Alice

I vividly recall my mother talking to me about true mates. I remember her face as she spoke, her smile meeting her eyes. Her expression bright. Her sweet voice was light and airy, excited like a pup on the eve of the full moon celebration. It was always with great admiration and sweet, love filled memories . Utter joy I always hoped I would feel for myself. It was always laced heavily with respect and a sense of complete unearthly appreciation for the gift that the goddess had given those who found their mate. Their destined other half.

It never contained stories of gut wrenching heart ache and scorn fuelled assholes who ripped already damaged souls into tiny tattered pieces.

It's as though Gainey is determined to suck every last drop of hope from my horror filled bones.

If it wasn't bad enough that I over heard his cruel words, he saw me standing there, so I have no way to pretend like it didn't really happen. He had to have known that I may overhear every last syllable of his damning message and knowing that I definitely did. he still said nothing.

Our mate ship means nothing.

I mean nothing.

I hadn't even made my opinion about us known. I had not come to a real decision either way. I never expected there to be an us anyway really. Yet here he is, declaring me unworthy. Unwanted. Not mate-worthy.

Fucking ouch.

The rage simmers inside of me. The acid and bile rise in my throat and I feel my wolf dragging her claws down the inner dwelling of my mind, wishing it was his skin she could scar. She wants blood. She wants out.

Now.

Ellena catches me in the hallway as I stomp towards the back door. Her face is a picture of agony and I know that she too,  witnessed Gainey's cruel declaration.

"Watch Rox for me. I need to run." I say, not even looking back but knowing that she will do as I ask.

I barely make it out of the door and down the steps before I burst at the seams literally and figuratively and let my wild nature take over. My paws thunder the earth below me, claws taking scraps of the dust and grass prisoner as I gallop towards the edge of the territory.
My heart hammers in my expanded chest as my lament filled angry howls let loose into the sky. My head tips back and up, towards the rising moon, so that she may see and feel every part of my cruel circumstance. My disappointment and my rage. My hurt and my sorrow. All of it is set free as I fly through the scrub and snow towards the mountain range.

I run, pushing my limbs to the limit as I reach the base of the climb. I spring upwards and immediately fall victim to multiple scratches from the jagged rocks. They barely make  an impact on my body let alone my state of mind. I'm too pent up to pay any notice to the tiny hurt from the cuts when my heart is busy dealing with the big hurt I don't want to face.

Tooth and claw lead me roughly to the top and as I scale the last of the quartz covered boulders, I leave behind the pack house and it's inhabitants. Namely one in particular.

Instead, I pace forward and towards the edge,  heading around to face the way I came from and I pause to perch on the flat surface, lightly dusted with fresh powder, looking out quietly at the site before me.

From here I can see the grounds once more but from a very different perspective. I'm so far above them that they cannot see me, nor me them but I know we still feel each other. As much as I don't want to believe it, this pack had started to feel like a second home. A second skin. A second chance. A new beginning.

Yet I'm still so far from belonging.

As the dark sets in, the dainty lights around the village spark to life, tiny specks of gold in the deep navy of the night.

I come to drop once I reach the top of the summit and sit, my tale swishing side to side in agitation, causing a small puff of snow around my body.

The fury I feel internally is mostly aimed at Gainey but I am also mad at myself. Im filled with angst for allowing a speck of hope to creep into my soul. Lately only despair and sorrow have lived there, residing where love and joy for my pack and family once were, filling the empty void with dark need and hate filled motives and the heavy burden of guilt.

How did I not notice the sliver of hope that dared to grow amongst the weeds of my pain? Like the rare winter rose that grows in the snow, the beauty is devastating because we all know it's fate. The bitter end is inevitable, no matter how hard it tries to bloom in the frigid surroundings. No matter how strong the petals are under the delicate mist of white. Sooner or later, it's beauty will be cruelly snuffed out by the wicked cold. The end was written before it even had a chance to bloom.

Just like any hope I dared to dream. Gone in one night because of him.

