking up from her nap. She just looked up at me, smiled, and said "Da Da" . Was it all worth it?

You're damn right it was. 

Happy father's day.  

(Sorry for any spelling, punctuation, and grammer errors. I am reading this from an old coffee stain copy. Thank you so much for reading.) 

P.S. It was really hard to resist putting a pun in the title. I was going to call it "Gratitude to Daditude"