Life is crazy

Things are just crazy

But not crazy crazy just it hurts y'know

The way things are and people and feelings and life before and after now

I can't handle it it's just so heartbreaking

No that's not the word

Maybe heart holding?

I know I'm yapping and I know it makes no sense and I know one day it won't matter but it holds my mind at a point of where I want to cry but there are no tears only gasping sobs where I can't breath yet I can take every breath in the world

It gives me a whole nother view on the world

But not just the world as you would think the earth and dirt and crap but people as a whole

I love people

I love people who aren't real I love people who are real I love people that don't know me I love people where I take a slight glimpse and I can't even imagine where they would be in the world one day they could be so amazing or so stuck up aweful

I still would feel bad

Doesn't everyone deserve a chance

Wait I'm crying again

I don't even know what I'm crying about

It's just this feeling I can't shake and it doesn't leave but at the same time it doesn't feel real at all yet it hurts so bad so so bad like a stab through your heart but also like a tight hug god oh god I can't do this I wish I could sleep it off but I can't stop thinking it never ends I wish it could end but then what is there to life I have to forever think and think but not thinking in a smart way but in a jealous way? I feel like there's someone out there that knows everything but not everything I want to know people but not as friends or lover but as if they were in a movie and I could watch it anytime I wanted

No

I don't know what I want but I do know

I want to know everything

It's impossible

Life if impossible people are impossible time is forever knowledge is limitless we all have our own life and we're different and we all think differently but what if we're all the same maybe some people just haven't never mind I don't know what I'm saying but I do know that this all hurts not physically or emotionally but something else I can't explain well yes it is sometimes physical like scraping your knee it feels like that but that isn't an emotion y'know it feels like and emotion but its not one I can explain all I know is that it feels like everything and nothing all at the same time

Oh how I wish people could understand

I know there is someone out there who knows exactly how I feel

In the end it's only me I'm the only one who know exactly how I feel it's crazy

Anyways

I had just watched this movie I love hate movies they're so short it's perfect but I wish it never ends

I had never watched a movie that made me feel so depressed and empty but it was the best movie I had ever watched I don't love sad movies and it wasn't sad it was so joyous for the most part but it's the idea that even if it's not real is that it could be real even if it's not the same people and places and times but it's still real and someone still felt that way I wish I could that way too if you know what I mean

Well I'm not much of a writer but hell I wish I was I wish for a lot but it's only a wish not a life necessity

I just don't understand

I'm not sure what I don't understand but it's a lot of something

It's all just emotions and in our heads but we feel it well I do anyways I feel it in my gut in my unconscious mind yeah and my heart I have to let it go or else it will drive me crazy and insane but if I do let it go it will let my head go too

I swear I'm not crazy

I just love it

Life is crazy