A low growl leaves my throat without warning.
I feel so...confused. I'm equally embarrassed and hurt about his choice of words but I'm also a little angry. How dare he reject me. I wasn't going to accept the mating. Not when I have Rox and my duty. But that doesn't mean I wanted to be spoken of like some discarded, second rate she wolf. The way he said those things... is that what he thinks of me?

Is that what I think of me?

My howl comes out as a whine. The pain clear for anyone below to hear. But the moment it ends, my muzzle lifts in a snarl. I am stronger than this. I have been through so much. Come so far. I refuse to let him do this to me.

I know what I need to do.

As soon as my decision is made, my mind clicks into action. My body begins a sudden and rapid decline, my powerful limbs taking the trail down at a much faster pace than the ascent and with much less precision. The tips of the rocks cut into my pads time and time again but I pay no attention, the sharp cuts add fuel to my plan.

The snow turns to red covered sleet in a trail behind me as I make my way to the base line. I slip a little as I edge onto the flat surface, sliding towards the trees more so than running.

The words I need to say play on repeat in my head like an angry teenage rock playlist. The powerful message causes rage and fire to flood through my veins thicker than blood and filling my heart and mind with only one thought.

Freedom.

I will take back the power in this doomed duo. I will
not let myself or my family down acting like some love sick pup.

I will take back the power I didn't mean to give. To him or anyone who dares to disrespect me.

As I skid towards the edge of the rough scrub of the lower lines of the range, I take in a familiar scent. And two others I don't recognise as pack.

What is she doing?

I come to a fast stop at the edge of the tree line, not willing to be seen though I know they will scent me regardless.
I don't trust her or her motives, no matter who she is in this pack.

I wait quietly in the shadows, using the wind and weather to cover my position and try to listen into the conversation.

She is brave meeting the strange wolves here in human form, whoever they are, they are not of this pack. That much I know.

"She is here and she won't be an issue. I can guarantee the trade, if he can meet my demand?" Her face is stoic but the slight lift in her voice gives away her fear. To me anyway. She is trying to come across as brave but the way she her eyes dart to the house and back rapidly shows her nerves.

"He agrees. But you only have ten days to make the trade or the deal is off." The larger man says, getting into her face and poking at her chest with his finger.

"Agreed." She says quickly, moving swiftly backwards and towards the house without a glance back in their direction

The two strangers lift their heads and sniff into the air, their heads turning my way briefly before they shift and move in the opposite direction. And fast.

A few minutes go by and I remain in my hiding space until I think they would have made the pack line. I hesitantly step out to head for the house but my return is quickly interrupted by the sound of paws hitting the earth. And coming my way.

I recognise the wolf forms of Gainey and Benji immediately. But I do not recognise the third. As they come closer, I smell the familiar scent of the she wolf and if that didn't register, the smart smirk her muzzle is lifted into gives her away.

Gia. Of course.

This is about to get interesting.

Benji meets my eyes and nods his head. He needs me to shift to converse and though I don't wish to be naked in front of Gainey anytime soon, I need to be in human form to talk to them.

With a low growl aimed at Gainey and then Gia, I slowly turn my form to them, giving them my back and force the shift.

Benji does the same but heads for the scrub and comes back within seconds with shorts on and a few extra pairs of shirts and shorts in his hands. He hands some to me over my shoulder and then turns to throw some over to Gia and Gainey who have shifted already.

I don't miss Gia ogling Gainey, openly appreciating his form from top to bottom, eyes lingering on one specific feature before she catches my eyes and smirks before throwing the shirt and shorts on.

Benji coughs and interrupts the awkward meeting.

"Alice, did you happen to see any wolves out here that are not from the pack?" He questions but something is off in his tone. It's very formal. And blunt. And his eyes keep shifting from Gia to me in an uncomfortable manner.

What the hell is going on?

I go with the truth though something is off about this whole scenario. I just don't know what.

"Uh, yeah actually I did. Two males. Young. But Gia would know more, seeing as though she was speaking with them for a few minutes." I say, keeping my eyes on her and enjoying the moment her eyes go wide and her expression changes from smug to busted.

She glares at me over Benjis shoulder before he  turns to face her and she quickly changes her face to one of outrage and shock. Cheeky bitch. What is she up to?

