DISCLAIMER: This is a joke. I mean, obviously. 

Also, please be 13+ before continuing.

Hello peeps.

No matter where I go, I hear the sound of people complaining how single they are. And truly, what a tragedy. Imagine being a teenager and still not finding true love. I mean, how ugly do you have to be for THAT to happen?

Oh wait I'm also a teenager who's-

Anyways, today, Imma be teaching you how not to be single. You don't have to do plastic surgery in this tutorial. These methods have worked for me, and will probably work for you too!

Method 1: The Wattpad Method

You see, Wattpad is the truth. Wattpad never lies. The stories in wattpad, especially the Good Girl Bad Boy stories, are the ONLY realistic portrayals of relationships. 

Totally real.

I mean, do you know a single nerd girl who's not in a love triangle? Everyone knows nerd girls have hot guys chasing them, stalking them, calling them sugartits and all that cute stuff.  And who does not want a guy stalking, abusing and objectifying them? I sure know I do!

So my first tip is: BE A NERD GIRL.

Readers: But Thalia, you're a nerd, and you're single and eating Pringles-

WELL WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT ME YOU GUYS. Do you know how many guys say 'hi' to me? (Sure, everyone leaves as soon as I start talking, but you know.) And you know when a guy says 'hi' to a girl? WHEN THEY LIKE YOUUUU. 

Seriously, girls, if a guy EVER says hi to you or talks to you, they like you, they're hitting on you, they're turned on by you,  there is no other explanation. Why else would they waste so much energy to talk to you?

Readers: Maybe they just want to be friends?

Friends? What the hell, friends don't exist. 

Method 2: The Anime Method

If the wattpad method didn't work for you, then don't worry, I have more tips! Also, if Method 1 always works, so if it didn't, it just means you're ugly as hell, and you'll die a virgin.

And no one wants to die a virgin ok. If you did you wouldn't be reading this. 

If you're a weeb, you know exactly what I'm gonna say! Also, you're dying single, but whatever.

So after Wattpad, Animes show you exactly how to get guys. Firstly, you must have a pointy chin and hella long hair. Everyone knows pointy chins are hot as hell. Get dem pointy chins.

Secondly, stalk Senpai. Like, everywhere. Create a routine of your Senpai's life and appear at every place he should be in. He totally won't be creeped out when he founds out, trust me guys.

Also, be a yandere. Every guy likes a yandere. Every guy wishes for a girl who is extremely jealous and insecure and wants to kill like, everyone he talks to, even his mom, coz murderous jealousy? That shit is hot. And you shouldn't have a life outside of Senpai-Sama either. That's an insult to Senpai Sama, coz he's not important enough.

Also when you talk to senpai make sure never to talk in complete sentences. That's unattractive. Always stutter when you talk, coz that's cute. They don't need to understand what you're saying. Communication is like, the least important part of relationships.

Method 3: The Fool-Proof Method

So if you're reading this, you're desperate. You're a forty year old woman and you've watched all episodes of Diabolik Lovers and hentai, but you're still horny as hell. 

So my uglies, this one is for you. This method works 100%, all my clients have tried it and it worked wonders for their relationships! After trying this method, you will become IRRESISTIBLE. If you want a happier love life, watch this video:

https://youtu.be/99yyxxSYt8o

Told you you'd be irresistible.

See girls? THAT'S HOW YOU GET GUYS. 

This method is most effective, because no guy will ever say 'no' to you ever again. You have made them an offer that they can't refuse. You are just someone they can't say 'no' to. 

This is why I love Hatsune Miku people. Girl is spitting faxxxx. 

And, uh, don't try these at home obviously. Go outside during Covid19 and then try it. 

And remember, 

Your ethnicity, color, weight, bone structure, etc, doesn't matter. 

You're all ugly no matter what. 

Thanks for reading this guys. This was a joke, I'm sorry if I insulted you!

If you want another tutorial, but for boys, let me know in the comments. Vote this chapter if these tricks helped you get a manz.