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Naramdaman ko yung mabagal nitong paghalik sa kin. At para akong estatwa na huminto dahil sa ginawa nito. He was still kissing me this passionately kahit di ako gumagalaw. I was too much shocked. Napasinghap ako ng hinatak nito ang bewang ko at ilagay ang isang kamay nito sa aking ulo. He did take that chance to kiss me more deeply at napapikit na lang ako. Alam kong pulang pula ako ngayon at hirap din ako huminga.

This is my first kiss and he just stolen it.

I was trying to push him but he was too strong. Nagulat na lang ako ng may tumikhim sa kung saan para tumigil ito sa paghalik sa kin. But still his arms was on my waist. Lumayo ito and I saw my mom shocked face.

"Ehem, bumaba na kayo at naihanda ko na ang pagkain." Pagkasabi nito ay bumaba na ito.

I was dumbfounded and for sure I'm blushing as hell sa nangyari. My mom see me kissing a guy in front of my door. No, I didn't kiss him, he is the one who kissed me.

My God, this is frustrating the hell out of me!

This guy tooks my hand and pull me downstairs. He looks so satisfied at bakit naman. Of course, ninakawan ako nito ng halik kaya masaya ito. And I remember may gf pala ito so what am I? A third wheel? Hinayaan ko na lang hatakin ako nito while thinking all the possible reason for him to do this.

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"I'm too happy na kayo na pala ng anak ko." Pinanlakihan ko ng mata si mama.
"Ma! What are you even saying? Di ko siya boyfriend, may girlfriend yan." And I eat the food in front of me.
"Girlfriend? I don't have any girlfriends, I'm busy with work."

This guy just slice the meat with class. Typical rich guy indeed even his aura omits it. And why is he still here?

"Si Rhea. Di ba gf mo yun?" I even saw them kissing on the stage.

Nakakunot na binababa nito yung utensils niya. And looks at me dangerously, mukhang di nito nagustuhan ang sinabi niya.

"Rhea? I already break up with her 8 years ago. And that's the best decision I made." He lifted again his utensils and continue eating. I saw him smile suddenly. "Are you jealous?"

Lumingon ito sa kin at di mabura ang ngiti nito. He looks like enjoying teasing me in front of my mother.

Linapit nito ang mukha sa kin. "You were jealous, don't you?"
"No, I'm not. I have my share-" He looks at me madly and I get scared a little. "F-fine I don't have but still I'm not jealous." I continue eating again.
"Good, because you are only mine."
"I'm not yours."
He stops eating and looks at me. "The moment I laid my eyes on you. You are already mine."
"Nababaliw ka na!"

And he just smiles at me sweetly and pinch my face lightly.

"Yes, I was crazy for you."

Narinig kong humagikgik si mama. I miss my mother enjoying like this. Kahit I was annoyed by this guy at core. I still love how my mother make this kind of face because of him. She looks happy and very well contented. Maybe, I need to thank this guy. Kahit sinaktan ako nito ng ilang beses.

"You guys look good together." While resting her chin in her hand.
"Ma!"
"Ganyang ganyan kami ng papa mo nung buhay pa siya." She was reminiscing her childhood with papa. "Kahit nag-aaway kami nung papa mo, in the end he will hug and kiss me." Her smile lifted the mood in our house. "Parang kayong dalawa."

Pero I need to correct my mother pa rin. Hinde ako girlfriend ni Francisco. I don't even have status on him.

"Ma, we are not in a relationship." I don't want to give false hope on her kahit mukhang masaya siya.

Alam din ni mama ang depression ko and it's because of this guy. She was not disappointed when I said it to her. But always said to me na para daw maka-recover ako is I need to enjoy my feelings to this guy and not look at the bad side of things. My doctor and mama is the only one who said na kailangan kong harapin itong nararamdaman ko. And accept the failure of everything.

I'm a perfectionist, the reason that I get attached and hurt easily. And ayaw ko ng failure, maybe I need to look at the bright side of things. Hinde lahat ng bagay ay makukuwa at hinde lahat ng tao mamahalin ako. I think I need that mindset to recover.

"I know... But maybe soon? Gusto ko na rin magkaroon ng apo." At sa harapan pa talaga ni Francisco niya sinabi yan.
I gasp. "Ma, naman!" Tumawa ito ng mahina.
"Sige na nga kahit di mo na apo. Kahit makapag-asawa ka lang muna, I will be happy." I saw my mama pout. "Ang kuya mo kasi hinde pa rin nag-aasawa at di pa rin ako binibigyan ng apo."

