Chapter 18 ― Louis

“And you’re gonna do something about it. Ask her out, tell her how you feel, I dunno! Just do something. Today is the day to do something,” Harry told me before I went to the radio station. “If you don’t, I won’t let you in.”

“I have keys, you know,” I reminded him.

“No you don’t, I confiscated them so you have to do something or you will sleep on the street like a homeless person,” I rolled my eyes at my best mate but I was anxious inside, dying to see her again. Harry thought it would be a great idea for one of us to go every week to announce the winners, and of course I was the first selected to go. Well, I kind of volunteered to do it.

“But what if the fans–”

“We’ll protect her, Lou. Stop worrying. We’ll protect her and if they try to send her hate, we all gonna stand up for her. I’m sure the lads are with me in this. We already talked about it, so man up and do something,” he commanded and I just chuckled before saluting him militarily. “Now go, make me proud! Make her forget about that twat that doesn’t know what he’s missing.”

I laughed as he pushed me out of the flat. I knew he was right, I had to do something and honestly, it was inevitable when every time I saw her I felt so many things I couldn’t control, when I just wanted to have her closer and closer. Even if I wanted to put distance between us, I was inevitably dragged towards her again.

It was obvious I wasn’t going to resist much without doing something. I hated whoever this lad was, not only because he was a complete asshole for not wanting Havi, but also because he had her heart and he didn’t even want it. Because he had what I wanted so bad. I just wanted her, to keep her next to me after she hugged me to greet me, to hold her hand casually whilst I was driving her home, to kiss her whenever I wanted.

My feelings for her were growing so fast and I knew that I wasn’t going to be able to control them for too long. The way I wanted her in my life was incredible. Plus, it was so easy to be myself with her around, to have a normal conversation and forget about everything. I could be Louis with her, I didn’t need to be Louis of One Direction for Havi and I loved how easy everything was. Our conversations, the jokes. Time flew by when I was with her and when we were alone everything felt different.

That day I loved Joy for giving me the opportunity of driving Havi home. But when we were there at the door of her flat, my heart was beating fast and I could hear Harry in my mind telling me to do something. Whatever! But I was frozen, I didn’t know what to do first, though I knew perfectly what I wanted: to kiss her. I just wanted to kiss her as I was about to do it other times, but now I knew no one could interrupt us. However, I couldn’t make a move, I couldn’t gather the courage to do it.

“So, would you like to come in?” She asked me and all I wanted was to say yes, I just wanted to stay there with her, but stupidly I replied: “I’d love to, but the lads are waiting for me.”  What was wrong with me?

I saw disappointment in her eyes and I wanted to bang my head against the wall yet at the same time I wanted to jump in the air. She wanted to spend more time with me, only me.

“I’ll see you soon?” I asked and she nodded and that was it. I had to say goodbye and I missed my opportunity. I should have told her that I fancied her, asked her out or something. Anything would be better than nothing.

We said our goodbyes and I turned around, cursing myself for being so stupid. That was the perfect moment to make a move. Harry was right, I had to make her forget about that lad and I had to trust I could protect her. Maybe our fans grew up and maybe I could handle the whole situation in a better way, plus the whole Larry Stylinson was toning down a tad bit and it wasn’t as hard as before as the fans were finally understanding the difference between a romance and a bromance.

I could do it. I could protect Havi… if she wanted this. And there was only one way to know if she did.

“Havi,” I called her turning on my heels. I walked towards her quickly and right after her eyes met mine but before she could say something, I grabbed her by the neck and just kissed her. I wasn’t going to overthink things anymore, I was going to act.

The moment she kissed me back was pure perfection and I gave in to all I was feeling inside. I looped my arms around her and pulled her even closer, kissing her deeper. I absolutely loved the way her lips tasted, how her body felt closely pressed to mine, how her arms sneaked to my neck, how her heart was beating strong and fast, just like mine.

I hugged her tighter because I couldn’t have enough of her, of her taste, of the softness of her lips. Screw breathing! Who needed that when you could kiss her? It was better than I ever expected or dreamt of. Kissing her was perfect, it was sublime.

When she finally pulled away, because even if I wanted to stay like that forever, we couldn’t. I still held her in my arms because I wasn’t ready to let her go yet. My heart was beating so fast that it was a miracle I hadn’t had a heart attack or something like that already. We both were breathing heavily and the way her eyes were shining made her look so beautiful. Her lips were a bit swollen and red, tempting me to kiss them again.

“Louis,” she whispered and I saw confusion crossing her expression. “What did just happen?”

“I had to do it,” I told her cupping her face softly with my left hand, my right one was still on the small of her back, keeping her close to me. “I couldn’t resist anymore.”

