When Kara Danvers first arrived on this Earth, she was terrified.

She was alone in a world that thought she was evil. Her kind, anyway.

She lived in secret with Alex, slowly gaining a sense of unwelcomeness. She found herself alone, outcast, by people who didn't even know she could throw them into space. She was alone when she shouldn't be, left to bad, bad thoughts.

Thankfully, she was indestructible. She couldn't carry out those thoughts, couldn't feel the pain she thought she deserved.

Until she could.

...

If only I was a normal girl.

That was the only thought that ran through my head as I walked to work. I didn't feel like flying to work, not after yesterday.

My sister was a secret agent who worked against my kind. What was I supposed to think? That was somehow trying to help me?

Now I had to pretend everything was normal, same as usual. I hated it. I was so sick of hiding myself from these people, these humans. I wasn't one of them, wasn't gonna be.

I just wanted to go home.

Ever since I was 14 I tested different versions of suicide. Yeah, I know. "You have everything to live for," or maybe, "It'll all be okay."

What if it's not, huh? These people barely accept Superman, the man who saves their lives on a daily basis.

I tried drowning. I spent an hour down there, trying to breathe. It just didn't work that way, I guess. I tried slamming myself into the ground. I almost got busted on the eighth time, so I lied and said I played with a lot of dirt. Surprisingly, Alex bought it. I tried to wear a rope once. It hurt like hell, but it couldn't seem to be tight enough. I kept trying to adjust it until Alex got home. She didn't bust me, though.

I'm going to help them anyway. They hate me, but I'll still pull them from burning buildings. I don't know why. Maybe I'm just stupid.

Yeah. That's it.

Distracted by my thoughts, I didn't even notice I was at my destination until my face hit the glass. I groaned as a few people around me started to laugh, pointing at me in their rudeness. I felt the embarrassment creep up my neck in a blush, but they only laughed harder.

A coworker I barely knew named Steve walked over to help me pick up some of the papers I had been holding. Honestly, I was surprised. Everyone made him out to be such a jerk.

As soon as I had them all, he slammed his fist down on them, making my hands unclench and the documents to fall to the floor.

I looked up at him in anger, but everyone was laughing again, somehow even louder. So I bit my tongue and picked them all up again before rushing inside, praying they would leave me alone.

This wasn't exactly a common occurrence, but it wasn't rare, either. I was clumsy. Things happened. People thought it was hilarious.

They don't know anything, though. They never leave me alone.

My demons, they scream at me. Beg me to do something.

But I can't. I never could. It's the reason I'm alive.

Except, now I can. Kryptonite could be my saving grace if I let it. I'm sure the DEO has plenty of knives...

But how could I get my hands on them?

I don't know why, but I find myself laughing. The dream I've had ever since I got to this planet is within my grasp, and I'm laughing.

"Kara? What's up?"

I didn't realize it, but I was at my desk, practically rolling around in my chair. Winn was giving me a weird look, and it just made me laugh even harder.

"I'm sorry," I giggled. "It's nothing."

Winn sighed and laughed, too. He rolled his eyes as he did so, but I didn't really care.

If only he knew what he was laughing about.

People think they know you. They think they could tell everything about you. Like, if you have a kid. Or if you love someone. But all you have to do is put a wall up and everyone believes your lies. You could say you're perfectly okay and they'll leave you alone.

But I'm not. I've never been. I don't think I ever will be.

And that's okay, right?

I smirk as my laughter slows. I hear a shout of, "Keira!" from Cat's office. I inwardly sighed, certain I'm going to get a lecture.

I closed my fist, angrily realizing Steve made me drop Cat's latte. Not so funny now.

I turned toward the elevator, intent on getting another, but Winn is looking now and I can't get away fast enough.

"Where is it?" he whispered to me. I inwardly groaned.

"Not my fault," I muttered back as I go to face my doom.

When I walk in, Cat is searching my hands. I can see the moment she realizes I don't have it.

"In two years you haven't forgotten it," she says in that voice. The one that shows she's angry beyond words. "Why have you now?"

"Uh..." I stalled for time. She wouldn't take Steve as an excuse, and she fired people pretty easily, so I could be in trouble.

"Whatever," she said, and I am so glad I could scream.

"Go. Shoo." She makes the gesture, and I don't feel human. To be fair, I'm not, but it still hurts. That's how you would treat a dog, not someone you think is human.

I looked down at my feet as I shuffled out, too embarrassed to do anything else.

When I arrived back at my seat, I couldn't help but wish I had the knife with me.

I could end this. I could end all my suffering with a little bit of pain. All I had to do was get the knife.

As my thoughts wandered, I didn't notice how tight my fists were. Winn did, though, just like he did everything. Good thing he couldn't read my thoughts.

"Kara?" he whispered from his desk. I snapped up, worry making its way into my features. I had trained my body to look worried when people said my name and I was too deep in my thoughts to notice. That way, they'd never suspect the anger. The hurt.

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay?" I could see, practically feel, the worry coming off him. Stupid love. I would never understand it. It was the main reason my life was shit, after all.

"I'm fine," I lied. Now, I never expected Winn to believe it. He never did. He just didn't know what the lie was.

"Let me know if you wanna talk," he replied. He always said something like that.

The rest of the day was uneventful, with me ending at one conclusion.

I needed that knife, even if it killed me. Especially if it killed me. That was the point, right?

Everything alive dies. My goal was just to make mine demise come sooner.

They don't understand. For them, it's a problem, not a solution. It's a disease, not a cure. For us, it's the cure. The clarity. The solution to every problem. They say it's a phase, or it's wrong, but is it really? Is it really so wrong that the only way we express our feelings is by out wrists? Is it really that wrong that no one bothers to care until it's too late?

Sure, I hadn't ever done it. But I would. That night, I would fly into the DEO. Break through the walls. Rip the doors. Find the knife, slit my throat.

They would regret kidnapping me. And Alex? Well, she'd regret betraying her younger sister.

...

Notes: I just couldn't continue it. Maybe someday.

Hope you enjoyed!