-• the orphanage •-

As I'm being dragged to the car from the death scene, sirens penetrate the constant whispers and murmurs that pollute the air. Arush nudges me in the car, his height blocking my sight. But I get a glimpse of the dead before he slams the door close on my face and taps the hood for my bodyguard to start the car.

The bloodied scene remains in my memory, head burst open, bloodshot eyes staring into the void, lifeless and cold. I feel a shiver lick down my spine. All the horror, action and thriller movies I've watched fell short on preparing me for the grim reality of something like this.

I had a blissful, empty confidence that I've already seen death, so it won't really faze me. But it diminished the moment life showed me the harsh reality. It takes my mind back to the day I first saw Vivaan on the hospital terrace. To think he would have ended up the same as this young girl, cracked open, with twisted limbs and hopeless eyes. I shake my head, driving out the ominous thoughts.

My eyes shift to the rear view mirror and I notice two black Mercedes following us. It must be the twins.

I sigh and look out of the window, wanting to close my eyes against the exhaustion and dimming sky, but afraid to do so. What if I see her?

Honestly, I used to think giving up on life is easier. But when I chose to suffer through my mother's illness even when it was draining me of energy, when I chose to watch her being lowered into the grave knowing I've no family left and I'm now an orphan, was still not enough for me to even think of ending my life.

And that made me realise, giving up is the hardest part of living.

Imagine the helplessness one must feel that pushed them to take that final step forward. We thrive on hope, the hope of a better tomorrow, and despite having nothing to look forward to, I did not lose my hope. Because I trusted myself. I can't imagine what it feels to not believe yourself, believe your perseverance, believe that if you hold on a little longer, maybe one day it'll be in the past.

Was living that hard for her that she chose to die?

What made her think death would end it all?

How much did she suffer? What was eating her at inside? Who cut off her wings? Who made her feel so hopeless that she found hope in death?

I don't even realise we've reached until the bodyguard makes me.

My gaze refocus and I notice the car has stopped. Weird, I've been looking outside window all this time, yet I did not realise we're already home.

"Thank you," I whisper and undo my belt, grabbing my backpack from the backseat before I step out of the car.

He pulls the car off the porch, emptying the spot for the following Mercedes. Arush steps out, and behind him, Ayush's car stops. We three make our way inside the palace together.

"Who was she?" I ask them as we ascend the stairs.

Arush shrugs.

"She was not from our school." Ayush answers.

For some reason, I feel a little relieved. At least it wasn't someone I've seen or possibly talked to before. "Are we not talking about this to anyone?" I ask them.

"Talk about what?" Yuvaan stands at the top of the staircase, his eyes fixed on us, apparent confusion and curiousity shining in them.

I glance at the twins, worried I opened a door than cannot be closed again. They look at me in annoyance, and I lower my head sheepishly.

"Well, what is it?" Yuvaan strolls downstairs until he's right in front of me.

"I'm tired. I'll see you guys during dinner." Arush says, ignoring Yuvaan as he casually walks past the older man.

"Brat," I hear Yuvaan mutter under his breath, dark eyes lingering on his less favoured twin in a condescending manner. "Anyway, what were you guys talking about?" He looks down at us, free for a possible interrogation.

"Someone committed suicide at the school today," Ayush reveals.

I see Yuvaan's eyes go wide. "What!?"

We both nod in response.

"Let's go to my room. We'll talk there." He beckons us. I follow, almost forgetting the context behind the invitation at the thought of meeting Perry. Yes, he's a rude little thing, acting like we're all antagonists of his master's life, but he's also too freaking cute to be ignored and therefore, his attitude is tolerable.

Perry comes bounding out of the door hearing Yuvaan's footsteps. His tail wagging happily side to side, tongue flapping out of his mouth, and legs barely able to control the inner excitement as they constantly stomp on the floor.

Yuvaan gives his fur a ruffle, after which the dog turns to his second favourite in the house. Which is, of course, Ayush. I don't think I even come last in the list from the way he royally ignores me and struts back inside the room with his two favourite humans on either side.

"Tara?" Ayush calls out to me when I don't move.

I nod and follow them inside.

"Candies?" Yuvaan offers and before we can answer, plastic wrapped candies are thrown in our lap. I pick it, undoing the wrap and tossing the hard candy in my mouth. My lips automatically smack together at the tangy taste.

