You see the pain etched on his face. You glance over to Sam who's tied to the opposite pillar you are, your eyes fall back to Dean. He pulls against his restraints, as the demon taught him.
"Come, come Mr Winchester. I haven't got all day. Choose" he points the gun in the direction of you and Sam
"Choose who dies, Y/n or Sam. Y/n? The only woman you claimed to have ever truly loved. Or Sam? Your brother, the man you've died and risked your life for over and over again" he spins on his heel practically dancing with glee.
"Because make no mistake, at least one of them is going to die tonight. If you refuse to pick one, I'll kill them both" you feel a tear fall from your eye. You knew one day it would come to this.
"Dean, pick me! It'll be fine, just pick me!" Sam shouts across the room. Dean ignores him and stares at you.
You see the tears fall from his eyes, you knew he wasn't going to let Sam die. You let out a silent sob, closing your eyes lightly, more tears streaming down your cheeks. You open them again, nodding at the love of your life, letting him know it was ok.
You both ignored Sam's plea's, Dean drops his head letting his own tears fall.
"I'm sorry..." he sobs, bloodshot eyes meeting yours again. The demon walks towards you, stopping when he reaches your side, raising his gun to your head. "Forgive me..." he whimpers turning his head away.
"I love you" you whisper closing your eyes, weeping.
You never even heard the gun shot.
Dean had insisted on burying you instead of burning. He said he couldn't bear to watch you burn, despite Sam's objections.
You don't know how long you were in hell for, the days merged into one. Fire, pain, that's the only things you knew. You'd scream until your voice gave out and then you'd do it all over again. You'd lost hope, faith everything that made you, well you. You'd become a shell. So when Crowley, the King of Hell himself came to you with an alternative, you took it.
You glace up at the mirror in front of you, and see your face staring back. You don't know how Crowley had done it, you were shot in the damn head yet here you were. Well almost you. You blinked and see your eyes flash black in the reflective surface.
This was your deal, you had your body, your memories, everything. But you were a demon, that was it. You expected for him to demand you go to the Winchester's to spy on them but he didn't. He knew you'd go to them eventually, one way or another.
Things were hard at first. You had become the thing you once hunted. But being a demon had its upside. You had some telekinetic ability which was always fun. You felt yourself caring less about the big bad's of the world.
You kept track of Sam and Dean, watching them from afar. But you left them alone, until the night you saw him with some blonde at a bar. You could feel yourself giving into your darker side.
He was there flirting, He claimed you were the love of his life, he chose to let you die and here he was trying to get into some bimbos pants. You narrow your eyes, smirking to yourself as you come up with a plan.
You grab your black leather jacket, pulling it on and lifting the collar. You strut passed Dean, whistling a tune you always did. You see his head snap towards you in your peripheral vision, you don't even pause, you simply pick up speed and head out of the door.
You hear footsteps follow you; you lightly jog towards a crowd of people. You slip into a side ally unseen by the eldest Winchester. He looks around the busy street, you see Sam join him
"It was her Sammy, it was Y/n" Dean pants in distress
"Dean...Y/n's..."
"I know! But it was her; I'd know her anywhere Sam! And she was whistling her song." He runs his hand down his face.
"Dean, you're overthinking things, just go back in and finish your drink. She wouldn't want you to be unhappy man" you glare at the statement
"Oh silly Sammy, you have no idea what I want..." you mutter, watching them retreat back to the bar.
You spot baby sitting on the street, you smile evilly. You wouldn't damage the car no, you were a demon but you weren't that evil. But that didn't mean you couldn't leave something on her...something that he'd know was from you.
You pass a flower stand and nab yourself a single white lily, you always loved the flower and Dean knew it. You walk back to the car, lifting the windscreen wiper and drop the flower beneath it.
"Rest well my love" you cackle as you walk down the street.
*************
You followed them for weeks, leaving Dean the odd gift here and there. Driving the poor man to the point of insanity. Sam was determined it was the work of some demon they'd either pissed off and that mostly likely worked for Crowley.
Well he was right and the demon part and that you were indeed pissed off. You guess two out of three wasn't too bad
You sit in the bar not far from the bunker where Dean would visit frequently; you were in the corner hidden from view with your feet propped up on the table. You had decided that tonight was the night you'd show yourself. You were picking at your nails with your pocket knife when you saw them walk in.
Sam scanned the room as if he was looking for someone, you sink lower in your chair not wanting to be seen just yet. Your fun for the evening was only just beginning. Dean followed his brother to the bar quietly; you guess your latest gift of a necklace he'd given you had left him a little spooked.
You could see it in his face, Dean Winchester was a broken man!
You smirk to yourself watching them order drinks, while you debated your next move. You push you knife into your pocket and pull on your short black leather jacket; pulling up its hood to hide your features. You stand brushing lint off your black jeans; your stiletto boots clicking on the wooden floor as you made your way over to the jukebox right next to the door.
You flick through the songs, your blood red nails drumming on the glass idly. You start to grow impatient when you finally see it, yours and Dean's song. The song he'd hum to you as you fell asleep, the song you first danced to and the song that would now be his new torture.
