My feet pound the underbrush of the most hidden part of the forest. Usually we don't come here, it's too dense and unforgiving. It's too easy to get lost in the abyss of damp and dull. But tonight, the added danger of the blackened cover is inviting. I push myself to the limit, one arm pumping back and forward, propelling me further into the unknown.

The other holds onto my precious bundle.

We run together like this, as silent and as brisk as possible, until the sun is well and truly set and the eery shadows of the forest come out to play. The foreboding feeling that tries to outrun me threatens to take my dwindling courage apart piece by piece, exposing me for the skeletal fraud that I am.

I'm not this brave warrior they are forcing me to be. I'm just pretending.

But I don't let the thought in.

I won't let it win.

I refuse to let the fear that has enveloped my heart since the second I left that room, take me off the path I am determined to follow.

I push myself even faster as the harsh brush underfoot begins to fade into a spattering of thin branches and logs. I cant see at all now so I am relying on my feet to tell me when the more sporadic covering begins. This means we will be close.

And then the faint sound of the water trickling seeps into the very tip of the ridge of my hearing.

The sound I have been hoping for. If I find the river, I can find the mountain range and reach the hiking trail by midnight. And the car.

My legs and my lungs burn in equal measure from the expenditure and the awkwardness of the terrain but I push myself onwards. I wrap both arms around him and run further into the black of night.

A lone howl behind me threatens to stop my momentum but it just serves as vivid reminder for my mission. My heart jumps wickedly in my chest and my pulse dances to a hectic beat in my ears but I shake my head to break the trance it has me in. There is no way he would have caught my scent, is there?

I trudge on and breathe a sigh of welcome relief as I finally reach the softened earth around the rivers edge. I slow my pace just enough to cross over using a fallen limb as a substitute bridge, clinging tight to the boy on my front as firm as possible, trying not to jostle him around too much.

Once across, I hasten my steps but keep cautious as I make my way along the moistened bank as I follow its regular path along and up into the range towards the waterfall.

As the climb begins to become more steep with each gentle step, I use the backpack as a counterweight and continue my quick pace. I know that there isnt much chance that I am being tailed but I won't even try a moments rest. I need to get to the hiking trail and to the safety of the car waiting for me.

I need to leave and find somewhere safe for us. For now.

My head jumbles with the task ahead of me. Not for one second did I imagine my life to be starting out like this. I haven't even begun to live. I haven't found my mate. I haven't had a chance to do any of the things I planned sitting under the pack oak tree with my friends, carefree and blissful.

The stabbing guilt I feel as I remember who has most sacrificed on this night serves as a dagger of a reminder. The baby seems instantly heavy on my chest, the guilt laden with him. With her insurmountable loss.

I swear here and now that I will not pity my situation ever again.

What she has done for me and her son on this night is paramount. I am alive and leaving the battle because she willed it so. I am carrying the heir to our pack, the future, on my chest and on towards hope, for us both. He is my life now. Because he has to live. For all of those who didn't tonight.

I sniffle back the tears threatening to spill and suck it up, I need to soldier on. Fuck this. It's nothing. The exhaustion and fear and anxiety clawing at my back is nothing.

We trudge onwards, Rox and I, until the peak comes into view underneath the glow of the moon herself. I wonder if she can see us, if she is assisting us tonight. My pack believes whole heartedly in the guidance of the moon goddess, she blesses us and she takes away. I have to swallow back the anger that wants to come forth, blaming her for the pain on this night.

"Please tell me you have some sort of grand plan in mind you bitch." I swear out, wiping the sweat from my brow as I come upon the peak, finally.

I pause only long enough to take in the trough before me as I make my way over the top and down to the hiking trail to start my decline over the other side of the mountain.

It's marked clearly now, with concrete steps and rails lining the way down. I hold onto the side rail for dear life as I take the steps two at a time. I feel like the hours are passing ever so slowly but the moon is high enough for that to be untrue.

I expect to come to the base level where the car park and entrance to the parklands are in about forty five minutes at this pace.

I reach it in forty and mentally high five myself. I stop at the bottom of the stairs, overlooking the ravine and the parklands below. It's a popular hiking trail with forest enthusiasts and wolves alike. The odd human who gets a glimpse of the "national park wolves" makes headlines now and then and we all chuckle at the inside joke.

No one is chuckling tonight. The only wolves around now will kill anyone on site. Human or other. That thought alone makes me shudder as I shake off the backpack carefully and place it down.

I peel back the blanket a little and check on Rox. The whole time I have been moving he has been sleeping soundly. Luckily, because we had no time to pause.

I make sure to wrap him back up again, tucking his little beanie over his ears and then focus my attention on the backpack. I fumble around in the front pocket under the dim fluorescent glow of one of the car park lights.

I find the small flash light I was searching for and open up the main section of the pack, rooting around with my fingers until I feel the item in question.

