Paint my lips tulip red,
Curl my hair up in a bun,
No, I'm not filled with dread.

Circle my eyes with charcoal black,
Text my friend that I'm ready to go,
Pretend I don't feel so out of wack.

Tug on my shirt that's jungle green,
Cover my arms with a shrug.
I'm the same as I've always been.

Her eyes so filled with hope,
We walk by but I can't stop.
All I have to say is nope.

She laughs and teases, jokes on me,
I can't explain why I can't go in.
I just wish that I could be free.

Soon, she realizes it's not a game,
All I can do is apologize,
How is this who I became?

She doesn't understand at all,
She stupidly keeps asking, why?
And I finally hit the wall.

Doesn't she see that I just need a break?
I'm not broken, but that's what she sees,
I'm me, I'm tired, I'm not a flake.

Stop pushing!
Take me home.
Stop pressing!

I always had control of it,
But somehow I've lost my strength,
And everytime you ask is like another hit.