You pulled a coin from your back pocket and slipped it into the machine. You pushed the right button, and smiled as the opening cords filled the room. You could almost hear Dean gasp from where he sat across the room.
You shove your hands in your pockets and moved for the door, walking swiftly through it onto the street. The door hadn't even shut when you heard two stools drag along the floor and heavy boots running behind you.
"Hey! Stop right there!" Sam shouts behind you, you do so but make no move to turn around. The street light next to you would probably shadow your face but why make it easy on them.
You hearing picks up the small click of their guns when they pulled them out.
"Turn around, slowly!" The youngest Winchester bark, you do as he demands.
Your assumption was right; the light that was now behind your head, along with your hood shadows your face perfectly. The only thing they could see was a female silhouette.
"Hands out of your pockets" you hold up your hands in mock surrender, wiggling your finger showing you had no weapon. You all stood motionless for a few moments while you waited for their next move.
"Move under the light" Dean finally speaks, you watch him carefully. Silently asking him if he was sure that's what he wanted.
"Do it" he mumbles with his gun trained on your chest.
You smirk wickedly even though they can't see your face and slowly step backwards. The light beams down onto you, your features stay mostly hidden by your hood. Dean knows it's you instantly but still asks you to remove your hood.
"Why bother baby?" You chuckle lightly, your voice dark and dangerous
"Do it" Sam added almost quietly. You push the fabric from your head, revealing yourself fully for the first time.
"Hello boys, did you miss me?" you wink, laughing wildly as they lower their weapons in shock; they're worst nightmares coming true.
"I knew we should have burnt the body!" Sam snaps to himself, clearly thinking you were now someone vessel.
"Oh no Sammy, you have it all wrong. No one is wearing me to the prom...." you watch his face go blank, void of any reaction. Sam always had a good poker face.
"I'm me...just a little darker" you chuckle watching Dean flinch as you blink and let your eyes turn black.
"How is that even possible?" You shrug slightly at Dean's question as in all honesty you still weren't sure
"That's a question you'd have to ask the King of Hell sweetheart, he's the one who gave me the deal."
"You made a deal with Crowley" Sam asked disgusted, you snap your head towards him
"Do not use that tone with me Winchester" you flick your wrist, sending his gun flying from his hand into yours, you hit the release and the clip drops to the floor and you toss the gun behind you.
"You're not the one in control here" you add dangerously, you little display letting the brothers know you were here because you wished it.
"Let us help you Y/n" you cock an eyebrow at your former lover as he spoke
"Help me?" You question with a light smile on your lips.
"We can save you...." you laugh cutting him off, you step forward so he can see your face clearer as you mock him
"Oh sweet naive Dean, I don't need saving!"
Dean looks at his brother and as if giving a silent signal, Sam lunges for you. You roll your eyes and raise your hand, sending the younger brother flying backwards into the wall of the bar. He lands with a heavy grunt, but is still conscious.
You focus your attention back on Dean, your eyes meeting his apple green orbs.
"I'll see you around baby" you whisper winking.
You start to walk backwards away from Dean, with him making no move to follow. Sam stands, leaning heavily against the wall.
"Dean stop her!" He calls to his brother, waking him from his trance.
Dean raises his gun to you again. You walk back towards him, you let your eyes fall wide and sad; playing with his emotions
"You gonna shoot me baby?" You ask, stepping forward so Dean's gun touches your chest. You can see the conflict in his eyes. "Or are you gonna let someone else do it again?"
Dean drops his gun immediately, his eyes glistening with unshed tears.
"Y/n I'm so sorry, please forgive me" he begs
"Oh baby...." you step towards him, cupping his cheek with you right hand. You press your lips lightly to his, whilst taking his gun from him with your left hand unnoticed; before wrapping your arms around his neck.
You pull back before he can deepen the kiss; he opens his eyes looking at you sadly.
"...not in a million years" you answer, hitting him in the back of the head with his own gun leaving him dazed, he drops to his knees before you. You disarm the gun before dropping it to the floor at your feet.
"I'll be seeing you soon my love" you say running your fingers through his hair. You wave wickedly at Sam who was still hunched against the wall, before spinning on your heel and disappearing into the darkness.
When you're gone from sight, Sam rushes to his brother; wincing at the pain in his ribs and shoulder.
"Dean?"
"She's still in there Sammy, she could have killed us but she didn't." Dean almost pleads with his brother to agree
"She's a demon Dean..."
"She's still there, my Y/n! What other explication is there for her not killing us on the spot?" Dean argues as his brother pulls him to his feet.
"Let me think, kitty has new claws and wants to play with her pray before she pounces?" Sam swiftly answers
"We have to help her, please Sammy. It's my fault she's like this, please...I can't..."
Sam's heart breaks for his brother and for himself. Yes you were Dean's love, but he loved you like a sister. If it was Dean in your place Sam knows he'd move heaven and hell to get him back. Sighing heavily Sam nods, residing to the fact he knew they had to try.
"Ok. Ok we'll figure something out. I promise Dean, we'll find a way to help her" *even if I have to kill her myself* Sam adds silently in his head. Dean pulls his brother into a tight embrace before helping him to the impala.
They needed to get back to the bunker. They had research to do