The notebook.

I take it out carefully, tracing over the crest on the front of the bound leather book. The round moon behind the howling wolf and the river at its feet. Highmoon pack was once a proud and strong pack. Known for our skills on the battlefield. We had plenty of allies and friends alike from packs all around this great country.

But after the rumbling began and we caught sound of a rogue pack plundering pack after pack, our strength and support was called in to play. Warrior after warrior fell as our men and women went to fight for other packs. As we have always done. Until the day barely any came home and we could no longer pledge anymore to other packs because we knew that soon, we would be under attack too.

The Demon Alpha took what he wanted, pack after pack, wolf after wolf. He used the women to breed more for his numbers. He took each Luna as his prize and claimed all offspring as his own right.

The whispers of his power and bloodshed spread far and wide and suddenly it was on the doorstep of our pack. Crestfall, our closest ally called for our assistance but our Alpha could not help without leaving us open and weakened.

In the end, it did not matter. The Demon Alpha came and he took anyway.

The strangest part of it all, was that once he had over taken packs he would stay only for a few months and then move on, taking the Luna currently carrying his child  and any female pregnant to his pack members with him until the heir was born and the Luna was no longer needed. Sometimes he left them to live, sent them back to their pack without the children.
He had what he wanted, the packs were discarded like trash, what was left of them. Most members dispersed and sought refuge else where.

Those women who refused to leave the children risked paying  with their life.

I don't know what he wants with our small pack. We don't have much in terms of wealth, just the land and deeds of the houses on the grounds and a few local businesses that supported our pack.

Some say he is searching for nothing in particular, just seeking to boost his numbers, create more of his bloodline with pure Luna and Alpha blood. but to this day, we have no clue what it truly is that he wants. And it seems nothing is off the cards in terms of what he will do to packs that stand in his way.

As I flick open the book, I come across the familiar fluid script of my best friend. The emotion swirl up inside of me like a volcanic eruption and I have to force myself to take deep installations of breath to stop from exploding with sadness.

I trace my fingers over the writing and read her words;

My dearest A and R,

By now you have reached the car park and I'm so proud of you. I knew you could do this.
There is an unmarked black SUV in the car park waiting for you. It's registered to a foreign name and business. The keys are taped to the back of this book. You will find a credit card and cash in the glove box. The card is in your name and was opened at a bank out of town, not linked to the pack. The money is from off shore accounts. It's enough to keep you both safe and well for at least a few years.
Take the car and drive as far as you can. I would suggest going north, the far northern packs are not involved with the rogue issues we have had, or at least, it hasn't reached their shores yet. So if you come across them and you decide to join another pack, Or you are forced to take refuge there, I would start with looking in to them.

Tell no one who you or R are really. And tell no one who he is to me, to the pack.

This is imperative.

No one must know who he is. Or this will all be for nothing.

I hope that we survive this. I swear one day, we will
find each other again.

Until then, I love you both.

Tell my boy about me.

I love him more than anything in this world, even my own life.

Thank you for taking my heart with you,

Your friend and Luna xx

I flip the cover of the book closed and hold it to my heart. Taking a steadying breath, I rip the written pages out and fish the lighter out of my pack. With a silent prayer to the moon, I light her beautiful words up and watch as they turn to ash, mixing with my tears as they fall to the ground together.

I turn the book to the last page and find a car key and remote taped to the leather backing. I take them off and press the lock, a beeping sound and a flash of light reward my effort.

As I put the book back into the pack carefully and swing it onto my back once more, I make my way down the final steps towards the car parked waiting for us.

I unload the pack into the front seat and remove my jacket. Opening the back seat I can see they have already installed a baby seat for Rox and I sigh in relief as I am able to remove his soft little body weight from the carrier and secure him safely in the seat. I tuck the blanket around him and make sure he is warm. He is settled but he starts to whine and I know he will need to feed again soon so I need to get out of here and find a safe spot to stop.

I quickly check the trunk for anything else she may have planned and find it full of suitcases, baby supplies and food and drinks. Enough of everything to last for a few weeks at least.

My heart pounds. How did she do all this?
She is so organised. It pains me that she had to think this far ahead, knowing that doing this would mean separating her from her own little baby.

I close the trunk and lock away my grief inside.
I slide into the drivers seat and turn on the car, checking over my shoulder and giving the sleeping baby one more look before I push the car into reverse and start our journey out of the mountain park, away from our home and all the people that know us.

I drive into the dark with Rox sleeping soundly in the back as I let the tears fall freely. Tears for my mom, dad and the pack. Tears for our Alpha. Tears for the life that we all knew together that can never be repaired. Tears for my life, that I didn't even get to start to live.

And mostly, tears for the mother out there in the night, scared and alone and wanting something she can't have. Putting all of her hopes on me and the future I have riding in the back seat.

I will not let this be in vain.