Since it's the last day of school for me, I'm publishing funny stuff I heard at school.

Band Teacher: *puts one of those metal trashcans over a kid's head*
Band Teacher: As I was saying,

Band Teacher, talking about concert attire: You want to dress like you're going to church-
Girl: I don't go to church.
Band Teacher: Well it doesn't matter, we worship band here.

Math Teacher @ one kid: Are you okay?
Math Teacher: Well you never are, but are you right now?

Band Teacher: *wears a shirt with his own face on it*
Band Teacher: *casually* Good afternoon class.
Us: What the fu-

Boy: Ugh! This is hard!
Science Teacher: Doesn't matter, you never do anything anyways.

Girl in Band: *drops her baritone and makes a loud clanging noise*
Boy next to her: I think you dropped something.

Math Teacher @ a girl: ARE STILL HUFFING ON ALCOHOL WIPES?!

Math Teacher: *hears something out in the hall*
Math teacher: I don't want to know.

Girl in Band: "Hot cross buns" sounds MUCH better then cheesy humans.

Girl @ her friend: Let's commit arson.

Boy in Language Arts: How Do you speak Sim language?

Girl: Let's play 1, 2, 3, quiet as a mouse!
Language Arts Teacher: We'd all loose.

(She actually pointed at me and said I would win, so...)

Boy in Math: Google is ALWAYS right!

Math Teacher: How do you even spell seperate?

Boy in Math @ another boy: Thank you for your service, future McDonald's manager.

Boy in Math: How do you spell USA?

*Bell rings*
Us: *leaving*
Math Teacher: Have a good day!
Boy: No!
Math Teacher: Or don't.

Me: *walks into Social Studies*
Me: *hears P!ATD blasting over the speakers*

Substitute Teacher: *doing attendance*
Sub: *calls a girl's name*
Girl: Car insurance!

Band Teacher: We're beyond Starbucks cool.

Girl in Language Arts: THAT'S NOT ZENDAYA!

Boy in Science: Hagrid is my dad!

Language Arts Teacher: Why are you sitting in the back?
Girl: Well you see,
Girl: It's quiet back here.

Math Teacher: *doing a Sodoku*
Math Teacher: *rips it in half*

*Class is playing Kahoot*

Math Teacher: Now this one's easy.
Math Teacher: But if you get it wrong I'm ending my teaching career.

Friend and her boyfriend: *being cute*
Other Friend: I feel so single around them.
Them: Except I'm not.

Me: *walks under one of the lights*
Light: *goes out*
Band Teacher: *looks at me worridely and backs away*

Language Arts Teacher: You feel good when you help someone, right?
Boy: No.
Language Arts Teacher: Oh... Okay.

Math Teacher: Can you catch?
Girl: Yes.
Math Teacher: But can I throw?

Girl in Math: Did you say I'm pregnant?

Boy in Math: Why is it wet?

Boy: That's not a horse chicken! It's a Pegasus!

Friend: Slapping the display soil at Wal-Mart is fun.
Me: Slapping anything is fun.
Friend: Especially babies.
Me: True, considering how soft their skin is.
Friend: *dies laughing*

Language Arts Teacher: We're all aliens.

Us: *hears banging outside*
Boy: What was that?
Girl: Aliens.

Boy: *tells a pun*
Other Boy: I don't get it.
Math Teacher: Ignore him, he thinks he's funny.

Boy: It's quiet.
Math Teacher: Shh, don't ruin it.

Boy in Math: DID YOU KNOW 9 BACKWARDS IS 6?!

Boy in Math: Amercia should invade Britain!

(Idk why I find this funny.)

Friend's Boyfriend: Are you okay?
Me, walking by: Is she ever okay?

Girl in Language Arts: What should I name my pig?
Other Girl: Crispy bacon.

Boy: Watch me deepthroat a carrot!

Once some girl was watching Hazbin Hotel in enrichment and her headphones unplugged and all of us heard Angel's "harder daddy~" from the fight scene.

Boy: 911, help! I shoved the Titanic up my ass!

(Idk why I find this funny too.)

Boy in Math: Being gay is so gay.

Girl in Language Arts: *recites a whole Grammarly ad from memory*

Once a friend and I were singing Corpse's "E-girls Are Ruining My Life" in the hall and another girl joined in, so we ended up singing all of it.

Friend #1: My day started horribly! I witnessed a baby squirrel get run over!
Friend #2: Squish squirrel.
Friend #1: AAAAHHH-

So one of my friend's locker number is 470 so the one next to his is 469.

So I reached up and covered the 4.

His eyes widened so fast-

Boy @ Math Teacher: Since I'm your favorite, will you name your kid Buckwheat?
Math Teacher: I am not naming my kid Buckwheat.

*Girl gets called to the office*
Boy: What did she do now?

Boy, in the middle of silence in Language Arts: Donkey weenus!

My Language Arts teacher once asked the class what the word "ponder" meant and I was the only one who knew.

I only knew because I watch Pinky and the Brain a lot.

Math Teacher: Why are you all so weird?
Boy: Why are you having another kid?