And I remember that girl who looks at me angrily from the party at napatawa ako ng mahina. Nagtaka si mama at Francisco.

"I just remember someone from the Rancho Paraiso."
"It's a guy?" Tanong ni mama at binagsak ni Francisco ang utensils nito. Nag-sorry ito nabitawan lang daw.
"Well there's a lot of handsome guys there."

I feel that Francisco grabs and hold my hand tightly under the table. He just continue eating with his right hand.

"So it's a guy? But..."
"Ma, it's not a guy but a girl."

Lumuwang ang pagkakahawak nito sa kamay ko nung sinabi kong babae yung naalala ko. And he looks so happy, I know dahil di siya nakakunot.

"Sabi ni Dereck love interest daw ni Kuya. I was glared by the girl, kung alam niyo lang ma." Tumawa ang mama niya. "Kung ang tingin nakakamatay baka nakalupasay na ko."
"It means he loves your brother. Kasi mukhang pinagselosan ka pa anak." Binaba na nito ang tinidor nito. "Maganda ba siya, anak?"
"No ma, because she is pretty cute. Nagtaka nga ako di naman ganun type ni kuya."
"I'm happy na it's not your brother's ideal, kasi kung ideal type ng kuya mo ang dadalhin niya sa kin. That will be too boring."

Natawa din si Francisco sa tabi ko dahil sa sinabi ni mama. He looks at ease mukhang di nito pinoproblema ang ex-girlfriend nitong si Rhea. We just finish what we are eating habang nakikipagkwentuhan kay mama.

I excuse myself when I receive a call. It's an international call baka sa mga ka orchestra niya sa France.

'Hello, who is this?'
'Hannah!'

Si Celine ba itong kausap ko? It's been so long but she is a close friend of mine.

'Celine is that you?'
"Yes, it's me. Thank God you answer at first call. Please help us!"

Bakit may nangyari ba and she sounds like in a hurry. She sounds like panicking, maybe it's adrenaline rush.

'Is something happen?'
'Ruvia was in a commatose stage and we don't know what we will do.'

Ruvia is a Violinist like me and actually a close friend of mine also. And what commatose stage, anong nangyari sa kanya?

'What happen with her?' Napalakas ang boses ko.
'She was in an accident with his boyfriend. His boyfriend is death on the spot and Ruvia...' Celine breakdown. 'She was badly injured especially her arms and still critical until now. We don't know what to do anymore. All the Violinist in the group are all busy with their world trips. And we can't just change the violinist all of a sudden, the people want her. And the organizers will not accept just someone for replacement.' She paused. 'They want you, Hannah.'

Alam ni Celine na gusto kong magkaroon ng bagong buhay dito sa pilipinas. That's why they support my decision when I quit the group. Even our leader accepted it, alam nilang gagaling ako dito kasama si mama. They are like my family also, I was playing in the orchestra for 5 years. My bond with them can't be break easily.

'Please don't cry Celine...'
'I know you want to have a new life there. We don't want to disturb you, we want you to be healed also.'
'It's fine, Celine. I will play for Ruvia, she was dear to me. And I know she doesn't want to disappoint the group, Ruvia treasure all of you.'

I walk towards my bag pack beside the couch and get my passbook and visa. I remove also the unneccesary things on my bagpack. Linagay ko ang phone ko sa balikat ko at tenga while arranging everything.

'What is the date of the performance?'
'It's three days from now, Hannah.'
'How long is the concert?'
'It's a one week concert.'
'Okay, I understand. I will come and will book flights for now.'
'You don't need to book anything. The organizer already arrange everything. You just need to come to the airport. And we really want to apologize also, you just quit 1 week ago and fly there. Then you need to come here immediately again.' She said disappointedly.
'Seriously, Celine? Don't apologize okay, I understand everything.'
'But you don't want fame?'

What she said is true, that concerto for sure is a big one. If I entered the orchestra and play, my name will be over the tabloids. I was popular there but not very famous in a sense that I was known in the whole world. Pero if I play on that concerto I will be an instant celebrity. One of my reason kaya ako nag-quit.

