I wake to Rox stirring in the wee morning hours and find myself in bed. Alone.

My face is wet and puffy from tears.

Gainey's potent aroma still lingers all around me, blanketing the fabric of the couch and settling on my body like a second skin.

Or a scab.

Autopilot takes me to the kitchen, eyes half closed and feet dragging, as I begin to prepare a bottle like its second nature to me now. I guess it is.
As I wait for the milk to to be at temperature, I try to make some semblance of sense around all that occurred in this apartment last night.

It's all so unexpected. So confusing, so tragic, Much too impossible and far too deep to decipher with my mind half asleep and void of caffeine.

For such a sizeable wolf, there is no trace of Gainey in the tiny living space, save for the small speck of lingering scent that has remained alive in minute particles in the air. Its like he was never really here.

As the bottle finally reaches the desired level, I attach the top and grab a clean burp cloth off the tower of laundry still waiting to be folded and make my way down the hall to my pup.

That thought stops me immediately in my tracks. It's the first time I have thought of him as mine and as my feet take me towards him once more, like a beacon of guiding light, I feel a twist of two emotions take root in my body. Guilt and joy. Equal amounts of each weave round my heart as I reach into the bassinet and take his warm little form into my arms.

He is mine but he shouldn't be and it both warms and breaks my heart simultaneously. And man do I need it right now.
And now i have the added burden of Gainey knowing part of our hidden truth, the importance of it remaining intimately covert is even more crucial.

He is a distraction I was not prepared for. I begin to let my mind wander and replay the events of last night as I sit and let Rox feed and snuggle with me in the warmth of my bed.

Gainey's glorious mouth asking me to live a half life. Not rejecting me as I he presumed he would. The memory stirs up all of the too-fresh emotions.
I need to think of my next move.

Do we stay or go? Does Gainey intend to expose the truth about Rox? Or will he at least honour that promise?
But where does that leave us? What do I even want?
? What about the slutty she wolf back at the pack? Could I stand to see him with her? Or any other nasty bitch about? Will I get to throat punch the smug grin off her face?

I'm still struggling to contain the warmth the latter questions gives me when I hear a faint knock at the front door.

A glimpse out the window tells me it's just barely sunrise and my heart begins to pound.

Who would be visiting at this hour?
As if my thoughts are bared, a voice coaxes gently from the outside hallway;

"It's just me honey, I come baring a hug. And coffee."

The second part of the statement has me up and heading to the door with new round urgency. I pull the latch with one hand and find a meek looking Ellena on the other side, coffee cups in a tray in one hand and a paper bag that smells like heaven in the other.

"If you think that pastry and coffee is going to be a sufficient bribe for the shit show you dragged me into, you better have more than one." I say and her sheepish grin tells me I'm right.

I flick the latch and allow her entry as I make my way awkwardly to the couch and settle back to feeding again.

Ellena closes the door behind her before traipsing silently into the kitchen and pulling out a couple of plates. There is caution in the way that she moves, keeping a subtle eye on me as she does. I myself watch with bated breath and most likely multiple strings of drool as she plates up piles of golden delicious pastry and then makes her way over to join me in the den.

Taking a tentative seat close to me but on the opposite corner of the couch, I watch stealthily with side eye as she takes a few steadying breaths before shifting her eyes to focus on me.

"Honey, about yesterday, well, there are not enough ways for me to apologise." She begins earnestly and any hardness left in me cracks as I see the raw honesty in her expression.

Before she can begin again, I hold my hand up for her to stop. I need her to hear me.

"None of what happened is your fault Ellena, nor do I hold blame on you for any of it." I say warmly, needing her to know what I said is true.

A small thankful smile bends her lips but I can see she is still wanting to say more so I nod for her to continue.

"Alice, I just don't even know what to say. First my own daughter treats you so horribly and then unbelievably, you meet your mate but that too goes completely pear shaped. I could just slap that horrible female from here to eternity for how she behaved. And don't even get me started on Gainey. I may love him like another son but how he is handling this, not accepting you and not rejecting you, it's just unforgivable." She says, shaking her head whilst her hands bunch up into fists at her side, causing me concern for the welfare of the barely- there fabric on the couch.

So, she knows . I assume Benji does too. Saves me the embarrassment of telling them.  But what else does she know?

"Thank you, but again, not your fault at all." I begin, taking a quick sip of my coffee for bravery before I continue speaking.

Ellena's face is still only expressing signs of being perplexed. I can almost hear her thoughts spinning in her head like a broken record, She takes a long sip of her own beverage before she tackles what ever question she has forming in her busy hive of a mind.

"I don't understand how he could be anything other than thrilled about this so called predicament. I mean, he finally met his destined mate. And it's you! And to add to that monumental gift, as if it's not enough, he gets Rox too. We get to keep you.
I mean if that's not perfection, I truly do not know what is." She rambles out, shaking her head for good measure and darting her eyes between Rox and myself.

If I did not already adore this woman, I would have been completely sold on her now. She believes that Rox and I are an even better package for Gainey than just meeting his mate. Now he gets a ready made family. And the pack gets a future male member.

I move to set Rox up on his makeshift play mat by the window. His little round face lights up as he watches the blur of colours the morning makes.

I take a deep breath and make my way back to couch and take a seat next to Ellena.
Placing my hand on her knee, I take my time, trying to think up the best way to explain this, without telling her the truth about Rox.

Before I even get a chance to begin, she beats me to it;

"If you are worried it's because the pup isn't your blood, then that shouldn't be a problem. Neither of my two sons are my blood, but they beat within my very own heart anyway." She says pointedly, placing her hand over mine.

I blink once. And then again, my mouth opens and closes like a fish out of water before I can finally find the words that were sucked out with all of the air from the room.

She knows. She knows he isn't mine. But how? Did Gainey tell her? He doesn't seem the type to blab but then again I barely know anything about him.

As if she can sense my inner turmoil she pays my hand and says;

"Alice, I knew they day you arrived that he was not your blood. It's the Longridge in me, it's never failed me yet." She says with a sweet smile, only comfort in her words, no judgement.

My eyes begin to water and then the tears start to fall. I feel like a damn that has been waiting to reach breaking point, pressure pushing and shoving against the barrier until it's too much. It's too heavy. Something has to give and now is that time for me. And it's about to be a huge mothetfucking breach.

"How... I mean... why didn't you say anything? Surely you must have questions? Why did you even let me stay?" I blurt out, still trying to come terms with the fact that she has known, all along, that Rox is not biologically mine. And also, that she has Longridge in her. Curious and more curious.
Still holding my hand and squeezing tight, she leans in and places one hand on my shoulder;

" Because it wasn't my place to ask until I knew you were ready to tell. And I trust you. I can tell you are not the type of person to knowingly bring trouble to the pack." She says sweetly and my heart sinks. It literally sinks into the empty pit that was housing my soul.

Fuck. She has no clue. I did put them in danger. On purpose. I knew the risk but I stayed anyway.

Taking both her hands into mine, I attempt to blink away the tears so that I can look right at her when I say this, because it may be the last time I get to look at this wonderful, kind hearted, amazing woman in the eye.

"But that's where you are wrong." I admit softly and try my hardest to look at her face so I can see the very moment when any admiration she holds for me turns quickly to disappointment.

But it doesn't. Her look remains the same. Tender. Concerned but kind. Open.

I don't understand.

Shaking her head she cups my face with her hands and says;

"Why don't you start from the beginning and we will see what we can do. And let me worry about that Gainey ok? He is a good wolf Alice, a didn't yes, but a good wolf ."

And here come the tears.