Boy: But I don't want to be part of the stupid jury!
Language Arts Teacher: Well would you like to be the stupid person who gets sent to the hall?

Boy in Math: It's like battleship but without ships and battling.

Boy: I need help!
Math Teacher: I need my own help.

Boy #1: Are you Italian? Because you're hot.
Boy #2: That doesn't make any sense.
Boy #1: It's because Italian food is hot.
Boy #2: Italian food is also cold.
Boy #1: You're cold.

Boy: We're having chicken noodle for lunch.
Other Boy: You're a chicken and have noodle arms.

A boy in Math randomly starting sing the Cleavland Brown Show theme song, including all the voices.

Boy: *asks me to hand him a piece of paper that fell in front of me*
Me: *hands it to him and goes back to drawing*
Boy's Friend: You need to say please and thank you!
Boy: I did, mom!

(It's dumb, but I thought it was funny)

Boy @ his Math work: What the fricking fudge is this?!
Other Boy: Hey! Watch it!

Boy in Math: *stands up* Everybody! Look at my new Tic Tac dance!

(Yes, he actually said that)

Boy @ his friend: Have you ever had a deep-fried peanut before?
Other Boy: I'll deep-fry your peanut.

Friend: *slowly getting anxious*
Friend: My inner Virgil is kicking in.

(Context of this is that her and another friend of ours got together and we were all gushing about how cute they were and we accedently caused too much attention.)

Math Teacher: Sign the grey line, Logan.
Math Teacher: The grey line.

Girl in Band: *bumps into a chair*
Girl @ chair: Bless you!

(Y'all... I died when I seen her do this.)

Marching Band Person: What kind of trumpet do you have?
Boy: A trumpet.

(Literally the whole band class laughed.)

Girl: *falls*
Boy: *points @ her*
Boy: You fell.

Girl: *flips hair*
Girl: We're not like other bands.

(R/notlikeotherbands)

Girl: I like the color black.
Band Teacher: Black like your soul.

Boy: *accidently turns off the light in Language Arts class*
Girl: That's a very simpy thing thing to do.

Boy in Band: My sister once stabbed my water gun with a knife.
Girl: What kind of knife?
Boy: It doesn't matter!
Girl: Yes it does!

Boy @ Girl: Square up!
Girl: Triangle up!

Girl: Everyday is leg day.

Girl @ Boy: Your trumpet's leaking.

Boy: You're actually pretty cool.
Band Teacher: Woah- he called me cool.

Band Teacher: *proceeds to play a song from Wicked on the piano*

Band Teacher @ Us: So have you matured?
Us: *starts laughing*

*PA comes on*
Us: *doesn't hear anything*
Boy: Rawr~

Boy @ another Boy: Says the boy who was touching me!
Girl: What?!

Girl: When life gives you lemons,
Girl: Throw them at people.

Band Teacher: My grandma called it "MacDonald's".
Us: What.

Band Teacher, in a high pitched voice: Waaa!
Band Teacher, in a low pitched voice: Waaa!

Band Teacher: Does anyone remember what a chorale is?
Girl: *raises hand*
Band Teacher: Yes?
Girl: Okay, I don't know what it means, but there is a Golden Coral.

Girl: The toilet is a funeral home for food.
Boy: No, the toilet is a funeral home for fish.

Band Teacher: Seven Elvis.
Band Teacher: .. Selvis.

Girl in Band after hitting the high note of her trumpet: I done diddily did it!

Band Teacher: Bacon for life.

Boy: That's cannibalism!

Boy: Imagine eating Pickle Rick.

(These were all on different occasions, but.. My God they work so perfectly together.)

Girl in Band: I wanna be a hotdog.

Boy in Band: Donald Trumpet.

Band Teacher: For all things Holy, please don't mess this up.

(They were quarter notes by the way, so pretty simple.)

Girl: Your old self is also your new self.
Band Teacher: Are you in the Matrix?

Boy in Band: *randomly laughs*
Other Boy: Why are you laughing?
Girl: Probably at the gnomes in his head because he's lonely.

One time in band a girl, myself, and a boy were listening to Hamilton and singing it.

Literally the best day ever.

Me, a friend, and another friend: *skipping class*
Friend #1: Well nobody needs to know.
Friend #2: 🎶Nobody needs to know🎶
*both of us proceed to sing The Reynolds Pamphlet*

Band Teacher, reminding me what note I'm playing: Middle finger in a nice way.

And that's all of it!

Thank God school is over though, it feels like it's been forever.

But I am not prepared to spend three months with my family, that's for sure.

But whatever.

Oh! And I got the idea to watch an episode of Phinas and Ferb each day of summer vacation.

Because, y'know...

A HUNDRED AND FOUR DAYS OF SUMMER VACATION AND SCHOOL COMES ALONG JUST TO END IT-

Yeah, literally my childhood.

Along with Full House, The Nanny, Diary of a Wimpy Kid, and Spongebob.

Oh, and basically any '90s cartoons.

Okay, anyways, I'm gonna go write for a while!