I did not sleep well that night. In fact, I simply felt ill. And my night's dream matched my mood perfectly.

I was in Heaven again, and it was late evening. The Church Tower's bath was open to the night sky in this dream, and full of people. But they were demons, I soon realized. Demons and Michael.

I knew he must have been punishing me. He sat across from me, in fact, with his arms slumped around Cassiel and Victory. And he had a most relaxed smile. It seemed like, to me, he was laughing quietly. But he didn't speak. And the girls at his side looked practically lifeless.

I began to cry, and because it was in a dream, I didn't ever stop. Moll was sitting next to me, laughing too, and so were most of the other demons I had met- both members of The Few and members of the church. They weren't laughing loudly, of course. But their mouths were curled in the same sort of quiet smile.

I drew out my wings to cover myself with, but found them to be those of a demon's. I took a moment to examine myself, looking at my body with a sort of disassociation with it that it was like looking at a stranger. I had claws, five eyes, white spots, curled horns, scales, and a tail like a snake. It was hard to think of myself as 'myself' anymore.

My dream-self, still sobbing, tried to get out of the water. But Michael held him- me- down.

"Michael." He said. "What do you think you're doing?"

And then I was Michael. It was a strange thing for Michael to put in my dream, but it must have been a warning all the same. I suppose he was just that disappointed in me for becoming a leader here in Hell. Michael was the leader. And he was the one who chose those to lead under his guidance.

"I don't know, Nichael." I said, or Michael said, or whatever. "Who do you think you are?"

I awoke in cold sweat and tears on my pillow case. I didn't even sit up. It was early in the morning, and I just sat there and cried. We don't have tears in Heaven. It shows weakness of character.

By the time I had pulled myself together, it was later in the morning. I went to the kitchen that was also Tecie's bedroom and prepared a breakfast of bread. There was little preparation involved, actually.

"You're up early. Cult life not yet exhausting you?"

"No. Getting kicked out this afternoon. Thought I should get up early and be conscious for my last couple hours."

"Out of the cult?"

"Hell."

"Jesus Nichael, what have you been up to? These are the sorts of things I'd like to know as soon as possible."

"I lost my temper last night and blew my cover." I shrugged, as I was a lot more upset about it than I was going to let on. "Punched Kell. I don't think the news is going to know about my expulsion, but The Few certainly is going to be aware."

"Are you coming back?"

"He said they were going to skin me if I ever came back."

"That doesn't mean you can't-"

"I don't want to be skinned, Tecie."

"I just mean- so this is it, huh? It's only been three months. You only lasted three months." She sighed.

"Were you expecting much else? I mean, I guess orders were for me to stay as long as possible. And that variable just happened to be this long. Whatever. I left my mark, probably. The church is probably going to survive for a while without me."

"Yeah, but you never were supposed to get involved with the church, and that Stacy Baruth."

"What was I supposed to do then?"

"Like, you know- blend. You quit your job in like a week. Your roots are showing. And you evidently didn't think twice before punching a notable member of the government, who would easily recognize you, in the face."

"I could have done all that, but I didn't, so you know, whatever. Was it really all the important in the end? Imagine if I had lived how you wanted me to, but still got kicked out three months. What sort of person would I have ended up as? What would I have gained from it?"

"If you were who I wanted you to be, you never would have to leave."

"I'm glad I'm going. You've been fine, Tecie."

"Fine."

"But I hate demons. And I guess if there's one thing this brief respite has done for me, it's made me all the more willing to die for Michael's cause. Seriously, fuck demons."

"You've been learning some new words, I see." Tecie exhaled loudly. "Angels and demons aren't that different."

"You obviously don't know shit about either then. Demons want gain for themselves. Angels want gain for other angels. I'll admit I've been faltering near sin while I've stayed in Hell. But everything I do is for Michael. Always. And I will never let him down again after today."

"I meant that biologically." Tecie swallowed. "Way down at our cores, we're about the same. Trust me. I've studied this."

