At a Chinese buffet:

Dad: I would get more crawfish, but I don't want to seem like a glutton

Mom: that ship has sailed

Me: about 3 plates of crawfish ago
(fyi he had 5 plates of crawfish and a plate of clams when they had no crawfish left)

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At an Asian fusion restaurant:

Dad: does the bill add up to a prime number?

Mom: no, it's a multiple of 3

Me: so we could pay it all off in $3 bills

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At a fast food place in-between Washington and Alabama:

Parents: *ordered halibut*

Mom, after trying it: this tastes like chicken, are you sure it's chicken

Me, after tasting a fry that touched the fish and mouth got slightly itchy: I'm quite sure it's fish

Dad: it has the same taste and texture ad chicken

Me: you do realize

*And they proceed to debate if it's fish or chicken, even going to an employee*

(Fyi, both my brother and I are allergic, but mine is very minor and young me was stupid and decided to not let my parents know I was allergic, but for some reason I can have shrimp, but as far as I know, nothing else, my brother hasn't touched fish for quite a few years so I forgot how allergic he is, but they know he is allergic so ye)

Me: you do realize that this chain only exists in landlocked states, why did you expect the fish to be any good?... Also the hamburger was decent, not great

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After walking out of a building:
*is raining*

Mom: I think it'd going to rain

Me: going to? My guess is it's going to rain about 5 minutes ago

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(Fyi this chapter was transcribed after I got to Alabama, so not everything is 100% correct and I forgot some things so...)