Rosy

I sit up in the chair where I can look out the window, I feel nauseous and my heart beats rapidly. The faint sounds of running water stop and I hear the slight scrape of the shower stall door opening. I rest my head back against the back of the chair and close my eyes, I swallow nervously.

Maybe they believe third time lucky?

I can feel the burn of tears behind my eyes as I wrap my arms around my lower ribs and grasp my t-shirt at my sides tightly. The screen door opens with a familiar squeak and I clearly hear footsteps. I turn my head towards the door but it's only Micah, hair still damp from the shower and dressed in low riding denim jeans.

"I thought you would have that top on by now," Micah says as he approaches me. I stubbornly tighten my grasp of the shirt I wear and look away from him, I hear the sob growl of annoyance that comes from him and turn my head to eye him from the corner of one eye as I curl my top lip up at him.

"We explained it to you," Micah says calmly. "Jazzy's scent on the top will help soothe Kali when you hold her. Jazzy has been wearing one of your jackets so Kali gets used to your scent."

I turn my head away angrily. Now I knew. I had been unable to sleep last night, an uneasy feeling had kept prickling me and it had not been until the still, small hours of the morning that I had heard the faint distant crying of a newborn. Some deep instinct had told my inner cat who had been crying. I had cried into my own pillow as agony tore at my heart.

I hear the screen door and the sounds of footsteps in the hallway. I sense more than see Micah pick up the top from the bed and approach my chair. One of his hands grasps my left wrist and I give a low warning growl. Micah ignores my warning and tries to move my arm, when he finds it impossible he settles for tucking the shirt over my clothing and between my arms and body to hold it in place. I fall silent as I sense movement in the doorway, I turn my head and I feel my heart start racing as Doc walks in followed closely by Mitchell and Jazzy. Bile rises in the back of my throat and for a moment I think I am going to be physically sick.

"Good morning Rosy," Doc says approaching me. I don't take my eyes from the tiny bundle Jazzy holds, my throat tightens as I see the shiny black curls that belong to my daughter. Jazzy approaches slowly, she eases Kali away from her body and small arms wave in the air frantically as a high pitched desperate cry comes from the small form.

Jazzy meets my eyes and she gives me a teary smile with trembling lips. Our eye contact only lasts a second but a wealth of information is in her eyes. Silently she is begging my forgiveness for what she has done. Jazzy doesn't regret saving my daughter but she does regret the estrangement between mother and child.

Do it!

I feel the growl of pain and anger boil up from deep inside me and I move my hands to grasp the arms of the recliner I sit in. My focus does not leave Jazzy but I am aware of the others moving uneasily.

"Get ... them ... out ... of ... here ...NOW!" I roar the last word as I lean my weight forward ready to get to my feet.

"Rosy ..." Both Micah and Mitchell speak in unison, their voices laced with authority but I drown them out with a roar of rage.

"You want me to murder them both is that it!" I demand tightly. "Or are you just trying to drive me insane?" I hiss the last word out angrily.

"Rosy ..." Micah starts but I cut him off with a growl as I push to my feet. Jazzy takes several very sensible steps backward with a defensive hiss while the three toms move to stand between us.

"I WILL NOT HAND MY KITT BACK TO ANOTHER MOTHER AGAIN!" I yell in outrage. Really! They were asking too much of me, of any mother! "It'd be pretty bloody ungrateful of me when I RIP HER THROAT OUT when she takes MY KITT to feed it! We all know I can't feed the little thing but I'll be damned before I hand her back to ANYONE!" I scream at them.

"YOU WILL NOT THREATEN MY WIFE!" Mitchell yells in my face and I feel the rush as my inner cat pushes to the front. I flex the claws on all four of my paws as I throw my head up and roar my anger at him. I leap forward pushing between two of them before they realise my intent. In that split second before they react I pause to sniff towards the blanket wrapped bundle Jazzy holds protectively to her chest. Her eyes meet mine levelly and she mouths the words, I'm sorry. I turn and dash from the room, from the building.

I feel the cool spring of grass beneath my paws and slow to a trot as I head for the tree line. Behind me I can hear shouting and yelling but I pay no heed as I slow to a steady walk, swishing my tail in the pleasure of loosing all my troubles to my cat. Bright pinpoint flashes of coloured lights plague my sight and I lower my head with a shake as I close my eyes and snort in an attempt to dispel the phenomenon. I swivel my ears and look around the clearing. The buildings are more distant than the tree line but I spare one longing glance for the Morton Bay Figtree with it's big thick limbs so comfortable and convenient for resting in.

