Chapter 16 ― Louis

“Relax, Lou. Everything’s gonna be fine,” Harry reassured me patting my back lightly. “We know Havi and I’m sure, as Eleanor, she will never blame you.”

I sighed as we got out of the van. Liam, Zayn and Niall were walking ahead and Paul was behind us silently. I told Harry about my dream because I just couldn’t keep it for myself any longer, the lump in my throat didn’t let me breathe and only talking about it with my best mate would help me. I feared that Havi might hate me one day so much, that she was going to blame me for whatever might happen to her and I knew I had to keep distance to keep her safe, but I couldn’t. Not when I wanted to see her so badly, not when I wanted to know her better with all my heart, not when I wanted her closer and closer.

I was torn between what I wanted and what I should do. I wanted her, I wanted to make her forget about that other lad and make her want me back. I wanted to be able to call her mine, to hold her in my arms whilst she smiled at me so sweetly, with her eyes shining because she was happy. But if I wanted to protect her, I should stay away from her.

Harry told me that I should fight for her, that I should trust I could keep her safe and that Havi wasn’t as vulnerable as I thought she was, but I didn’t want to take the risk. I couldn’t risk letting someone hurt her. I cared about her, I cared so much and the last thing I wanted was to see her hurt. That was my biggest fear, but since I sorted my feelings out, I could only notice how much I wanted her.

“If I were her, I would hate me,” I told him in a whisper. He kept telling me that Havi would never hate me, or blame me for whatever might happen.

“Stop with that or I’ll hit you,” he threatened me and I looked at him kind of amused for that comment, but he was serious. “Do you seriously think Havi would blame you for something you can’t control? It’s like she’d blame you because every time you go out and it’s raining. It’s not your responsibility what the fans might do, therefore it’s not your fault. Of course Havi will know that! They only one who doesn’t seem to understand that it’s you!” He almost was yelling at me and we both stopped walking. Paul passed next to us and left us alone.

“I–” I started but he cut me off.

“You…” he mimicked me. “You’re being a fucking idiot! That’s what you are. You’re considering your own point of view but have you thought about what Havi might want? Maybe she will want to be with you, give the both of you a chance but you’re not even giving her the option to choose!” He was talking loud and fast, his expression dead serious and I could only look at him with my eyes wide open.

His words were like slaps on my face. I could barely process what he was saying, it was too much for me, putting everything under a new perspective, considering another option for this whole drama. “Havi doesn’t want to be with me…” I whispered and, damn! That hurt.

“And that’s written in stone, right?” He retorted sarcastically and I could only bite my lower lip and avoid his eyes. “Look, Boo-bear, I just want the best for you and if you really like her, then you should go for her. If you don’t, you’re gonna be all gloomy and we all want our happy Louis,” he finished with a smile and his hand on my shoulder.

I could understand why he was telling me all this, because he believed that Havi could make me happy. I honestly kind of believed the same because when she was around, I felt better, lighter, happier. I felt like I could be myself again and I even could forget about all I’ve lost since we started with the band, something that always came to my mind since Eleanor and I broke up. I didn’t know what Havi had that made her so special, but I felt so good when she was near.

But I made a promise to myself that I would never let a normal and good girl go through what Eleanor had to, and Havi was a normal and so precious girl. I could never expose her to such a hard situation.

“I can’t let her go through this…” I whispered looking down and Harry squeezed my shoulder.

“Why don’t you let her decide that?”

“But she fancies someone else,” I reminded him and I just felt this bitter sensation in the pit of my stomach.

“And you told me he doesn’t like her back, so he loses. Do something about it, mate!” I chuckled softly at his words. Honestly, I wanted to do something, to make her forget about that idiot who didn’t know what he was missing. I would have given everything to be in his shoes, to be able to offer her a simple date without paparazzi following us and making up stupid rumours, without thousands of girls sending hate and death threats just because I liked her. I wanted to offer her normality, but I couldn’t.

“I dunno, Harry,” I mumbled and he just shook me.

“Hear me out, Lou. I’m pretty sure that Havi is stronger than you think and if you really want her, then you have to try. You can’t give up without even trying! C’mon! That’s not the Louis I know.”

I smiled and looked at him, he had this serious yet hopeful expression. He always knew what to say, the right word to make me change my mind.

I couldn’t just give up without trying. Maybe I could protect her and be with her at the same time. Maybe I could have both things, maybe I didn’t have to choose. Either way, I could try and as Harry said, give her the option to choose if she wanted the same I did, because there was no denial on what I wanted, and that was her.

“Thanks, Harry,” I told him and he smiled brightly showing off his dimples.

“Now let’s go. Go fight for your girl!” I laughed as he pushed me towards the station. Probably, Liam, Niall and Zayn were already with the girls and the idea of seeing Havi brought up this tingling sensation in my stomach.

Soon we were in the conference room and as I thought, the lads were already there, laughing at something that Joy said. The blonde had this satisfied smirk on her face and had her arms folded over her chest whilst Havi was next to her, laughing adorably, her eyes shining in that way they always did when she was happy.

As Harry and I made our way into the room, her hazel eyes met mine and immediately her cheeks turned in this lovely pink colour and her expression was of sheer nervousness. I smiled at her sight, she looked definitely cute in front of my eyes.

