dan

pale skin shimmers in the london traffic and blue eyes dim to a shade darker as i watch phil's restless expression from the passenger seat. i'm guessing he hates traffic, which is why i have heard him cuss out atleast twenty people, seven of them being literally dying grandmas.

"you seem wound up," i point out, and i guess phil didn't appreciate it that much because as soon as the words leave my mouth, he turns to me with his pretty eyes drawn to slits and his mouth in a frown.

"i'm not wound up, i am just annoyed becau—that fucking dickface! what the fuck in fucking hell—"

"jesus, wash your mouth out phil," i roll my eyes, slightly enjoying the one time i can see phil bothered about something. usually the man beside me is composed, always knowing what to do, always knowing what to say, always seeming like he doesn't care about anything other than himself. so seeing this side of phil, his cheeks flushed with annoyance and his eyes drifting from the expensive watch on his wrist towards the bumper-to-bumper traffic is intriguing but amusing all the same.

"you probably don't know this but one time this fucking lady threatened to call the police because i was bad mouthing her," he rolls his eyes and my lips part in surprise.

"what the hell? what did you do then?"

"yelled multiple profanities and insulted her balding husband before driving the fuck out of there," he states casually and i burst out in laughter. i bring my hands to my mouth in an attempt of muffling the noise but i can't stop the hyena like sound falling from my lips.

"what is wrong with you?" i laugh, running my fingers through my hair and breathing out in order to calm myself and phil looks over to me with a small smile on his face, his features seeming a lot softer than they were a few minutes ago.

"it's quite fun actually, try it sometime,"

"i wouldn't have the confidence, knowing myself i'd probably call the police and ask them to arrest me and my entire family," i say and phil giggles, that small little giggle that i hadn't  had the chance to witness until now, the one where his eyes squeeze shut and his tongue pokes out of his mouth and he looks absolutely adorable. it's so strange to be spending time with phil right now, like everything is completely normal between us, like three weeks ago i wasn't standing outside my apartment and crying like the pathetic person i am.

he seems different right now, for some reason, the urge to know this man is so much stronger than it has ever been. before it was purely based on my physical attraction towards him—how his plaid shirts hugged his broad shoulders, how his dark hair clashed with his light eyes, how his pale skin used to flush with colour sometimes and the way his pink lips formed words. i am aware that my feelings for phil haven't died down yet—i mean i have come to the realisation that they are completely hopeless and bleak—but they are still there, silently sitting, silently growing, silently waiting to destroy my mental peace once again.  phil is such a confusing man, he is polite but so incredibly shrewd, he seems cold hearted but then backtracks and apologises, he is rude and obnoxious but i feel like there is so much more to him, so much more to this uncaring persona. so many more personalities, so many more emotions that i haven't seen from him but fully plan on discovering somehow.

we sit in silence after our light hearted conversation, phil's fingers reaching forward and turning up the sound on the radio to fill out the lack of words between us. a gentle melody plays, elvis presley's iconic voice travels delicately mixed with an underwhelming instrumental. from the corner of my eye i can see phil tapping his long fingers softly on the steering, his annoyance melting into tolerance and his head moving along the slow beats of the song.

"i take that you like this song then?" my mouth decided to ruin the beauty of his low humming and relaxed expression and he looks over to me with a smile.

"yeah, brings back memories i guess," he shrugs, his smile faltering for a moment before he slumps back against his seat, continuing his humming. i decide not to push his vague statement, to pretend like i don't wanna know what every song reminds him of, like i don't want to spend a saturday night with him over a bottle of wine and discuss all our favourite songs and what they mean to us.

i shake the thought out of my head.

i focus on his humming, his pitch is way lower than mine and so incredibly soothing to hear. i almost want to shut the song down completely, because in this moment, i feel like the sound escaping his closed lips, the way his bright eyes have softened ever so slightly, the way his hair falling over his eyes is so much more beautiful than elvis presley's voice.

"hey phil?" i interrupt his placidity once again, mentally punching myself but i can't help but spit out the words that follow when he looks at me with raised eyebrows.

"why don't you sing for me?" i blurt and i watch as the colour rises to his cheeks. he seems very unlike-phil today.

"you don't tell me what to do baby," he winks, and i feel my heart beat quicken just a little at the use of the familiar nickname. it's been a while since i've heard the word rolling off of his lips.

"sorry it's a habit i need to break, i don't mean to make you uncomfortable," he apologises immediately when he notices my embarrassed expression and i almost want to pinch myself at how surreal this all seems. phil lester apologising for being inappropriate?

"it's alright," i bite my lip. "are you gonna sing or what?"

"you're really pushing this friendship thing," he purses his lips before running his fingers through his hair and pushing his fringe off his forehead. "but sure, only this once since i'm trying to be nice,"

"so what you're gonna go back to making me cry after we are on better terms?" i joke and he scrunches his nose in an endearing manner.

"precisely," he laughs. "what do you want me to sing?"

"this song," i gesture to the radio.

"but it's over,"

"yeah but i wanna hear you without the radio, like just you,"

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hey hey happy holidays !! hope ur ok with this crappy update love u🎄🎄🎄