You kept you eyes on them for weeks, hiding in the shadows, watching from behind walls. They were researching, books piled high in the back of the impala. Sam's nose was constantly buried in his laptop. They even had Cas working on something. You started keeping your guard up a little more; you hated the feeling of being hunted.

You'd let yourself be seen every now and then, letting Dean know you were still around. You sat across the street in the crowd watching with a smirk on your face. You even left a lipstick kiss on Baby's driver side window.

What annoyed you was you couldn't see what they were up to in that damn bunker! The wards and devil traps kept you far enough away for them to work.

You stood in the treeline watching, waiting for them to make a move. You were about to give up for the night when you see the bunker door open. You see the outline of your hunter; it looked like he'd had an unsuccessful night of research by the way his shoulders slumped. You watched as he walked away from the building towards his precious car.

You knew he'd end up at the closest bar, where he'd go to drown his sorrows. You made your way towards the bar; it didn't take you too long to get there. When you enter the car park you grin when you see that you were right, there was Baby parked in the corner. You make your way over to the car when you see a sight that makes you laugh; Dean had put a ring of salt around the impala.

"Oh my sweet, you're getting smarter" you chuckle and turn towards the entrance. You glance through the window in the door spotting Dean sitting at the bar itself, you smirk to yourself and walk through the door. You stay at the edge of the room, sinking into a chair and drum your red polished finger nails on the table.

"What can I get ya hunny?" You glance up at the waitress

"Whiskey, double. Oh and a napkin or a piece of paper if you have one please sugar" you smile brightly, the woman nods and retreats to fetch your drink. Rolling your eyes as she leaves, you watch your former lover like a lioness watches her pray.

Dean shifts in his chair, pulling out his cell and answering it. You can't hear the conversation but you imagine it was Sam. He hangs up and drops his phone on the bar just as you drink arrives. You hand over the money telling her to keep the change, not to be nice but to make her go away and not come back.

You pick up the napkin she left with your drink and pull out a lipstick from your cropped leather jacket and apply the dark red, before pressing your lips to the crisp white napkin.

Your eyes snap back to the bar where you see Dean signal for a refill before making his way to the bathroom. You grab the napkin and fold it in half before making your way to the Winchester's vacated seat. You lift his glass and slide you latest gift beneath it

"Oh hunny he gets those all the time and I've not seen one that didn't get thrown in the trash" the bartender says sympathetically, you chuckle at him

"This one wont" you wink before making your way back to your table.