I am nearly at the tree line when Micah joins me in cat form. He is large and his coat shines inky black with health, I pause to lick an itchy spot on my front leg and note the deep coppery hues along with the black that gives me my mottled patterning. Micah steps close and I lift my head to watch him, he approaches cautiously and I can't help myself as I gaze into his eyes. I still for a moment, those eyes ... I feel like I am lost in their depths even while they are my lifeline. I know every fleck of colour, every striation. I feel the subtle shift, the pull they have on my very soul. The call of my mountain is dim compared to the need to be with him.

Micah is close, he sniffs near my mouth smelling my breath. I nuzzle close, rubbing the side of my face against his for a second or two before wheeling away to head for the tree line at a slow trot. Micah falls into step beside me and I move so I travel with my head level with his front shoulders. He stops not far into the trees but I walk past him, pause to glance back at him then head further into the friendly shadows. Now and then I pause as I look around searching for something I can't name. Some forgotten memory guides my paws as I take my time going ever deeper into the trees, I only know I can not go back where that kitt is. Not yet, not for a good while.

I stretch out in a mottled patch of sunshine, I am tired from my recent illness and the extended period of time I had not changed to my cat form. I lie on my side and close my eyes sleepily, I am aware of Micah near by and swish my tail lazily when he settles beside me and begins to groom my shoulder. The soft song of the near by stream is soothing and Micah's attentions feeds a need buried deep within me. I doze intermittently waking to open my eyes and check Micah is still here. It is starting to settle into that strange time just before sun down when I wake fully and sit up, Micah is instantly on his feet encouraging me to get up and follow him but I growl in annoyance when I realise he is trying to lead me back to the buildings.

I go to the stream to lap cool clear water and Micah is nearly frantic when instead of following him or allowing him to guide me I turn in the direction I want to go. Micah is so insistent I deliver several firm slaps around his ears before he backs off and watches me worriedly. I lower my head and sway from side to side as I narrow my eyes and try to remember the half forgotten dream.

Clean dry sand, a cosy dark space, the smell of wattle blossoms. I lift my head and look around uncertainly. I haven't been here before. I haven't been in cat form since the day Justin had driven up the driveway to the building that had seemed so familiar. I walk along the bank of the stream, I don't want to go far from my supply of water. Micah is calling constantly but I continue with more confidence as I see several large wattle trees and a bush lemon tree amid some lantana bushes. I sniff around the perimeter curiously and purr in satisfaction as I find a small pathway into the midst of the tangle.

A large tree stands in the middle, the centre of the old tree is hollow and I creep in cautiously sniffing as I go. The ground is covered with fallen leaves and several old lemons that I scratch outside, the leaves make a comfortable bed and I curl up comfortably. Micah is calling me and I answer him but remain in my new den even when he begs for me to follow him. Night has fallen before he is silent and I have nearly went back to sleep when I hear his soft call near my hidden den. I raise my head and tilt it to the side, there is something about his call. Cautiously I creep out and halt with only my head and shoulders out of the hide.

Micah stands not far away and calls enticingly, I eye him uncertainly for a few moments until he lowers his head until his nose nearly touches the ground. I eye the three rabbits in front of him and creep out into the open with my stomach close to the ground. I snatch one and remain right in front of him as I begin to eat it brazenly. The fur comes off easily and I crunch bones as I chew hungrily, a second fat rabbit follows the same way as the first before I begin the third rabbit in a more leisurely fashion. I eat about half before nosing the rest towards Micah, he hesitates so I begin cleaning my muzzle and paws. I lift my head to watch as he eats the food I had offered to share with him. He licks his jaws and follows me over to the stream to drink.

The cool water tastes good after my meal and I turn to rub against Micah's side, he lifts his dripping muzzle and I dash off to play in the near by dry leaves. I glance up to find him watching me with interest before I skitter past him batting leaves with my front paws as I go. I retreat to my den and curl up to sleep, Micah creeps in to watch me from just outside the hollow tree and I lift my head for a moment before settling down once more. Morning finds two toms curled up outside my hidden den, I pause and watch as they get to their feet stretching before approaching to greet me but I bound away on the outlook for prey.

My days fall into a pattern, I wake up, hunt my own breakfast then rest until Micah turn up just before midday. Before he leaves just before sunset he hunts bringing me back more than enough fresh kills to fill my belly and make me lazy and sleepy. Over several days he begins to join in and play when I chase fallen leaves and bat them around with my front paws. Daily he grooms every inch of me and I become aware of my coat becoming smooth and shiny with good health. I begin to hunt with him as my stamina returns and I become stronger. Each night I watch the reflection of the moon getting riper and riper on the surface of the stream.

