[!M!] = MATURE HUMOR! 

DON'T! Say anything, just let me have this. If you haven't seen South Park and get offended easily, LEAVE! DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT IT AND DON'T YUCK MY YUM (that was so cringy, please ignore that) there is swearing (nu doi! this is South Park)

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Cast

Taurtis: Stan

Grian: Kyle (i really wanted to make him Kenny so his alter ego would be Mysterion, but Kyle fits. He gets made fun of for being British instead)

Sam: Cartman (no, I will not accept otherwise! Both of them are spoiled, manipulative, assholes with single parents that they take advantage of)

Dom: Kenny

Yuki: Wendy

Chan: Bebe

Pepe: Butters

Sookie: Craig

Soul: Tweek (when she starts to spaz out, she loses feathers)

Shaun (BC I CAN!): Clyde

Pierce (again, BC I CAN): Token

Teacher Jane: Mr. Garrison

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Taurtis: we need to baptize them

Sam with a hose: HALLELUJAH! WASH AWAY THE SIN-A *sprays Grian with a hose*

Grian: Aghhh!

Sam: Turn around I need to clean out your ass

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Grian: I DON'T WANT TO SEE THIS!

Sam: [Trying to find friends on a webcam roulette website] If you want to find some quality friends, you gotta wade through the dicks first.

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Jane: Don't worry. There are no stupid answers, just stupid people!

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Grian: All animals kill, and the animals that don't kill are stupid ones like cows and turtles and stuff.

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Taurtis: *shaking his head in shock* Sam, you're so goddamn stupid it's unbelievable 

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Pepe: Oh well, when I get a chipotle blue-cheese bacon burger at Bennigan's, I'll forget that my Mom had an affair, I'm a love child, and my dad wants me dead!

Taurtis: Really?

Pepe: No, I'm lying

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Pepe: I don't play league of legends :)

Sam: You said you're on your computer all the time!

Pepe: But I'm playing "Hello Kitty Island Adventure"!

...  

Sam: *calmly with his eyes closed* Pepe, go buy League of Legends, download it into your computer, and join the online sensation before we all murder you! 

Pepe: uhhh ok then!

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Soul: You do it! 

Taurtis: Just place the nose on

Soul: What if I put it in the wrong place?!

Taurtis: Just put it in between its eyes!

Soul: AGH! But what if when I'm putting on the nose, THE SNOWMAN COMES TO LIFE AND TRIES TO KILL ME?!

Taurtis: Soul when has that ever happen, except for that one time?

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Soul: When the police come, I want nothing to do with you, YOU'RE GONNA FRY MAN!

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Sookie: Do you guys know why nobody else at school likes hanging out with you? Because you're always doing stuff like this. You're always coming up with some stupid idea to do something, and then it backfires, and then you end up in some foreign country, or in outer space or something. That's why no one likes hanging out with you guys.

....

Sam: You're being extremely negative Sookie.

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Sookie: [about Sam] he's the luckiest kid in the world! If I could say "Shitballs" to Rowan, I would be SO happy!

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Karu: You do not say "Big Silly Goose" you call him an "asshole" Like a normal kid!

Taurtis: But dad I was just trying to-

Karu: TAURTIS, CALL YOUR FRIEND AN ASSHOLE THIS INSTANT!

Taurtis: *to Sam* Asshole

Karu: Thats better!

Sam: Don't call me an asshole you big son of a bitch!

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Grian: LETS HEAR IT FOR SAM'S FAT ASS!

Sam: Do British people count as an ethnicity for hate crimes?  

Others except for Grian: nah.

Sam: Sweet!

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Taurtis: AGH ITS A SNAKE!

Grian: Thats a branch

Taurtis: oh AGH ITS A SNAKE

Grian: No. Dude. its the same branch again

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Grian: I'm not gonna make it. Taurtis, why do people say "long story short" they're not making it any shorter

Taurtis *to interviewers* I just watched as my friend was slowly dying

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Grian: *to interviewers* How many iPod Nanos is a friendship worth? I guess, one.

Taurtis: *to interviewers, in tears* The hardest part, is knowing that you can't take it back! I mean, it was a 5th generation nano, so I can't trade it in anywhere!

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Sam: ...equals, gold!

Grian: ...Dom can you tell Sam to shut up?

Dom: *muffled* Shut the fuck up dude, you're a fucking asshole!

Sam: Oh, I'm an asshole for doing math?!

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Taurtis: You suck Sam! If you want to play America vs Japan, you can play by yourself!

Sam: Thats fine! I like playing with myself! I'll play with myself all day long!

Dom: *laughs*

Sam: [angry] What?

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Sam: Nya nya nya nya nya nya! I made you eat your parents! Nya nya nya nya nya nya!

Taurtis: *traumatized* Jesus christ!

(Sam would do this, let's be honest)

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Yuki: This is what happens when society-!

Sam: BOOOOO! Boo, SirCutieYuki, boooooo!

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Sam: Yes! the tears of unfathomable sadness! So yummy and sweet!

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Grian: That is stupid

Shaun: *interrupts Sam before he can speak* YOU SIR HAVE MOCKED SAM BEFORE, YET HEAR YOU ARE DEMANDING ANSWERS, SO DAMN YOU LET HIM SPEAK!

Sam: Thank you, Shaun?

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Chan: did it work?

Yuki: I think it did Chan, if all goes as plan, Grian will be your, new boyfriend! 

Chan: I hope so Yuki, he's got such a hot ass

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Chan: Grian, could you turn around for a second

Grian: *turns around confused* 

*Chan and Yuki have huge smiles on their faces*

Chan: Thank you!

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*Chan kisses Grian*

Grian: *runs out* SICK! AGH! FUCKING SICKENING! 

Chan: wow look at that ass! SHAKE IT, BABY!

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*Chan wrote a letter for Grian and Taurtis was caught with it*

 Jane: Taurtis, you come up here right now and read your note!

Taurtis: aw man!

Chan: *has an terrified look on her face*

Taurtis: "Dear Grian, you have such a great ass. I could sleep for days on those perk cheeks, let me tell you. I'd like to live with you and wear your ass as a hat for all eternity" 

*everyone including Jane's jaws drop*

Taurtis: Woah dude!

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Yuki: I've learned something today. You can't win all the time. If you don't win, you can't hold it against the person who did. Because that's the only way you ever really lose. 

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Soul: *holding a bazooka* That depends on how reasonable we are all willing to be, all I want are my friends.

Sam: wow

Soul: except Sam, you can keep him

Sam: AY!

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Soul: *yanks out her feathers* I PULLED OUT MY FEATHERS!

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Sookie: I am not going to follow you guys anymore

Grian: and how are you going to do that

Sookie: easy watch *walks away*

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