DISCLAIMER: Everything here does not belong to me, only the plot does. All characters here belong to the amazing Hideyasu Takahashi. All the pictures belong to their respective artists but I mostly get the pictures from Google Images.

Hi guys!!

Sorry for the long wait! I have finally completed this! Like I promised, here is a long one!

I am working on another update but I'm still trying to find the flow to write it. You guys can understand, right??

Anyway, I've held you guys off long enough, enjoy!

=+=

Hachi: Joker-san, we tried things your way.

Joker: No, we didn't.

Hachi: I did it in my head and it didn't work.

----------(•_•)----------

Joker:  I feel like I've died and gone to heaven.

Hachi: I had that dream too but you go in the other direction.

----------(•_•)----------

Hachi: I personally don't think it's possible to come up with a crazier plan.

Joker, to Spade and Queen: We could attack their pride instead.

Hachi: I stand corrected.

Joker: Just keep things in perspective.

----------(•_•)----------

Hachi, answering the phone: Hello?

Joker: It's Joker.

Hachi:  What did he do this time?

Joker: No, it's me, Joker. It's actually me.

Hachi: What did you do this time?

----------(•_•)----------

Spade: Who the fuck-

Rose: Language!

Spade: Whom the fuck-

Hachi: No.

----------(•_•)----------

Queen: I sort of did something and I need some advice, but I don't want a lot of judgment and criticism.

Shadow: And you came to me?

----------(•_•)----------

Phoenix: I think I figured something out. I got to go.

Joker: Aren't you forgetting something?

Phoenix: Uh... *hesitantly kisses Joker's forehead before running out*

Joker: No, pay your bill! Who raised you?!

----------(•_•)----------

Spade, to Joker: I trusted you!

Joker, eating the last KitKat: Why?

----------(•_•)----------

08:11 AM

<Joker> A theif.

<Hachi> Thief?

<Joker> Theif.

<Hachi> I before E except after C.

<Joker> Thceif.

<Hachi> No.

----------(•_•)----------

Spade: What are we doing?

Phoenix: Wasting our lives.

Spade: I meant for lunch.

Phoenix: Oh.

Spade: Joker is a bad influence.

----------(•_•)----------

Hachi: Is anyone gonna tell me what's going on here?!

Queen: It's kinda complicated, but Joker-

Hachi: Got it. Forget I asked.

----------(•_•)----------

Phoenix: What's your biggest fear?

Hachi: Being forgotten.

Phoenix: Damn, that's deep.

Phoenix: Mine is the Kool-Aid man but I feel kinda stupid about it now.

----------(•_•)----------

Queen: Hey Spade, is four a lot?

Spade: It depends on the context. Berries? No. Murders? Yes.

----------(•_•)----------

Phoenix, asking Hachi about Joker: Well, has Joker been wrong before?

Hachi: How wide are we willing to open this up?

Hachi: Before I do anything, I ask myself, would [B] do that? And if the answer is yes, I do not do that thing.

----------(•_•)----------

Joker: I'm sorry for all the stuff I said.

Phoenix, holding a towel to his bloody nose: And for punching me in the face?

Joker: No, you definitely deserved that.

----------(•_•)----------

Hachi: I made tea.

Joker: I don't want tea.

Hachi: I didn't make tea for you. This is my tea.

Joker: Then why are you telling me?

Hachi: It's a conversation starter.

Joker: That's a lousy conversation starter.

Hachi: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate.

----------(•_•)----------

Joker: I did a bad thing.

Hachi: Does it affect me?

Joker: No, but-

Hachi: Then suffer in silence.

----------(•_•)----------

When passing by McDonald's with Joker

Joker: MCDONALD'S! MCDONALD'S! MCDONALD'S!

W/ Hachi: There's food at home

W/ Shadow: *Pulls into the drive-through but only orders black coffee*

W/ Phoenix: MCDONALD'S! MCDONALD'S! MCDONALD'S!

----------(•_•)----------

Shadow: Is there a word that's a mix between angry and sad?

Spade: Malcontent, disgruntled, miserable, desolated.

Joker: Smad.

----------(•_•)----------

Phoenix: I lost Joker, have you seen them?

Random Person: What do they look like?

Phoenix, crying: HE LOOKS LIKE A BEAUTIFUL ANGEL!

----------(•_•)----------

Hachi: I need you to be totally straight with me.

Queen, clearly gay: *nervous laughter*

----------(•_•)----------

(Medieval AU)

Spade, at his council: Something brought you here. Fate. Destiny.

Hachi, sarcastically: A horse.

----------(•_•)----------

Shadow: What is this!?