“Finally! We thought you two ran away to get married or something like that, but as I see no ring I’ll assume you were busy with other things,” Joy said standing up to greet us. Havi followed her but I still could see she was kind of embarrassed and I wondered why. It was even difficult for her to hold my gaze.

“Of course not! I’m still waiting for you to say yes,” Harry teased Joy. We all knew that there wasn’t anything romantic between them, but they liked to fake flirt. The same thing we all did between us, specially Harry and I. At least when we were alone because we couldn’t be like that in public anymore due to the many Larry shippers.

“You’ll have to keep waiting ‘cos I’m not saying yes till I get to see the ring,” Joy replied in the same tone and then hugged him. Then she came to me to give me this huge hug whilst Havi was greeting Harry.

I let Joy go and locked my eyes with Havi’s. I knew she didn’t want to come to me, I could see it in her eyes and I wasn’t sure why she was so hesitantly, so I just stepped forward and wrapped my arms around her body before she could do something about it. I pulled her against my chest and held her tight, my nose buried in her hair and I smiled when her arms surrounded my own waist.

“Hi,” I whispered in her ear not wanting to let her go. She felt so perfect in my arms and I kind of wanted to hold her like that forever, in a place where no one could touch nor hurt her.

“Hi,” she whispered back and for a second I felt her tightening her arms around me just before she pulled away, but I didn’t want to let her go yet, however I released her as I knew we weren’t alone in that room. “Okay, shall we start?” she asked avoiding my eyes and we all chorused a big yes.

We started to discuss about who should win and why that answer was better than the other. We played some of the calls again just to be sure. It wasn’t as demanding as it seemed and I really enjoyed trying to pick the winners, fighting for my favourite to be included in the five winners of the week. We laughed a lot and the time was flying.

A thing I did a lot during that time was to observe Havi, contemplate all her expressions and the way she talked, the things she said and I really listened to all her opinions. I just wanted to learn the most about her and with every little detail I was catching that day, I liked her even more. Like her sarcasm and how she enjoyed laughing at Joy and even at herself sometimes, I just loved that about her. Or how she could be so fast at catching a joke with a double meaning and sometimes she could be as clueless as a little girl. Or how she liked to act like a little cat sometimes just to be adorable with Joy if she wanted something. I adored when she flirted with Joy shamelessly and how she could turn almost everything into something sweet yet flirty to say to her best friend.

When we finally decided the five winners of the week, Niall was starving and the rest of us were pretty close to that state, so the idea to go to the cafeteria was tempting us all. We were already in the cafeteria when Joy saw the carrot muffin and literally screamed. “Louis! Now I remember! You naughty boy!”

“What?” I asked confused as Joy smacked my arm. For a girl, she was pretty strong. Harry and Niall were laughing at me, Zayn and Liam had this amused expression on their faces, and Havi was just smiling. “What did I do?”

“Why did you say that? You know your fans are of an average of thirteen. How could you?!” She kept telling me rather dramatically and I was so confused. Havi was giggling and I wanted her to help me, but she did nothing.

“I don’t understand,” I complained pouting and trying to avoid Joy’s attack.

“In your video diary! With Havi we didn’t understand why your fans were so obsessed with giving you carrots, so we looked for it and… oh you naughty boy! How could you say that?” By that time, Havi was officially laughing out loud and the lads seemed really interested in our weird conversation.

“What do you mean?” I asked, still confused.

“‘I like girls who eat carrots’. Does it ring a bell to you? How could you? They are little girls and you’re saying that! Naughty boy! You thought no one was going to realise the real meaning of that sentence?” She inquired and the lads plus Havi burst out laughing, Niall even fell to his knees hugging himself as he laughed. “You have little girls offering you blowjobs!” She screamed scandalised.

My mouth formed this perfect O as realisation hit me.

“How did you–?”

“It’s obvious!” She replied and I felt my cheeks burning, plus the fact the Havi was laughing at me to the point that tears jumped to her eyes, didn’t help at all. “At first I thought you said it to be random, but the way these idiots laughed just could mean there was something else. Naughty!” She smacked me again.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled and the boys were still laughing uncontrollably at me, Havi was already crying.

“You better be! Now carrots are ruined for me! I’ll never be able to see a carrot now and not think of what you said, and I used to love carrot muffins.” Joy turned around leaving me there with the lads still laughing at me and Havi brushing away her tears.

“Don’t mind her, she’s just trying to make you feel bad. Your fans probably don’t know what you really meant with that,” Havi told me with a sweet smile and holding her laugh. I smiled at her as I started to laugh too.

“They probably know. It’s incredible how dirty minded those girls are,” I mused and we laughed even harder. I really loved her laugh; it was so contagious and full of glee. It was precious, just like her. And I liked her very much.

-:-:-:-

How many of you knew the real meaning behind the carrots joke? The song Runaway Baby by Bruno Mars helped us to realise of this. Mila told us and I had to put it somewhere. Hehee

Dedication for @NicoleRozanski for the amazing comment with a reference to Thor!

Bel, xx

PS: Follow me on twitter! @BelWatson