"What taste is this?"

"Uhm, unripened mango?" Ayush answers hesitantly.

"It doesn't taste anything like unripened mango," I deadpan.

"Exactly." Yuvaan nods, putting one in his mouth. "If it tasted like unripened mango, no one would buy it."

"I've tried unripened mangoes before. They're not that bad." I swirl the candy inside my mouth.

"But they're not this good either," he shows me the wrapper before throwing it in the dustbin. I shrug. "Alright, tell me what happened?"

"We don't know the whole thing. Like who she was, her name, or if she went to the same school as us. We were on our way to the parking lot when Arush and Tara got into a silly argument. Then out of the blue he screamed her name and yanked her out of the way just as that girl jumped from the terrace."

He nods, musing in his own thoughts. "So a regular suicide case?"

"Sounds like it." Ayush replies.

He hums. "Fine, I guess there was nothing to talk about to begin with. Why act so sceptical then?"

Ayush and I glance at each other. "It was still shocking to us. And we still have no idea about the whole thing. We're just guessing it was suicide." He answers on our behalf. I nod along to his answer.

Yuvaan nods. "Alright, you must be exhausted from the day's events. Go get some rest." He permits.

We quickly stand up from the couch.

"Not you, Tara, you stay." Yuvaan says.

Immediately, his dog barks, as though coexisting in the same space as me is causing him a great tragedy.

I grimace at him.

Feelings mutual, bitch.

Ayush leaves the room, demolishing the bridge that had formed between me and Yuvaan because of him. I sit down on the couch reluctantly, watching as Perry walks to the door and pushes it close with his front legs.

"Go to the art room, Perry."

The golden retriever obeys quickly. Now it's only us bounded by this very overbearing, awkward silence. I take my time assessing every feature of his bedroom. It suits his artistic soul. It isn't fabricated to appear princely, doesn't have any superficial shiny interior, it is simple and beautiful. But the grey tones stand as a contrast to his colorful art room. As though the connecting door opens to a completely different world of his, his very own Narnia.

"Tara," Hearing my name, I turn my head to look at him.

"Yeah?" I'm compelled to probe since he quietens down almost immediately, as if suddenly self conscious.

He clears his throat and stands straight, then leans back again against the chest of drawers, his hands curling around the edge. I give him my entire attention, my hands clasped between my closed knees, eyes peering up at him curiously. "I know, uhm," he licks his lips, eyes unable to straying often. I tilt my head to the side, hoping my patience encourages him. He finally sighs and makes a move to stare into my eyes. "I know there are a thousand differences between me and Agastya. And I'm also aware that you like him more than you like me. If you even like me at all."

"I do. You're my brother."

His knuckles around the edge of the drawer considerably loosen. "Look, Tara, I won't say I don't want to make things better between us. At the end of the day, we're brothers, and if he needs me, I'll always stand by his side without asking a question. But that's not all a relationship is about. I know I say you don't know anything, indirectly telling you to mind your own business since you have no idea of our past, but I also know it's wrong of me to hope every misdeed of mine is justified in your eyes even though I give you no explanation. I was being unreasonable and I admit that." He crosses his arms on his chest. "But Tara, problems exist between me and Agastya. Not us."

I nod softly.

"And- and there are days when Agastya and I joke around without thinking about the past, when I taunt him and he makes a playful remark in return, that's us pretending everything's normal between us although we've several issues unsolved. Because some way or the other, we do long for each other. But it's not that easy." He shakes his head. "All I'm trying to say is, whenever we get into an argument, if I'm wrong, you can go tend to his injuries. I'm absolutely fine with that. I understand you like him more than me. But don't ignore me the next day. I don't want you to create a distance between us and then burn the bridge down so we're never able to cross it. I don't want you to become another Agastya in my life."

"Alright," I agree.

"Alright?" He repeats, not believing I understood that easily. "You sure?"

"Yeah, I don't want to choose sides either." I nod.

He sighs in relief. "Great, thanks. And uhm, sorry about that night. It was wrong of me to bring it up. I promised you to keep my mouth shut and yet, I used it to threaten you."

"That was wrong," I squint my eyes at him.

He chuckles. "I know."

"I'm planning to tell the truth to him."