You hear the heavy boots of the hunter return to his seat just as you reach yours. You down your drink and make your way to the door, knowing you'll be followed. The heels of your leather boots clicking loudly as you go. You walk at speed to put a little distance between you, after all he was a Winchester and you are a demon.

The heavy wooden door doesn't get chance to swing closed before you hear Dean jog through it behind you.

"Y/n!" You stop and turn towards him with your hands in your pockets.

"Hello my love" you purr "miss me?"

"Y/n why do you keep doing this?" he almost begged for an answer

"What's wrong baby, you don't like my gifts?" you faked being hurt, taking a few steps towards him

"This isn't you Y/n, I know part of you, the real you is still in there" you laugh at his words

"Oh sweet Dean, I thought we'd been over this? It is me, this is me" you gesture to yourself with a smile

"Just the new and improved version sweetheart" you wink, Dean shakes his head in denial

"Do you remember what you said the first time we slept together lover? Do you remember what you promised me?" Dean doesn't respond, you step towards him again until you're only a few feet away.

"You swore on your life that you'd never let anything bad happed to me" you watch a single tear fall from Dean's eye.

"But I can't be mad at you, look at what you did for me Dean. Everything I am, is because of you" you chuckle as he cringes away at your words

"I'm sorry Y/n I never meant for this to happen to you and I know you can't forgive me, but please let me help you. Let me bring you back to us, to me" you step directly in front of him

"But I'm right here baby" you say pressing your hand to his cheek, letting your eyes turn black. Dean looks away as if he's in pain

"What's wrong Dean? Can't look at what you helped create? It wasn't a hard decision, after the years and years of torture, being ripped apart, skinned, burned. But you know all about that don't you my love." You grab his face making him look at you; he can see his reflection in your pitch black eyes.

"But you are right about one thing Dean, there will never be forgiveness for you. You let me die! You chose to let me die and I'm going to make sure you pay for that for the rest of your life." You snarl so caught up in your anger you don't hear the footsteps behind you.

You hear a whistle behind you making you snap your head around. You see Sam Winchester standing there bottle in hand and before you can even react he throws holy water in your face. You scream in agony as the liquid burns your skin.

Dean uses the distraction to grab your arm, you try to pull away but you are still affected by the holy water. You freeze when you feel cold metal snap around your wrist. You look back at Dean in horror as you realise what he's done, you glance at your wrist and see what you feared the most the Demonic handcuffs.

You growled at him and pulled at the metal, but it didn't budge.

"I'm sorry Y/n but it's for your own good" Dean whispered to you softly

"I'm going to get free Dean. I'm going to get free and then I'm going to kill you baby!" you promise eerily spitting the last word from your mouth before blowing him a kiss as Sam shoved you in the car and secured you to the door handle

"It's over Y/n" Sam said quietly

"Oh no Sammy, It's over when I say it's over, and I'm not done yet. I like who I am!" you cackle at the looks on the brothers faces. Sam slams the door silencing you laugh to them

"This better work Sam" Dean says desperately

"It will Dean" Sam replied with no confidence in his words watching Dean walk to the driver's door before adding quietly

"It has to"

