Edit 2021, September 7: Critique Giveaways are only for my followers.

Some people participated without even reading the instructions properly(eg, not even voting on the cover). I also can't go through all their followings to see if they're actually my follower or not.

So for anyone who participates in future critique giveaways, I'm not asking you to follow me, obviously. I'm just asking you not to participate if you aren't following me because I want to give back to people who've supported my stuff from the beginning. Please be understanding of this!

As promised, First chapter Critiques!

Before you begin, some stuff to know:

1. Next to headings, there will be a number. This number is the Audience Retention, and tells you how many people who read the first chapter clicked through to the next chapter (in percentage of readers). Therefore, is a measure of how successful your first chapter was in hooking the readers!

2. Internal Conflict: Desire VS Fear. I recommend every story show this in the first chapter.

3. The optimal length for chapters on Wattpad is 1000-2500 words (3-8 minutes long). All of these stories exceeded that word count, so do consider this. 

4. I'll be brutally honest, but take everything with a grain of salt. If you think my writing is bad, I recommend you don't take any of my advice, either. Also, I am a NON native in English, so I highly recommend asking a native for a second opinion on your language flow.

My Sweet Awkward Love (40%)

You started off with descriptions, the strongest part of your writing. Some of the sensory details were visceral, so great job here!

Some parts felt a little flowery, but mostly the writing was of good quality. You leaned towards more showing than telling. Vocabulary was good and the story was still very accessible.

The descriptions were vivid, but could be shorter. Also, there was some 'filler' imagery. 

The MC was realistic, imperfect and likeable. You used save the cat well to make the MC very likeable, and her loss against the bad drunken guys made her relatable as well (to me at least, since I would probably lose in a street fight-)

There was attempt at humor, and while I didn't laugh out loud, it livened the writing. (Humor is kind of hard to get right, and something I personally struggle with in my writing as well. You have to be a little gutsy and accept some people might cringe at your jokes, which is terrifying- ) 

I felt like the first chapter needed Internal Conflict, though, to have more people clicking to the next chapter.

Another thing to point out: Personally I don't like Second Person POV. I much prefer if Protagonists have their own name and identity, because the self-insert MCs always act very different from me (eg, I would probably run away screaming rather than save the cat- I'm a wimp...) But this is HIGHLY my personal preference, and I know it does not align with what you personally want to achieve from the book. And many readers enjoy the book as is, so obviously I recommend you keep doing your own thing- but since  I promised to be 100% transparent, thought I'd put it out there.

Would I click the next chapter: Well, I am reading your story, so you can guess.

If I found this book on the wild of wattpad, I think I would still click the next chapter though, because I like pretty descriptions! 

You Must Remember This (33%)

Welp, you're getting a brutally honest review.

Good things: you have good vocabulary and a distinct voice. Your descriptions are good. Your sentences were wordy, so I'm assuming your target audience is Adult because the language is not easily accessible to YA or younger. However at some parts I felt like you used a thesaurus (not a bad thing, but readers shouldn't FEEL like it). Also I felt like you tried to use the most 'impressive' word instead of the most appropriate word.

The quality of language is good, however the long winding sentences make the story hard to follow, especially sentences which could easily be shortened. The caveat: long, winding sentences seem kind of your style. Your voice rgives me 'classics' and literary vibes.

I don't enjoy literary fiction, I much prefer genre fiction, so I recommend taking opinions from your target audience.

HOWEVER, this is my take on your story (It's a negative one, unfortunately).

Stories should start with character. No one cares about setting, yet most of your chapter (over 60% in fact) was descriptions of the school. Who is the MC? I don't know. Why is an MC important? Because I don't care about descriptions. And most modern readers don't, either. (I know you're aiming for a 'classic' vibe, but Polyanna, Pride and Prejudice, Harry Potter- all these stories started with character).

While your descriptions are good, I just didn't care about how amazing the school pool was because the protagonist is the yardstick by which we measure the importance of every word in a story. If it doesn't matter to a character, it doesn't matter to me. And you should make it clear why anyone would care about the info-dump of the school's architecture. 

There were some characters, who I didn't really care about either. Because I didn't get a sense of their personality or their internal conflict. Maybe start the story with teaher calling the students forward? 

Also, John said something along 'there was no conversation he could jump into, sadly, but not that he would want to anyway-' which is kind of inconsistant. Reminded me of Lucy from the Hating Game...

You had some relatable lines in your story for students, which was cool, eg, '...some students think they would mess up in first 30 seconds...'

Also, Wattpad Cheatsheet: Chapters should be 1000-2500 words, no paragraph should exceed size of an Iphone screen (Mysty's Big Help, thank you Miss Mystery Game)

Your chapter did both...

TLDR: You had some cool stuff in your story, unfortunately I did not care about it for character reasons.

Would I click the next chapter: No.

(Psst: If you are mad at me right now, feel free to rip out my writing too. Link will be in the inline comments. I know you put a lot of heart into your writing, so take some revenge!)

The Clearing (45%)

First of all, your writing is very high quality. I  suspect you have edited the book a few times.

Your prose is strong (good language use, wide vocabulary range, etc). Saying 'by-product' to refer to Jason's wound gave your character voice. Your author voice gave me 'classics' vibes, too. The descriptions were short and sweet, but you under-used sounds and feelings, leaning more towards sight for sensory details. 

I did get a sense of both of the main characters' personality, and am intrigued to know more about them. Internal conflict was shown (we know what matters to the the Professor and Victor, but we don't know WHY it matters). I would recommend you to ensure that your book passes the Bechdel test. 

Your first chapter overall was really strong, so I'm just gonna tell you the stuff I didn't like. The POV shift was very rough and took me out of the story. This is the weakest point of the whole chapter. Secondly, I just didn't like the Professor's age gap with his wife, but that's just a personal thing. You don't really have to 'fix' it or anything. 

Would I click the next chapter: Yes!

I am kind of busy at the moment writing my own book and reading exclusively romance, but I do hope to read your book someday! 

That's it! Thank you guys for participating and I hope I wasn't too mean. Of course, feel free to take revenge on me by ripping out my writing (on this book, 'Sneak Peak of TDLC- link in inline comment-)

Also if you want me to elaborate on 'Internal Conflict', let me know.

Happy writing!