"You are?" He appears surprised.

"Not right away. I want to be prepared first. Maybe during the vacation?" I shrug.

"That sounds like a great idea. He won't be able to ignore you since Bhai will put him in charge of the responsibility of you three." Yuvaan mumbles.

"Fine then, I need to-" the door opens and Ayush barges in, huffing through his mouth.

"What's wrong? Did you come running here?" I get up from the couch.

He walks in and turns on the television, switching to the news channel.

"A 17-year-old girl, allegedly battling depression, died by suicide this evening after she jumped from her school terrace at 4:00 PM. In a note that she left behind, the name that came forward was of the orphanage sponsoring her living. The note read only two lines," the news reporter switches to a softer tone, "I can't do this anymore, Sunrise Orphan Home. I give up."

I feel chills run down my body hearing that. My eyes move toward Ayush as he glances at me before looking at Yuvaan. I follow his gaze and find our older brother fishing out his phone to call someone.

"Did you see the news?" I'm guessing it's Yuvraaj on the other side. "You should." He says after a pause. "It's related to the Orphanage." He adds softly, probably waiting until the person on the other side gets the gist of the situation. "Are you directly heading to the Rajawat Estate?" He asks curiously. "Well, I thought you would. Alright, let's talk about this over dinner." He nods. "Hmm, bye." He hangs up and stows away the phone in his pocket.

"Is this the same orphanage Yuvraaj Bhai was talking about once at the dinner?" I muster up the courage to ask him.

Yuvaan nods, his attention somewhere else.

"How come every bad thing ends up centering the Rajawats?" I glance between my brothers.

Ayush shrugs. "What else the root of evil will attract if not evil itself?"

I shake my head in disbelief.

"Tara!" I spin around on my heels, sighing softly when I find a worried looking Agastya at the threshold of the room.

"I'm fine," I walk up to him. "Someone else died. Not me."

"Shut up," he grunts, pulling me for a hug. "Arush told me you were a second away from getting crushed beneath that girl. Don't you watch around when you're walking?" He pulls away to scold.

"Well, I do. But I didn't know that included watching up as well." I retort.

He rolls his eyes before his attention is stolen by the news on the television. "Is it the same news?" He asks Ayush.

"Yeah, and unsurprisingly, it's related to Sunrise Orphan Home." He adds as a taunt.

I hear Agastya sigh in annoyance. "Troubles from their end never stop." He clicks his tongue and walks inside. I stay at the threshold, leaning against the doorjamb. The entire room is filled with protective testosterones. I'd rather stay here.

"Did you come directly from the field?" Yuvaan asks him.

He spares the other a glance and answers with a nod. The air between them awkward. What can be worse than being awkward with your own sibling? I exhale sharply.

"Why are you guys gathered here?" I flinch in surprise, then relax inhaling Vivaan's scent. My arms automatically go around his waist.

"You're early today."

He nods, entering the room and bringing me along with him. "I had to get one file from my room. On my way out, I saw you at the doorstep. By the way, what's happening here?" He demands looking around the room.

Ayush jabs his thumb in the direction of the television.

Vivaan quickly shifts his attention to the screen and by the end of it, a tired breath leaves his mouth. "Fuck."

"Why are we losing our calm over this? Isn't this their problem?" I ask, evidently confused. I don't understand why it's affecting us so much when we're not even directly related to this.

"Because Bhai is going to have to clean up after this mess." Vivaan grits out.

"What? Why?"

"It'll be a great opportunity for the Chairman to test his loyalty after what happened with Saxena." Yuvaan shrugs.

"What's there to clean though? I thought it's an open and shut case." I question.

"If only things were that easy," I hear Agastya whisper under his breath.

"Are you guys insinuating this is not a simple suicide?" I ask further. "Is it abetted or is it a murder?"

"Let's not be so curious," Vivaan regards me with a warning look. I bite my lower lip sheepishly, nodding in submission. "Bhai will handle it."

"Ugh, he's going to be in a worse mood for the next few days." Ayush rakes a frustrated hand through his hair and sits down on the couch in defeat.

"Don't bring up the vacation thing, Short stuff." Agastya advises me.

