Chapter 11 ― Havi

 I should have avoided him, greeting him from afar but I didn’t even notice it when I was in front of Louis and when he wrapped his arms around me. I knew I had to keep my distance, I wasn’t going to forget about all what was happening to me with him if I let him hug me like this, but I couldn’t help it. Once he had me in his arms it was… it was just perfect. So hard to describe they way his arms felt around me, how his warmth embraced me, or the things his perfume made me feel. I couldn’t understand how a hug could feel so perfect. If could freeze time, I would have done it in that exact moment.

However, he let me go and when I turned around I saw Joy looking at me disapprovingly yet worriedly at the same time. She knew I started to have feelings for Louis and we both knew that if I didn’t keep distance between us, those feelings were going to grow only stronger. And I couldn’t allow that, even if I knew he didn’t have girlfriend –product of our research about the boys–, I did know he didn’t see me that way. Therefore, the whole co-workers thing was perfect for me, but it still didn’t feel right.

Okay, if I wanted to keep my heart safe, I needed to put some space between us. So we jumped into business. The contest always helped me keep my mind in something else but Louis, though it was closely connected to him, I focused more on the calls and picking the winners of the week. It was amazing the amount of calls we received during these past few days, I still couldn’t believe it, but it was true. We received more than three thousand calls and no one could imagine how hard was to narrow that number to fifty.

We got all kind of answers, from the typical one that they are the best fans in the world and it would mean everything for them to meet the boys, to some very touching that truly broke my heart, to some of the most ridiculous and funny answers I’ve ever heard.

Because they need someone to teach them grammar and punctuation.

Because they changed my life. They helped me go through the hardest time and I need to tell them thank you in person.

Because I’m sure I can make them laugh till they pee themselves.

Because I’ve been there since the beginning and I will be till the very end.

And like those, we received so many. To hear those answers was funny and very emotional. There were stories so heart-breaking and I was truly amazed at how these boys had changed lives with their music and their crazy moments. This contest taught me something important and that was that I underestimated them. I thought they were just five hot boys with nice voices and that everyone was just exaggerating about them. But they were more, so much more than a cute boy band. They were inspiration for many girls and some boys. They were the light in a dark life for some. They were that bit of happiness in some lives. They were something beautiful where it was needed. One Direction was more than music, it was a phenomenon and it wouldn’t have been the same if the boys had been others. In every call you could hear all the love these fans had for them and if you didn’t like them before, you could totally respect them after hearing those calls.

I decided that I didn’t hate them anymore –well, I never hated them, but you get the point– and that I quite liked their uplifting music, plus they were great, so funny and down to earth despite their huge success and they were almost the same boys that were at the bottoms of a stair more than three years ago.

Whilst we showed them the recordings of the calls, I saw their emotions showing in their faces. When they laughed, when they were touched with an answer, when they were a bit scared. Yes, Joy and I selected a few creepy calls just to freak them out a bit.

The hours passed and we didn’t notice how time flew by. Suddenly it was really late, but we had heard all the calls and the boys had taken note of their favourites. The next day we were going to pick the best five of that week. Just then I allowed myself to look at Louis and my eyes immediately met blue ones. My heart did this little flip in my chest and started to beat so fast I thought it got confused and now it believed it was a horse in a race. Silly heart.

He smiled at me, a cute and little smile, and my heart won the race. If real horses worked like that, running even faster with a little smile from Louis, I would be betting all my money at horse races.

“That was nice,” Liam said as he stood up. Soon all the other boys did the same. “Though I still don’t know how we gonna narrow this to five.”

“That’s nothing!” Joy commented. “We had to narrow more than three thousand calls to fifty. That’s hard!” I laughed at her and the boys just raised their eyebrows in sheer disbelief. “The least you could do is give me a chocolate,” she pouted and I just laughed harder.

“Don’t worry, Joy. After this we’re gonna go eat something and you’ll have all the chocolate you want,” I promised and she just hugged me so hard I almost fell to the floor.

“We should all go somewhere to celebrate! This’s going great, I think,” Harry offered and I froze. I needed to spend as little time with them as possible. At least till I had total control over my emotions, but I didn’t have that yet. It still affected me when Louis smiled, for crying out loud! “What do you think?” He asked and I looked at Joy. She looked at me too, her eyes confused.

I knew she liked them all, they were fun to be with and really nice, she enjoyed spending time with them, but she also knew I wasn’t ready to spend time with them yet, meaning I wasn’t ready to be near Louis unless it was about the contest.

“C’mon! We can go to one of our flats and do something fun! We can order food and watch a movie or something,” Niall insisted looking at us with puppy eyes and I felt weak. He was too adorable when doing that. What kind of human being could say no to those charming blue eyes and that smile? No one! And I was human.