Her smile was so precious it made my heart actually skip a beat. And I always thought that Olly was kidding with that song, that it wasn’t possible; but Havi proved me wrong.

“I know you fancy someone else, but maybe if you give me a chance we–”

“Someone else?” She asked confused cutting me off. Now it was my turn to furrow my eyebrows.

“Joy told me, remember? That you were upset because the guy you liked didn’t’ like you back, for which he’s a complete arsehole,” I told her and two seconds later she was laughing. That contagious and adorable laugh I just adored.

“She was talking about you that time,” she said between laughs and I just looked at her surprised.

“That means that… all this time you…” I trailed off and she just nodded with a cute smile.

When realisation hit me, I felt like jumping and laughing and dancing, all at the same time. I didn’t have to make her forget about someone because she never liked someone else. Because she felt the same way I did.

I crushed my lips against hers again because I was just damn happy. She kissed me back again and it felt so perfect. I didn’t know how I was supposed to let her go when I was becoming and addict to her in a matter of minutes.

“Maybe the lads can wait for me a bit more,” I told her still brushing her lips, my hands softly rubbing her back as her fingers were running through my hair.

“I’m sure they can understand,” she replied and I smiled, kissing her one more time.

At some point she opened the door of her flat though I kept her close to me all the time. I didn’t need to fight the urge anymore and I knew there were lot of things to talk about, but I just wanted to feel her close, to hold her in my arms. I had been wanting that since I met her, I could finally do it.

Her flat was small yet cosy, feminine and with a very interesting decoration. Everything was different yet all fit together perfectly. I liked it very much and it had Havi’s touch.

We sat on the sofa and soon I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her against me. She ended up between my legs, her back pressed against my chest and her head resting in the crook of my neck. I loved her how she felt in my arms, so perfect there.

“Can I ask you something, Louis,” she said as she was playing with my fingers, my hands here on her belly.

“Whatever you want,” I replied kissing her temple.

“What made you change your mind?” She asked and I frowned a tad bit, not clear of what she meant. “I mean, at the beginning you wanted to keep the distance because of your fans, but now… what? Don’t you care about that anymore?”

I hugged her tighter and closed my eyes a bit. I did care, I cared so much it terrified me because the least thing I wanted was to see Havi hurt.

“I still care and probably I’m being really selfish and I should keep my distance ‘cos I’m gonna bring a lot of trouble with me, I can tell you that. But I just couldn’t keep this to myself anymore, I couldn’t keep my distance even if I knew I had to,” I tried to explain to her but I knew I wasn’t being too clear.

“I think I can handle that trouble,” she said cupping my cheek and looking up at me, her eyes bright and filled with determination. I kissed her eyelids softly, just wishing she would be indeed able to handle all the trouble I was going to bring into her life.

“Maybe you need to know this before saying that. I need to warn you ‘cos the last thing I want is for you to get hurt,” I said and I knew she was starting to get worried. “Eleanor and I broke up because she couldn’t take it anymore, because the fans kept sending her hate, death threats and things like that. I tried to help her, but it was never enough. I couldn’t keep her safe and I promised myself I wasn’t going to let that happen again, that I wasn’t going to let anyone go through what Eleanor had to again. That’s why I tried to keep my distance at the beginning with you, but I just couldn’t do it anymore,” I looked into her eyes and I knew she was paying full attention to what I was telling her. “I want you to know that people will hate you just because you’re part of my life, they will be cruel and I wish I could promise you that I won’t let those people hurt you, but I can’t control them.”

“Exactly,” she replied softly. “You can’t control what they do or think, you can’t be responsible for their immaturity. I don’t care about what people that are not part of my life and that will never be might think of me.” She kissed me softly in the lips and I just closed my eyes, wishing for things to be easier for us. “It’s gonna be fine.”

“I’ll try to protect you, I can promise you, at least, that I’ll do my best,” I told her really meaning it, she just smiled brightly and nodded.

“We can keep this a secret if you want. I mean, if that leaves you at ease with this whole thing,” Havi proposed. Sadly, I knew that it was the best we could do for now.

“I think that’d be better. I’m sorry we have to do this, but it’s for the best.”

“I know and it’s okay. I understand it perfectly,” she replied and her smile was so honest I knew she really meant what she said, she wasn’t only telling that to content me. “It’s gonna be fine, Louis. Now smile!”

I did as she asked, hoping, begging for things to be okay. I was doing something risky, I was putting her in a very vulnerable position just because I wanted her with me. I just hoped to be enough to keep her safe. I would never forgive myself if someday I saw her as broken as I saw her in my dreams.

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Dedication for @BridieBling for being such a good reading.

Bel, xx

PS: GO TEAM LOUVI! (That's the ship name).