You sat in the back of the car silent watching then brothers with nothing but hatred in your eyes. Dean kept glancing back at you in the rear view mirror but would snap his eyes away just as quickly when his candy green orbs met pure black.
You couldn't keep the smirk from your face when you saw the panic in his eyes. Whatever they had planned, whatever little trick they were trying pull off; Dean had no confidence in it.
"Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think" you sang wickedly and watched as Dean's shoulders stiffened
"Enjoy yourself, while you're still in the pink" Sam glanced over at his brother when he noticed Dean's grip tighten on the steering wheel
"The years go by, as quickly as a wink" You catch Dean's eyes in the mirror and throw him a wink, you see his jaw clench. He was close to losing it.
"Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself, It's. Later. Than. You. Think." You lean forward as far as you can, reaching as close as possible to Dean's ear and whisper eerily every word.
"Enough Y/n!" Sam snaps, you throw your head back and spit out a cackle worthy of the wicked witch of the west herself.
You see the bunker appear in front of you and you almost growl at it. They were going to trap you in there. But until you got out of the damn handcuffs there was little you could do.
Sam pulled you out of the car and cuffed you to himself, Dean kept his distance. Sam pushes open the heavy bunker door and drags you inside.
"Oh goody, home sweet home" you drawl sarcastically glaring at the youngest Winchester
Sam throws his best bitchface and pulls you further into the bunker. You count the numbers on the doors and realise where he taking you. You try to put up a fight, Dean grabs you from behind wrapping his arms around you tightly and hauled you through the door of Room 7b.
You let out an almighty screech when you see the chair sitting in the middle of the devil's trap, try everything to get away, fighting with such ferocity that the brother's picked you up and carried you the rest of the way. You felt a surge of pride rush through you that it took two strong hunters to get you into that trap. Between the two of them the secure you in the chair leaving you confined.
You watch Sam retreat to the nearby table and reveal syringes of blood.
"This is your big plan boys? If you wanted me dead you could have just used Ruby's knife Dean" you snap
"This won't kill you Y/n, it's going to bring you back" you laugh at his hopeful voice
"Oh poor thing, you do remember this nearly killed Crowley?" Dean didn't answer
Sam approaches you with a full syringe in one hand and holy water in the other.
"Oh Sammy, you know I don't like needles" you growl your eyes flashing black and you teeth bared
Ignoring your comment Sam splashes you with holy water and uses your screams of agony as a distraction to ram the syringe into your neck. You scowl at your former friend and look him dead in the eye
"I'm going to kill you Sammy" you promise with no hint of humour in your voice and watched as he pulled his brother from the room leaving you alone until your next treatment.
The ritual went on for hours until you felt any change, but you made no show of weakening, Sam entered the room but you dismissed his presence and turned your attention to Dean who was standing at the door.
"What do you think is going to happen here Dean?" you questioned the hunter
"Say this does work and by some miracle you don't kill me...again" Dean winced at your words
"Say you do turn me back, what then? You think I'm going to run happily into your arms after what you did to me? You let me die Dean! You might as well have pulled the trigger yourself! I will NEVER forgive you! Demon, Human, It doesn't matter which I will never forgive you! I HATE you!" Tears fell from Dean's eyes.
Sam cut you off shoving the next treatment into your bloodstream, you grimaced as Sam pulled your latest injection from your neck. You felt a little dizzy and tried to shake your head to clear it. Behind your back you felt the handcuffs loosen slightly, you grabbed the metal to keep it from falling and drop your head forward; giving the appearance that you had fainted.
"Sam..." you hear Dean, his voice full of worry. Sam shuffles forward and presses his fingers to your neck checking your pulse
"She's alive, just passed out" you hear them both let out a sigh of relief
"She's right Sam, she's never going to forgive me" you hear Dean mumble defeated
"Dean she's a demon. You can't believe anything she says right now, come on let's get a drink" you hear them shuffle from the room and down the corridor.
You wait a few seconds before raising your head and pulling at the cuffs. To your delight the metal breaks free. You smirk wildly and stand from your chair, rolling your shoulders as you approach the edge of the devil's trap and slowly take a step out of it.
"Oh Sammy looks like you didn't do enough homework" You chuckle quietly at the realisation that Sam hadn't known this would happen.
You glance out of the door making sure your path was clear and slowly make your way towards your old room to gather some weapons quickly. To your amusement you find the boys hadn't moved your things, including your angel blade.
You pass the electrical room and stop when an idea comes into your head. You walk in a flick off the power. Before you began to sing once again
"Enjoy yourself, its later than you think" cackling loudly as it echoed around the bunker. You hear the chairs scrape on the library floor and the heavy footsteps of two hunters on the run.
"You can run but you can't hide boys!" you laugh as you speed up at find them
You know they're going to try and set up a trap for you so you double back quietly and try to catch them off guard. You'd had enough games; it was time to finish it.

You hear them whisper ahead of you, you round the corner to see them make their way around the opposite end of the corridor, you crouch in the dark to save being seen and wait.

"How the hell did she get out Sam?" Dean asks his brother, his voice panic stricken.