I stop myself from whining like a kid. Really, this is how it is going to be? I was so excited for the vacation. I even decided to practice all the games in the game room until the time of the dinner so there are higher chances of me winning the opportunity to throw the dart and select the destination. And it's all going to drain because of the freaking Rajawats? God, just how problematic this family is?

"So no vacation anymore?" I ask bitterly.

"Not this soon," Vivaan answers.

"Great." I mutter sarcastically under my breath.

My phone begins to ring in my backpack. I walk past Vivaan and pick up the bag from the couch where I was sitting previously. The moment I get a glimpse of the caller's name, I don't even take it out and immediately switch it off.

He's gotten too bold after last night. What is he thinking calling me in a broad daylight?

"Excuse me, guys, I've to get changed out of this uniform." I swing the strap over my shoulder and walk out of the room.

"Wait up for me!" I hear Ayush shout behind me. "See you guys at dinner." He says to the boys and walks up to me. Together, we head back to our floor.

I tap my card key at the scanner and unlock the door. Ayush does the same. But before we can enter, Arush pokes his head out of his room.

"Did something happen in Yuvaan Bhai's room?"

"You might want to see the news to find that," Ayush shrugs and disappears inside the room.

"I'm too impatient," the twin squints his eyes at me.

I scoff. "The suicide is all over the news. I think she was an orphan."

"And linked to Sunrise Orphan Home?" He guesses correct.

"Bingo."

"Gaya vacation naali mein," I hear him say but only understand half of it.

"Where did the vacation go?" I frown.

"Gutter." He shuts the door.

Well, that's true.

I enter my room and drop the bag on my desk. After changing into new clothes, I stuff the school uniform in the laundry basket and exit the bathroom. Grabbing my phone from the backpack, I lie down on the bed. Ignoring the recent missed call, I dial my best friend's number.

"Janet," I sigh in relief.

"What is it?" She chuckles.

"I need my simple life back," I beg.

"Sounds like you had a no refund deal." She jokes.

"What were you doing?"

"What else? Studying. I've first paper on 20th May." She grumbles.

"20th May, Janet. We're still in the beginning of the April."

"Yes, I only have a month." She complains.

"I'm so glad I'm done with mine. School system is so different here, Janet. But I'm so grateful to my teachers and Ayush. Honestly, if it wasn't for them, I'd have never made it to the end of this year."

"Well, good for you." She says enviously. I chuckle.

"Don't worry, soon you'll be as free as me."

"Yeah, I hope so. Alright, I'll talk to you later. I've so much to prepare."

"Yeah, sure. Bye."

"Bye." She hangs up first. I toss the phone aside, staring at the ceiling blankly. Suddenly, I realise I've nothing to look forward to anymore. From the day my exams begin, I was praying every minute for them to end as soon as possible. And now that it has come true, I've nothing left to do. As if my life has no purpose.

Woah.

Let's not go so deep.

I decide to watch something to get my mind off everything that happened today. Just as I pick up my laptop, my phone blares aloud. This time, I answer his call.

"What? What is it!?"

"Why do you sound so frustrated?"

"Why are you calling me?" I demand.

"I thought you're back to ignoring me."

"Didn't we decide on the opposite yesterday?"

"We did. But how would I know you weren't just saying that to get me out of your room?"

"Well, now you know." I run a hand down my face. "Don't call me during the day. I can't answer your phone when I'm around someone else."

"Okay."

I blink. He agreed to that so easily. I was expecting a little more resistance, a dominant tone and perhaps, a firm no.

"Okay. What did you call me for?"

"To divert media's attention from this suicide, your family will visit the orphanage to spend a day with the less fortunate kids. I'm sure Yuvraaj has already mentioned this before."

I rake through my memories and come up with a similar one. "He did."

"Well, I'll see you there. Keep your phone with yourself all the time." And he hangs up.

"Wai-" I pull the phone away, gawking at the screen in disbelief.

True to his words, that night during dinner, Yuvraaj makes an announcement.

"We'll be visiting the Orphanage this Sunday. Make sure you don't have any prior commitments that are more important."

Well, it's starting to get interesting again.

I know it's a little frustrating to not know the key points of the plot since the whole book is from Taranya's pov. But that's what's exciting about this. You know just as much as her, and hence, as she slowly unravels the secrets, you'll be experiencing it all with her.

I'll make sure at the end of Tara's story, it's worth the time you've invested.