"We're a lot more than our cores." I said. "I mean, okay, maybe we're technically similar if you count that we both can look a hell of a lot like humans. But there's the whole Grace vs. soulless abomination thing you have to look past first."

"Hey-" Tecie said dryly. "You know what place I think you'd like to visit? The angelic archives. Our library."

"I don't have time for that."

"Did they ever give you a collection time? If not, there's no reason you can't leave the house. Leave a note, if you're so inclined."

I didn't want to hear Tecie's opinion on the matter all that much, but seemed pretty insistent on dragging me out, and I couldn't say no to her. She set course for the far end of the city.

"It's down in the lower levels. We call it Envy, sometimes, but don't get too caught up on our nicknames."

"Why is Hell arranged so oddly?" I hadn't really ever left the city, besides to visit the farm down in Greed, but I understood there were six levels total. The city was actually called Pride because of this, and there simply wasn't a Sloth. Each level was of variant size and worth. But they went very far down.

"Hell started as a series of tunnels. While the city was being constructed, everyone lived in the lower levels. When it was finished, most people moved up. It was figured it made sense to keep the lower levels open, however, so a couple government industries moved into them. And of course, the portal to the cycling Earth is located on the lowest level, so that route needs to stay open."

"It's bullshit, really, how confusing you make your lives. In Heaven, things are simple. And ringed for convenience."

"You might want to watch your mouth when you get to Heaven, you know. Not sure they're going to like how rude you've become."

"Ai, don't think most of them have heard these words anyways. I'll drop it after a few days."

"...If you're there that long."

"I don't like how cryptic you are about this. I am leaving. It has been nice knowing you and all, but I am legitimately being made to leave today."

"I know about that. But think about it- the only thing stopping you is the threat of being used a weapon. Your skin letting the military gain access to angelswords again. But the only reason you can use angelswords in the first place is your Grace, correct? So if you just lose it-"

"My Grace? I can't lose my Grace. I don't deserve to fall. I am loyal to Michael, one hundred percent. I would never do anything to earn his disgrace."

"But if you do, you can come back here."

"And stay down here. While I expected to simply die before I returned home, I still kept a sliver of hope on getting home anyways. Because I love Heaven. And I love Michael."

"Look, I get it. But keep it in mind, won't you? Maybe you can even arrange a loan situation. I'm sure if you explained things to Michael, he'd be all like 'sure, I can temporarily take your Grace away while you wreak havoc on Hell or whatever. I love you too', and that'd be that."

"Michael would never go for such a dumb plan. You seem to think of Grace as something to be allocated and appropriated as needed. It is our sacred self! We can't simply lose it and retrieve it whenever we need."

"Keep it in mind, okay?"

We arrived in a section of hallway with great glass walls. Beyond it was clearly a library. A very, very large one, however. We have a library in Heaven too, though I never had time to read. But I had been inside enough to know it was much smaller than this one.

Bookshelves were the wall. The ceiling looked almost glass, with artificial light streaming in from above. The main center space of bookshelves was even more of a maze than the walls were. How many books could seriously exist in the world?

I had no idea where we were heading of course. I rarely did. But usually I could make an educated guess about where things were. Today I had to rely entirely on Tecie, who seemed to know her way perfectly through the maze.

"This place isn't really for public access." She said at one point. Was she implying she wasn't part of the public?

"Not to be blunt about it, but who are you then? What standing do you hold?"

"I'm the file girl, I guess. People sometimes call me that as a joke, but it does about sum me up. I maintain the file room. That's all. Got a job working here when I was just a kid. Back then it was all volunteering too. My parents thought it'd be nice for me to spend time doing something, since I didn't have school or anything, and a private library seemed like a safe place for a young girl."

"But how does book stacking give you power?"

"Power? Who ever said I have that?" She paused. "Alright, I guess I do have a bit of standing. But it's mostly undercover, not-really-allowed kind of stuff that's gotten me places. Because there are so many books here, very little has been properly catalogued. And over long days and nights inputting things into the computer and emptying out dusty boxes, I'll be damned if I haven't found some of the most intriguing files." She seemed to be grinning now.