"I don't know, unless...the blood made her human enough for the cuffs and devil's trap not to recognise her as a demon" Sam answered running a hand over his face as he tried to catch his breath. They kept their focus on the corridor they came from and that was their mistake.

You stood quietly and approached the brothers, you gripped your angel blade and focused on Sam, he's the one who rammed those damn needles into your neck. You'd kill him quickly then take your time with Dean

You raised you blade ready to plunge it into Sam, when they suddenly turned around. Shock written all over their faces when they saw you standing there. Sam ducks you blade and holds Ruby's blade up towards you.

"You can't say I didn't warn you boys. Now I'm very pissed off" you growl

"Y/n we don't want to hurt you" Dean begs with you to see reason.

"Oh poor baby, that's just too bad; because that's exactly what I want to do to you" you smirk at them stepping forward

"Now Winchester's the two of you are going to have to agree on which of you I kill tonight. The eldest or the youngest " You walk towards them forcing them to back themselves into a corner

"Because make no mistake, at least one of you is going to die tonight. If you refuse to pick, I'll kill you both" your face hardens as you repeat almost the exact words you heard the night you were killed.

The look on Dean's face was almost heart breaking...almost.

"Y/n please...." Dean begs, you just stare him down.

"Tick Toc boys" Dean stepped forward before his brother could object, Sam sighed in relief

You narrowed your eyes at him before realising there was someone behind you. You move to turn but he was too quick and had you in a hold before you could fight him off, Dean snatched your blade from your hand before you could do any damage.

"It's over Y/n!" You growled at him and tried in vain to break the hold

"God damned fucking Angel!" you screamed demonically, Castiel renders you unconscious so they can take you back into the holding room without any hassle. Dean sweeps you up into his arms and carries you back.

"How do we know we aren't going to kill her Cas?" Dean asks the angel while Sam pushes what should be the final injection into your neck.

"We don't Dean, but after what I saw I don't think we have any other choice" Cas answered sadly

They waited for what felt like hours for you to wake up when in all reality it was only a few minutes

Your head felt strange, it was heavy and clouded. You had no idea where you were, you opened your eye only to scrunch them shut when the light hit them.

"Holy shit my head hurts" you mumble trying to focus your mind. You raised your head and saw Dean, Sam and Cas all stood before you.

Dean looked at you sadly when he saw that your eyes where black, but raised an eye brow at his brother when they faded away to Y/e/c.

The mist that filled your brain lifted slightly and you smiled at your friends.

"What's going on boys?" you questioned still very confused, you see Sam raise a flask in his hand and throw its contents in your face.

You blink to water from your eyes and frown at Sam

"What the fuck was that for?" Sam smiled at you reaction or better lack there of

"Welcome back Y/n" he smiled

You were about to ask what he meant when the memories start to hit you.

Being tied to that pillar, the gun raised to your head, the shot. You remember the years of torture, the pain, the fire. You remember not caring anymore, Crowley offering you the deal, tormenting Dean. You remember all of it.

You jaw falls slack and tears fill your eyes. You were a monster.

"Oh god...." you gasp as a tear falls from your eye, you couldn't look at them not after everything you'd done.

Sam untied you and helped you up, he pulled you into a hug and let you cry on his shoulder. You pulled away and turned to hug Cas who was closest. The angel pulled you into a slightly awkward embrace but he tried his best. You go to look for Dean and he's gone.

"He's had a hard time.." Sam tries to explain but he doesn't need to

"I know Sammy, I remember what I did" you croak out thinking of all the things you put him through.

"it wasn't you Y/n" you look up at him sadly not really believing a word he was saying.

"I think I need some air...is that ok?" you ask knowing they'll want to keep a close eye on you

Sam nods understanding but tells you not to be long. You make you way out side, the cold night air hitting your face like a wrecking ball. You inhaled deeply and let out a shaky breath.

"Well I guess it was true" you hear a voice from behind you. You snap you head around fully ready to put up a fight when you recognise the voice.

"What do you want Crowley?" you snarl at the demon who started it all

"Well I was told the Winchester's had caught you, I figured they'd try the blood purification. I suppose you should be thanking me darling"

"Thanking you?" you scoff "Why the hell would I thank you? You turned me into a monster...the things I did...."