"Gia, can you tell me again what you saw?" He questions, a little less aggression in his tone, replaced now with confusion.

Her bottom lip starts to tremble. She is really acting this one up.

"I don't know what she is on about Benj. I was on a run and saw her speaking with two strange males in the scrub, it seemed like she know them, very well. She was very close to them. When they saw me, they chased me away. I was so scared. Maybe they are from her pack? I told you we couldn't trust her." She says, tears raining down her stupid lying face.

I try to stifle my anger but it's impossible when faced with such a lying little cow.

I try to force my voice to remain even.

"Benji, I swear, I didn't know them. Scent them if you like, and me. You will find their scents mixed with Gia's  just beyond the scrub line." I say, knowing full well that if he does scent them he will indeed find those three scents but he will also find mine not far off. It's not absolute proof.  But that also goes for Gia's version.

But he has to believe me. Right?

Gia ups her game. She throws herself into Gainey's unsuspecting arms. He looks shocked and completely uncomfortable as she wraps her arms around his broad waste and buries her head into his chest. Sobbing for extra affect.

Benji does as requested, but when he returns just a few minutes later as the rest of us watch, it's as I suspected. He can not decipher the exact situation for the scents. Or who was meeting with whom.

"Im not sure what to say here. They are as you described Alice, the two male scents and yours and Gia's. But without all the information, it comes down to your version versus hers. One of you met with two strangers on pack lands, for an unknown reason and without permission. It's a punisble offence." Benji says with a tone that literally screams warning to me.

Before I can speak, Gia draws our attention to her with a loud sob and my jaw ticks as I notice that Gainey now has his arms around her back. Her tiny smug smile is for me only.

She turns her face and pouts at Benji.

" Benji, the only fair thing we can do is put it to the elder board, they can review the evidence and decide if you cannot." She says meekly, weeping as she speaks and cuddling into Gaineys embrace, making the hair on my arms stand on end.

I scoff at her insult. Does she think I am that stupid? She is a conivving little bitch but she is protected here as an Alpha's daughter. I am not pack. I'll be punished or out on my ass before I know it. Unless.... Unless my status as Gainey's mate saves me.

I Couldnt use that though? Could I? I mean I was just about to....he doesn't even want to..

Gainey interrupts my thoughts as he clears his throat, attempting to subtly pull away from the clinging Gia but she is going nowhere.

Slag.

"I think Gia is right here Alpha. Let the elders decide. You are too close to this." His face scrunches up as he speaks and gives the impression that he is not happy with the scenario either. Interesting. I would have thought he would be ecstatic to hand me off to the whim of the board. Problem solved.

Gia sulks again out loud.

"Thats not exactly just Gainey. You are on the board and as she is your... Mate, apparently, that is not fair for me." She says the word mate like it is bitter on her tongue but my attention is not on her. It's is on Gainey's handsome asshole face.

He looks like the word mate tastes more than just bitter. He seems disgusted by the idea.
What he says next proves me right and hammers the last nail into the coffin of our dying crap show of a mateship.

" The fact that Alice and I are apparently mates would not save her if she were a spy and a traitor. Nothing would help that." His voice is flat. Void of any emotion. He speaks straight to Benji, never once looking in my direction. The only face full of any emotive activity is Gia's, her face lights up like an illuminated flame. Bright and warm. Beautiful but dangerous.

My heart sinks to it's lowest of depths but my anger re ignites. I can be more than just a flame. I'm the whole damn fire.

Screw this. If I'm going down, I'm going down and lighting the match. Watch me burn bitches.

Turning my back to Gainey and Gia, I lift my chin in defiance and square my shoulders. Directing my words to Benji, the aim of my words are meant soley for the two assholes behind me.

" I have nothing to hide. I am no traitor. Nor am I a coward." I say, shooting a quick glare backwards at a scowling Gia.

"I will face the elders and board and make my case. But I rely on no one. To prove it I offer this." I swallow deeply and turn away from Benji's confused face, to look into another equally as perplexed man's eyes.

"I, Alice of Hastings pack, hereby reject you Gainey, Beta of MiLuna pack, now and forever, as my mate."

Fucking mic drop.