Silver Heart: That's the weight of guilt. Give in to the nice side. Help those unfortunate, and make the guilt go away, my friend.

Shadow: Ow! Make it stop!

Silver Heart: Surrender to your kindness, Shadow. It's nice to be nice.

Shadow: Your guilt is strong, my friend. But it is no match for the power of my selfishness!

----------(•_•)----------

Hachi: Love makes people do stupid things.

Joker, on a sugar high: I love everything!

Hachi: That explains a lot.

----------(•_•)----------

Joker: You hear that?

Shadow: I hear YOU. And I wish I didn't.

----------(•_•)----------

20:00 (8 PM)

<Joker> Silver Heart got himself in trouble again :(

<Shadow> and I broke my leg. anyway, what's he in trouble for?

<Joker> he hit someone with his car by accident. i don't know who tho. how did you break your leg?

<Shadow> someone hit me with their car by accident.

<Joker> ...

----------(•_•)----------

Hachi: Did you eat all the powdered donuts?

Joker, mouth full of food: ...no.

Hachi: Then what's on your pants?

Joker, without looking down: That's cocaine.

----------(•_•)----------

Joker: Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you don't know about. Be kind.

Hachi: I once saw you punch a Girl Scout because she didn't have any thin mints.

Joker: Exactly. That was my battle. Be kind.

----------(•_•)----------

Hachi: Can you both just TRY to see it from my perspective?

Joker: *gets on his knees*

Phoenix: *crouches down*

Hachi:

Hachi: I will strangle you both in your sleep.

----------(•_•)----------

13:13 (1:13 PM)

<Shadow> Why is blood so hard to wash off your hands?

<Shadow> I JUST REALIZED HOW BAD THAT SOUNDS. FOR THE RECORD, I HAD A NOSEBLEED, I'M NOT A SERIAL KILLER.

<Queen> But we both know that's not quite true.

<Spade> Hydrogen peroxide dissolves blood, just fyi.

<Joker> Do you think if you gave someone a huge shot of hydrogen peroxide straight into their bloodstream it would kill them?

<Hachi> This house is filled with murderers.

----------(•_•)----------

Joker: Based on statistical evidence, I think I'm immortal!

Shadow: Why?

Joker: I haven't died yet

Shadow: That's... not how this works

----------(•_•)----------

Rose: You don't know what I'm capable of!!

Joker: No offense, but I feel like I'm being threatened by a cupcake-

----------(•_•)----------

Joker: I SAID I WANTED MCDONALD'S.

Silver Heart: Yeah, and I bought you McDonald's.

Joker: I MEANT A BIG MAC OR SOMETHING. NOT THE ENTIRE COMPANY

Bonus:

Hachi: HE FUCKING WHAT-

----------(•_•)----------

Joker: *banging his phone on the table in anger*

Phoenix: Hey, don't be mean to the phone- how would you like it if I banged YOU on the table, hmm?

Joker:

Phoenix:

Phoenix: Don't answer that.

----------(•_•)----------

Spade: You're acting like a child

Joker: I AM NOT ACTING.

----------(•_•)----------

Joker: *taps table gently*

Shadow: *taps back*

Phoenix: what are they doing?

Hachi: morse code.

Joker: *aggressively taps table*

Queen: OOOOOOOOOH!!!

Shadow: *slams hands onto the table*

Shadow: YOU BITCH TAKE THAT BACK.

A Quick Translation:

Joker: [i went to joe's house yesterday]

Shadow: [lol who the fuck is joe]

I think you can guess the rest

----------(•_•)----------

(Highschool AU)

Phoenix, running into the room: HEY-

Hachi: ˢʰʰʰ ᵇᵃᵏᵘᵍᵒᵘ ⁱˢ ˢˡᵉᵉᵖⁱⁿᵍ

Phoenix: ᵒʰ ᵒᵏᵃʸ ˢᵒʳʳʸ

Hachi: ʷʰᵃᵗ'ˢ ᵘᵖ

Phoenix: ᵗʰᵉ ᵈᵒʳᵐ ⁱˢ ᵒⁿ ᶠⁱʳᵉ-

----------(•_•)----------

Joker, on the edge of a breakdown: hAcHi i hAvE a pRobLeM...

Hachi: Oh! Math or life???

----------(•_•)----------

Rose: So... I saw a bunch of corpses in the yard...

Rose: Did you have anything to do with that nii-san?

Shadow: Why do you automatically assume it was me?

Rose:

Shadow:

Shadow: Alright, fair enough.

----------(•_•)----------

Queen: Being this cute is tiring.