"Oh boo hoo! So you mentally tortured a Winchester, he'll get over it"

"I won't!" you snap at the king of hell

"Just remember darling, you agreed to the demon life; without much persuasion I might add and just remember who put you in that position to start with. Dean. If it wasn't for me you'd still be dead" You clenched your jaw at his words

"You're just bitter that there's more darkness in you than you care to admit. You took the deal so easily, I wonder what will happen next time you die? Hmmm? Will you take the deal again?" Crowley smirked at the look on your face

"Go back to hell!" You growl to which Crowley just laughed

"As you wish love, but I'll be around. After all I want to keep a close eye and my favourite pet project" and with a wink he was gone.

You let out a shaky breath and turned to go back inside. Sam is waiting for you not far from the door. You try to smile but it comes out as more of a twitch. He put his arm around you and leads you to your room, he insists you get some rest. You nod despite the fact you know you'll lie awake all night.

You don't know how long you lie there staring at the ceiling, silent tears falling from your eyes. You hear shuffling out side your bedroom door. You figured it was Sam coming to check on you or to make sure you were still...human.

"Its open" you say just loud enough to be heard, the handle turns and to your surprise in walks Dean.

He looked so small and broken, not the proud hunter you knew and loved....You sit up and wait for him to move. He closes to door behind him and walks to your bed and sits beside you. He's been crying too, his eyes bloodshot and sore. You want to reach out and touch him but you'd lost that right after what you did.

Dean wipes away a stray tear from your face causing you to gasp at the contact.

"I'm so sorry Y/n" you frown at the comment

"Why are you sorry?" you ask, you voice quiet and small

"I should have tried to save you both I didn't try hard enough..." you shush him calmly

"Dean you did nothing wrong, you're always going to try and save Sammy I knew that, I understood. I didn't blame you" you tell him, it was true. As that gun was pointed at your head you didn't blame him for his choice. But the memories of the anger and betrayal you felt still fill your mind, and it hurts.

You shake the feelings from your head, knowing that he'd done the right thing "and I don't blame you now" you raise your had to gently caress his cheek as you choke out the words.

"I'm the one who should be sorry Dean...everything I did..." he cuts you off with a finger to your lips

"That wasn't you, not really. I love you Y/n so much"

You smile as best as you can, the guilt and pain of everything you'd done still weighing heavily on your mind

"I love you too Dean" you whisper he kisses you lightly on the lips and pulls you into a sweet embrace.

He pulls you to lie down on the bed with him. His arms still holding you close. You lay there for hours stealing kisses and swapping apologies. You rest your head on Dean's chest and listen to his heartbeat. Standing tied to that pillar you never thought you'd get to hold him like this again. You hear his breathing level out and in no time he's asleep.

You pull yourself away from him carefully without waking him and make your way to the bathroom. You quietly turn on the light to save disturbing anyone and shut the door lightly.

You gaze at yourself in the mirror, you looked broken. Your eyes were heavy, you shoulders slumped. You look away and turn on the water, splashing the cold water onto your face. You grab the towel and pat your face dry and look back in the mirror.

The face looking back isn't you, at least not human you. The smirk on her face and black eyes make you gasp in shock, she winks at you. You blink your eyes quickly and she's gone. You pant in distress and flick off the light quickly and return to Dean, wrapping yourself in his arms trying to find solace there; but he can't protect you from yourself.

You love him, you know you do. Even as a demon Dean was the one constant in your mind, but right now you felt numb. No happiness or emotion, you wonder if Sam did the ritual correctly or if this was just how your life would be now....

You don't sleep at all that night or the next night, eventually you find a way to cope by putting on a mask for Sam, Dean and even Cas. You slowly start hunting again and you and Dean go back to being a couple. The anger and hurt never left but you got better at hiding it.

She never left either, your demon side. She's there deep inside your mind, you hear her sometimes but you see her more. But now when she smirks at you with her eyes as black as coal you just smirk back. She's part of you now and you've come to except her, you'd even go as far as to say you liked having her around.

Crowley's question often runs through your mind,

"Will you take the deal again?"

You wish you could say no, but you know he was right....

There is more darkness in you than you'd care to admit.

The End