I wake with the first notes the birds sing, get to my feet and leave my den. The two toms that are here this morning get to their feet and approach to greet me but I feel the fur on my shoulders and neck rise as I lay back my ears and growl at them. They retreat and watch from a distance as I walk down to the stream and drink thirstily, I lift my head and listen intently before turning away from the stream. I eye the birds that flit around in the trees and press my ears back in irritation at their cheerful songs. I head for the area I remember hearing a lot of frogs and mice the last few days, I pause and listen to the slight rustle of small bodies before snorting and looking around. I glance up at the sky, note a wisp of cloud in the morning sky before turning and trotting in the direction wanted with a determined growl.

I slow to a walk before I reach the tree line around the buildings, every few paces I toss my head up and call loudly as I walk boldly forward. I am dimly aware of the toms moving out wider from me as they shadow my movements. I reach the tree line and tremble with excitement as I come to a halt and survey the buildings ahead. There is no discernable activity but this doesn't stop me as I step forward and call loudly, I leap and bat at a clump of dry grass and several calls answer mine.

I head towards the buildings, my call brings more answering roars and I pause as a black form streaks out of a building and heads towards me at a fast trot. I begin calling continuously and come to a stop when the large black tom gets close to me. I am aware of two others heading my way , I extend my nose to sniff him as he tries to crowd close. I give a shriek and descend on Steven bashing him around the ears in fury. He backs off a little under my storm of blows and stands watching me as he trembles in excitement. Suddenly another tom is there, he slams into Steven and knocks him off his feet. Snarls fill the air and fur flies as they fight. I jump in landing my own strikes on Steven who quickly backs off.

Beside me Micah growls threateningly and I duck under his chin rubbing against his chest. Micah lowers his head and chuffs loudly, I turn around and rub my other side against his chest before moving to crouch on the ground in front of him. I snarl then yowl as Micah takes my victory offering and mounts me eagerly. I cock my tail to the side as he serves me roughly. I twist away and roll onto my back wriggling as Micah stands over me and roars his victory, I present to him again and he mounts me taking his time with a longer service.

I follow Micah willingly as he leads the way towards the buildings, I trot eagerly at his side even pressing against him every few steps. I follow him into a brick building and don't hesitate as he comes to a large cage, I go in and begin my change to human form. I get up off my hands and knees and close the door of the cage making it click locked as Micah begins his transformation. I sit on the edge of the wide bunk bed and watch him with interest as he changes back to his human form. When he is finally human he stands up and looks at me slightly uncertainly, suddenly self-conscious I pull the folded blanket to me and wrap it around myself.

"Jazzy or Sasha should be here shortly," Micah says a touch uncertainly. I nod and make a slight noise in my throat as I look around the cage to avoid looking at him. I hear him moving around, a few moments later he puts some folded sheets on the bunk and reaches for the only pillow. I watch as he pulls a pillowcase on it before handing it to me. I get to my feet and stand by the bars as he begins to put the sheets on the bed.

"How are the boys?" I ask.

"They're good," Micah says. "They crawl all over me looking for your scent each evening before they let me have a shower."

"How is ... how is ... the baby," I stumble over the words. I need to know but I don't want to ask. Don't want to say the words.

"Kali is nearly seven weeks old now," Micah says tonelessly. "You've been out there over a month,"

We both fall silent, I am unsure of what I can say to him. The pain of having a kitt I cannot hold, cannot feed is still too raw, still too painful. We are saved from further silence by the arrival of Lydia and Sasha. Sasha is carrying a large esky and Lydia unlocks the gate so the esky can be put inside while she pulls a cloth wrapped small item from a pocket in her old-fashioned apron.

"Aaron said you need to use this so Rosy's body has a chance to fully recover before ..." Her voice trails off and I look down at my hands. We'd had such plans.

"Yeah we had discussed the possibility of this," Micah said quietly as he reached for the syringe. I hold still as Micah quickly injected me in the upper arm. I can dimly remember Doc talking about contraceptives, about the choices couples have during a heat.

"One of us will be by each morning and afternoon to check if you need anything," Lydia said quietly. I hear the gate click locked, the soft hum of the air conditioner as it is turned on and the click of the door being closed as Lydia and Sasha left.

"Can I have something to eat?" I ask with a glance towards the esky.

"Yeah sure," Micah said and carried the esky to where I sat. He opened it and I looked at the containers of rich food as he moved the lid aside. I reached for a container of sliced ham, opened it and began eating. Micah reached in as well and I gave a mock growl as I leant into his body and gave him a slight push, he looked at me with a raised eyebrow and I felt the grin that slowly crept onto my face.