'I'm doing this for you guys and also for Ruvia, so don't even worry. I will handle myself. A simple thank you and a bit of payment can do.'
Narinig ko siyang tumawa sa kabilang line. 'Thank you very much, Hannah. You are really are saviour.'
'Gosh, you are so dramatic. Send me the details of the flight and also the concert pieces so I can study it.'
'Take care, Hannah. I love you.'
'I love you guys also.' At binaba na niya ang phone.

I was fixing all the things, I will carry on the airport. The dress I will just buy it or I think Celine already prepare everything. Sa personality ng babaeng yun binilhan na ko nun.

"What are you doing!"

Lumabas yata ang buong puso ko sa kaba. Bakit bigla bigla kasi tong nagsasalita. I look at him and he looks terrified.

"I'm asking you, what are you doing!" Pasigaw nitong tanong sa akin.
"Francisco anak, calm down."

Takot na takot ang itsura niya ngayon and he breath unstably. Mukhang frustrated ito at pinagbaksakan ng mundo dahil lang sa ginagawa kong pag-aayos ng bagpack ko.

"Tita, I can't just calm down. She was leaving me again like what happen 8 years ago! Di ko na kayang mawala siya! I can't take that anymore."

I saw him breakdown in front of me and cover his eyes. Is he crying?

"Hinde ko na kayang mawala siya baka ikamatay ko na pag nawala pa siya..."

Wala siyang sinasabi na kahit anong I love you ba't I feel his sorrow and I hear his hiccoughs while saying those words. I saw him like this when I was young sa bahay nina Dereck.

He was confessing to me without the actual word.

I was also shocked to see him like this. Ganyan ba siya katakot dati pa na mawala ako sa tabi niya? Parehas ba kami ng nararamdaman and I just swallow with my depression kaya di ko nakita yun? I gasp in my realization, he loves me. He loves me katulad ng pagmamahal ko sa kanya. I found myself tearing up dahil sa na realize ko. I just can't believe it. Yung taong mahal na mahal ko, mahal din pala ako. I just can't explain the feeling.

"Ma... Pwede bang maiwan niyo muna kaming dalawa?" Tumingin ako kay mama. "Pwede po ba?"
My mother goes to me and pats my shoulder. "I let you children fix your problems, okay?" I smile at my mama and she leaves the place.
"Francisco..." Tawag ko sa kanya pero di nito tinatanggal ang kamay nito sa mukha niya. "Frisky!" Yes, I call him in that name.

Parang naestatwa ito sa pagtawag ko sa dating nickname nito at tinanggal na nito ang kamay nito. Nagmumugto ang mata nito and it means he really cried. He looks so shocked while looking at me.

"I'm leaving for awhile." Sinuot ko ang backpack ko. "Will you wait for me? I promise mag-uusap tayo pagbalik ko."
"No! You will not leave!"
I sighed "You are forgetting something, I'm a musician."

Natigilan ito sa sinabi ko, well I'm stating a fact. I'm not in the orchestra anymore pero pag may emergency I will definitely fly immediately. Tutulungan ko ang mga prof at mga kaibigan ko dun. They are my family also.

Lumapit ako dito at yinakap ito, I hear him gasp.

"I will be back, I promise." Lumayo ako dito at hinawakan ang mukha nito. He looks like a little kid. "This is so weird." I chuckle
Nakita ko kung paano kumunot ang noo nito. "You are laughing at me!" Sabi nito ng pagalit.
"I'm not, I just find this weird. I never touch you like this in my whole life."

Nagbago ang itsura nito at umamo ang tingin nito sa kin. He looks angelic, but I like his face kahit lagi ito busangot.

"I have touched and kissed you so many times." Ako naman ang napakunot ang noo sa sinabi nito.
"What do you mean with that?"
Tumingin ito sa ibang direksyon. "Nothing."

I remove my hands from him. Nagvibrate ang phone ko at nakita ko ang oras ng flight. Alas tres ng hapon ang nakalagay. Kailangan ko na pala umalis para mahabol ko ang flight.

Tumingin ako sa oras sa phone ko. I have enough hours bago ang flight ko.

"I need to leave."
"I want to come with you..." Sabay hawak sa kamay ko.
"Di ba businessman ka, I'm sure may mga business meetings ka."

Ayaw kong istorbohin ito sa trabaho nito especially we are grown up adults na. Hinde na ako bata para bantayan pa, I live my life for a long time sa France. It's my 2nd home.

"No, it's fine if I-" Tumunog ang ringtone ng phone nito.

