dan

i'm not sure when exactly i fell asleep—it was probably somewhere between phil's fingers tracing along my arm and my brain melting into something completely useless—but my heart skips multiple beats as soon as i wake up. my entire body somehow trapped under phil's, whose head is tucked in the crook of my neck, his arms wrapped possessively around my waist and his breathing sound and heavy.

what the fuck?

i gulp and stare at the mess of dark hair on top of his head in confusion. i have no idea what to do so like the complete idiot i am, i opt to lay there like a dead fish and hope for him to wake up in time for work. my fingers however, decide to have a mind of their own as they travel up his back gently and wind into his soft hair causing him to breathe loudly against my neck and hold me tighter. my cheeks flush in distress and i experimentally move his hair away from his face, giving me the opportunity to admire the slight stubble on his chin and his high cheekbones.

god, he is so attractive.

i drool over him for approximately fifteen minutes before my alarm breaks through the silence of his apartment, and i mentally and physically lose my shit. my chin bumps into phil's head accidentally and he wakes up with a groan and my alarm seems to grow louder by the second as i move around like an actual lizard to grab my phone.

"what the fuck dan?" phil rubs his eyes and jesus his voice right now alone makes me pause all my movement and stare at him dreadfully.

he raises his eyebrows as if to ask me why i ruined his sleep and i fumble over my words several times before phil rolls his eyes and gets off of me, stretching his arms above his head and walking down the hallway.

i breathe out a sigh of relief, biting my lips anxiously and looking for my damned phone, quickly shutting off the alarm and slumping back into the couch after stretching my legs out. i'm a little bit disappointed that phil didn't wake up with a soft smile on his face and wish me a good morning but i wasn't really expecting a lot out of him anyway. i'm pretty sure he's going to act like a dick now, i'm almost used to it.

almost.

"why are you still here?" phil raises his eyebrows at me dismissively, one of his hands pushing his hair back off his forehead and the other one holding a cup of coffee. i knew this was coming but it doesn't make it any better that he's actually back to well, himself, after we spent such a great time last night.

"sorry," i mutter before he can insult me or call me desperate, getting off the couch and quickly straightening out my clothes.

"i just don't understand why you would even—"

"look phil, i fucking get it. i'm leaving alright? save your crude remarks for the next time you decide to be nice to me," i roll my eyes, my head already hurting. this is why it's useless to spend any sort of time with him. he will make you feel special and be nice and act like a gentleman only to ruin it a few hours later.

he is a grade A asshole but that doesn't guarantee that i'll tell him off next time. i know how this goes by now.

"i wasn't being rude i was just—uh—i don't know—i was," he stammers awkwardly for a few seconds.

"it's okay," i sigh and walk out of his apartment hurriedly. i know he just wanted to ruin this entire thing because he doesn't want me to think we can be anything more than friends, because he thinks i'm a kid, because he only wants to hook up with me with no strings attached—and the worst part of it all is that he's dropped me down to the point where i might be ready to take anything he offers.

it doesn't matter if it's just unrequited feelings and a promise to break my heart further.

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hi i've forgotten how to write