Phoenix, without looking up: That's probably why Joker is still asleep.

----------(•_•)----------

02:33

<Spade> omg i'm dying

<Joker> let me see

<Spade> what?

<Joker> what meme are you looking at?

<Spade> no, i'm literally dying

<Joker> lol tag me

<Hachi> Sigh. 

<Hachi> I'll get the gauze.

----------(•_•)----------

Joker: I have an idea-

Hachi: If it involves you, Phoenix, Spade, Queen, Shadow or the soundtrack of Avatar the Last Airbender, then no

Joker: I don't have an idea

----------(•_•)----------

Shadow: Always remember you're someone's reason to smile.

Rosei: Awwwwwww!!

Shadow: Because you're a joke.

----------(•_•)----------

Joker: Hello Hachi, Yawning jerk.

Joker: You may be wondering why I'm glued to the ceiling-

----------(•_•)----------

Shadow: I don't want any friends.

Hachi: :D

Shadow: I'll make one exception cause he looks very polite.

----------(•_•)----------

Hachi: I need to talk to you Akai-san-

Phoenix: I SWEAR THE BOMB WASN'T MY IDEA, AND IT WASN'T THAT BAD IT WAS JUST RED FOOD DYE

Hachi: That's not what I wanted to-

Hachi

Phoenix:

Hachi: The

Hachi: What

----------(•_•)----------

Joker: Joe came down with ligma, updog.

Spade: What's ligma?

Phoenix: Who's joe?

Silver Heart: What's updog?

Joker, levitating: My whole life has been leading up to this moment.

Hachi, a previous victim: Sigh.

----------(•_•)----------

Hachi: You use humor to deflect serious trauma.

Joker: Thank you :)

Hachi: That's not a good thing.

Joker: What I'm hearing is that you think I'm funny.

----------(•_•)----------

Spade"s parents: I don't remember raising you like this.

Spade: I don't remember you raising me at all.

----------(•_•)----------

(This is a random AU so...)

Joker: We've won. Its' finally over.

Prof. Clover: *Slowly starts standing back up behind him*

Phoenix:

Hachi:

Phoenix: *starts pointing*

Joker: No. We've won. I'm not looking back at him. We've won.

----------(•_•)----------

Rose: Who hurt you?

Shadow: You want a list or what?

----------(•_•)----------

Joker: I overslept.

Hachi: It's 4:30 in the afternoon.

----------(•_•)----------

Hachi: What do we say when our actions disappointed someone?

Joker: ....hoes mad?

Hachi: Get out.

----------(•_•)----------

Joker: *sneaking into the airship with a huge coat*

Hachi: Joker-san, what's in the coat?

Joker's coat: Meow.

Joker:

Hachi:

Joker: Drugs.

----------(•_•)----------

Shadow: *gets hit by a car*

Hachi: Oh my god, are you okay?!

Shadow: G-Give m-me my phone.

Shadow: *opens twitter*

Shadow, tweeting: OMG YALL GUESS WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED.

----------(•_•)----------

Joker: Life is meaningless. Why am I even alive?

Phoenix: What happened?

Hachi: We didn't stop at McDonald's.

----------(•_•)----------

Hachi: I love sleepovers!

Shadow: This isn't a sleepover, I'm going to kill you.

Hachi: Truth or dare?

Shadow:

Shadow: Dare.

(A/N: At this point, if someone possessed Hachi, he would just say, "Okay, Imma go on a vacation. Good luck!". He's so done with life)

----------(•_•)----------

Hachi: Joker-san, I need you to think outside the box.

Joker, inside a cardboard box: nO-

----------(•_•)----------

Random villain: Hey, do you wanna talk to God?

Shadow: God is dead. God remains dead, and we have killed him. *grabs villain* Who will wipe this blood off us? What festivals of atonement- what sacred games shall we have to invent?

Random villain, backing away: I was just trying to sell you some drugs and you made it weird.

----------(•_•)----------

Hachi, praying: I need someone to be my mentor to help me get better and to help my village.

Hachi: Maybe send me an angel. The nicest angel you have.

Joker, emerging from a flaming building: *Laughing maniacally*

=+=

And finished!!!

Ah, I am so glad this is done!!

It took me a while to make this but I got my ass together and made it for you guys! The inspiration isn't fully back but I haven't updated in a while and I didn't want to leave this book for a month.

Anyway, thank you guys so much for reading this chapter! Thank you for being patient with me and I'll see you all when I update!

Buh-byyyyyyyeeeeee!!

(Editor!Alter: I swear to Truth, I sound like a YouTuber! What has become of me?!)