It's the piece I played for him, I'm sure of it. That's the sound of my Violin, I just know. Inirecord ba niya ang performance ko noon?

He excuse himself and answer his phone in front of me. I saw him grim while someone is talking in the other line. Nagdilim lalo ang mukha nito at sumigaw ito sa kabilang line. I think it's something about a meeting that will happen tomorrow. What an exact timing, I didn't expect na may meeting nga siya. Mukhang kinukumbinsi siya ng kausap nito sa kabilang line na kailangan siya sa meeting. Wala rin naman nagawa ito sa huli at pumayag na rin at binaba ang phone nito.

I smile at him. "So may meeting ka bukas?"
"Unfortunately." Matabang nitong sabi. "Let me accompany you to the airport."
"It's fine, I think you need to review your reports for the meeting."
"The heck with that meeting!" Nagulat ako sa pagsigaw nito pero maya maya ay naging mahinahon na ito. "I just want to be with you until your departure flight, Hannah."
"Wag ka ngang malungkot ng ganyan. Okay fine, pwede mo kong ihatid dun kung yun ang magpapasaya sayo."

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Inihatid nga ako nito sa airport at nag-coffee kami sa loob ng shop. We are sitting opposite to each other.

"Hey! Wala ka bang balak magsalita?"

Kanina pa kasi ito tahimik simula ng tumawag yung secretary nito. Mukhang bad mood dahil gusto ngang sumama nito sa kin, but his business needs him. That's his life of course.

Ininom nito ang inorder nitong cold coffee. "I want to come with you, I feel like na hinde ka na babalik. And you will leave me for good."

I was in the middle of replying to a group chat of Olivia and Dereck. They are also worried sick that I'm together with Francisco. They are asking multiple question na isa lang rin naman isasagot ko. Nang matapos ko ng replyn sila ay tumingin ako kay Francisco at ngumiti.

"I'm actually leaving for good." Tinignan ako ng masama nito at tumawa ako ng mahina. "Syempre kailangan kong umalis in good condition. That's what I mean."

Olivia wants a video call and calling my phone. I just answer it para naman malaman nila na ayos na ko.

Pinahinto ko muna si Francisco sa pagsasalita baka kasi magalit na naman ito.

'My friend!' Bati ko dito at kumaway sa may screen.
'You are not my friend!' Mukhang galit ito. 'You said you will avoid him, bakit ka nakikipag-usap sa kumag na yan ngayon.'

Mukhang sumama na naman ang timpla nito dahil naman sa sinabi ni Olivia. Uminom na lang ito ng kape nito.

'Mukhang ikaw ang may hidden grudge kay Francisco baka gusto mo kausapin?' At tinapat ko kay Francisco ang video call.

He just glare at Olivia while the other one is ranting about sa mga ginawa nito sa kin. I just find this really funny dahil walang kagatol gatol na pinatay ni Francisco ang end call.

"That friend of yours is annoying." Uminom ulit ito ng coffee. "If hinde mo lang kaibigan yun, I already say some words to her."
I drink my coffee also. "What words naman?"
"Mean words because both Dereck and her did something that I will never forget."
"Anong klase naman?"

I laugh while replying at Olivia mukhang galit na galit ito dahil binabaan siya ni Francisco.

"Linayo ka nila sa kin." Napatingin ako dito and he look so serious. "They didn't give me a chance na makita ka nung paalis ka na sa France. That was too traumatic for me."
"And it's your birthday nung araw na yun..."
"Yes, I was in a dillema-" Narinig kong mapamura ito ng marinig nito ang flight details ko. "Ngayon lang ulit tayo nagkasama ng ganito. And you need to leave..." I saw him ruin his hair. "This is frustrating."

Tumayo na ito at hinatak na ako palabas ng coffee shop sa loob ng airport. He accompanies me hanggang sa departing area, wala pa rin itong balak bitawan ang kamay ko.

"Promise me you will come back." He is practically begging baka lumuhod pa nga ito if he is desperate enough. "Promise me..."
I walked up to him and hugs him. "I will come back, mag-uusap pa tayo di ba." He hugs me back before he let go of me.
"Pag di pa kita binitawan baka di na kita mapakawalan." I nod.

I hear the last call of my flight. And I walked towards the departure area without turning my back. Because if I turned I know na baka umatras ako and I don't want that to happen inaasahan nila ako sa orchestra ngayon.