“Ugh,” I mumbled and not wanting to, I looked away just to find Louis looking at me and it surprised me that I saw hope in his eyes, like he really wanted us to spend more time with them. But that couldn’t be possible, not when he told me the opposite the other day. “I don’t thing that’s a good idea,” I said almost in a whisper.

“Why not?” Harry asked but my eyes never left Louis. “We can’t be just co-workers.” His words were like a punch in my face. “What’s the fun out of that?”

“I think we should keep this like that, don’t you think, Louis?” I asked him because if I had to keep this like this, it was because of him. Just him.

“Um– I dunno, I think Harry is right,” he said with a sheepish smile. My eyes were wide opened, sheer incredulity filling my whole body. What was wrong with him? Stupid bipolar boy!

“Well, if everyone is in favour of this, let’s do it!” Joy agreed but I was still mad. I couldn’t believe Louis one day believed the best was to keep our distance and the next day he was like ‘oh yeah, let’s all be friends! Let’s have fun together.’ No, he couldn’t do that to me! Not when I was dealing with my conflictive feelings for him. Just no. “It’s gonna be fine,” Joy whispered into my ear so only I could hear her.

I wanted to believe her, but my eyes were still on Louis and my head was trying to understand what was happening. Probably I was just making a fuss out of this and it didn’t mean anything else than that. Probably he was so sure nothing was going to happen between us, that his fans would never believe something else could happen between us, that Joy and I weren’t in any danger at all.

And that theory hurt like hell because it was true. There was no fucking way that he and I could work out, not after seeing his ex girlfriend. This girl was beyond gorgeous and after being with someone like her for so long, it was impossible he could look at me in another way but as a friend. And his fans knew that too. I needed to accept that and stop hoping things would be different, stop hoping he would look at me otherwise. It wasn’t going to happen.

I sighed and broke eye contact with Louis letting reality sink in. I didn’t hope to accept it this night, I didn’t even dream that it was going to be easy because for some reason, when you wanted to forget about someone, when you tried to do that, it was harder. I just had to ignore what I was feeling, ignore everything that was happening inside of me and pretend he was still with his gorgeous girlfriend. That way, I was going to get used to his presence and eventually, I was going to get over all my stupid feelings.

Louis Tomlinson wasn’t the guy for me, and most certainly, I wasn’t the girl for him.

“Great!” Liam said with a huge smile, quite similar to all the expressions the other boys had as well. “We can go in our van and then we can drive you to your homes,” he offered but Joy just shook her head.

“We’ll follow you all ‘cos I have my own car and I always take Havi to her flat. Don’t worry about that,” my friend informed and Liam just nodded. “Okay, let’s take our things and let’s go. I’m hungry.”

“Yeah buddy! Food,” Niall cheered and I just chuckled softly.

I took my purse and waited till the boys walked ahead. Joy stayed there, waiting for me and I saw her worried expression.

“If you don’t wanna go, I can make up an excuse. But first, I want you to know that, I think Louis changed his mind and that–”

“It’s okay, I get it,” I told my friend to clam her down. “I understand and know why he’s okay with this now. Don’t worry. I’m gonna be fine, it’s not a big deal, plus, he’s not the only one who’s gonna be there, right?” I went on but I knew I wasn’t fooling her. She knew it wasn’t going to be easy to be there with him close, but I knew she got why I was going to do it anyways.

“I still believe he’s stupid,” she told me giving me a hug. “You’re the most amazing girl in this world and he doesn’t see it. Stupid, see?” I laughed and hugged her back, till we heard someone else.

“Who’s stupid?” A familiar voice asked and I just opened my eyes so much I feared I was going to lose them.

Joy stood there looking at Louis with a bit of hate, I could see that and I didn’t want her to be mad at him. “Some boy Havi likes. He’s stupid, don’t you think? She’s great but he doesn’t see that,” she said and I wanted to bury myself alive in that moment. She had this challenging tone and I knew she was dying to tell him in the face he was stupid.

“Havi likes some…” his words faded away as his eyes searched for mine. I looked away, incapable of meeting his eyes. I didn’t want to see his reaction. “Yes, he’s stupid,” he agreed and I just chuckled softly. He just admitted he was stupid, though probably he did it out of politeness. “I– um… I came for you ‘cos you were taking so long and we um… let’s go?”

“Let’s go,” Joy agreed and I glanced at her, seeing her proud smile. She just made Louis admit he was stupid. Nice one, Joy, I thought for myself as she started walking towards the door and I followed her, passing next to Louis and still avoiding his eyes. Probably I was going to that the rest of the day and the next one.

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Dedication to @charliester3 because she's an incredible reader, I always love her comments.

Bel, xx