"Such as?"

"Trust me, you'll want to see this." Was all she said.

She continued to guide me through the maze. Sometimes we'd come across a little room in the books, and there'd be a cup of tea or an open book. But we had yet to see someone.

"Isn't there anyone else here?"

"Mr. Doyle, the Aquarius, technically is the overseer of this place. But he mostly comes to relax. There's a couple who clean, but I'm the only one really dedicated to working."

I nervously thought of the time as we continued to meander through the great room. I didn't have much of an internal clock yet, but I could guess we had about run out of time. Kell had probably found my note by now.

"Here." Said Tecie at last. She pulled me into a little section of bookshelves that mostly contained boxes, as well as a dusty looking computer. "This is our file room. Everyone who enters Hell is filed here. We do it all on the computer nowadays, but I'm still uploading older files into the system. But the one I'm looking for hasn't been uploaded yet. Honestly, it probably never will."

"What do you mean?" I asked. But she was already on her way again, this time heading down a series of narrow little book corridors. Finally she came to a dead-end, but then she pushed at the shelf and moved it aside. The room beyond had a mattress, a computer, and a couple piles of books.

"I used to pretty much live here." Tecie said proudly.

Just then, I heard a voice shout from the other end of the room. "Nichael!" Kell barked. "Get over here this instant!"

Tecie sighed. "We have a couple minutes though. They're probably not going to enter this place unless they have to, after all."

She started fishing through the files that littered the floor. At one point, as I was watching nervously, I thought she had found what she was looking for. But she just looked at it, looked at me, looked at it again, sighed, and threw it on the floor.

"I'm thinking I'm actually going to get going." I said. "I don't want to make him angry. I have a feeling he gets violent when angry. Here." I climbed on top of the bookshelf. I felt I could probably just jump my way across.

"Got it!" Tecie exclaimed before I could jump away. "Not quite the one I was searching for, but close enough."

She handed something caked in grime to me. I didn't really want to hold it, actually. It felt gross.

"Nichael!" Kell shouted again. I could see him, standing by the door, and I waved.

"You can't bring that with you." Tecie insisted. "It's way too valuable for Kell to get his hands on. Just read it right now."

I did. And it said:

"Soul research- A. P. Scott.

Subject, hence-force known as 'Subject' brought in by M. Exceedingly compliant, placid. Full memory lapse towards M, me, otherwise seems in perfect health.

Test item: Soul mix #4- AKA GRACE. Highly volatile, deadly to demons. Subject status, by the way: human.

Day log: Day one-

8.00- Subject feels ill. Effects seem immediate, M literally just gave him the shot and he has knelled over ill. No blood yet.

8.30- Subject won't stop complaining about how ill he is. We have locked him in solitary to combat this. M seems pissed off as well.

9.00- Subject requests instrument, upon giving in and fetching one, M reports instant regret. He has begun to fiddle. The walls are not doing anything to stop his fiddling.

11.00- Subject stopped playing a while ago. Is now sitting there, still. M thinks we may have killed him, but past experiments on demons show there's usually more blood.

11.15- Subject is alive. Subject is fine. Subject is going to be alright from now on, it seems. GRACE is a success.

Day two-"

Here I was cut off in my reading by the sounds of Kell swearing frantically at me. It had been a longer time than I had expected. Reading is a daunting task.

"Did you finish it?" Tecie asked excited.

"No. I got to day two in the log."

She grumbled something, and then rifled through the pages. At the very end, she pointed to a few words.

They were:

"SUBJECT NAME: MICHAEL G. LEXINGTON"

I frowned. I think I understood what she was trying to get at here.

"Michael is a common first name. Your words, roughly."

"Right, but you did read to the point where we learn he was injected with something called 'Grace'? You really think that's a coincidence?"

"What?" I said, irritated. "So you just want me to turn against Michael because of- whatever! He is Michael. He is supreme! Even if you hand me documents stating whatever you wish them to state, I will believe none of them. And even if I did believe in them, I would be imbecile to care- Michael is Michael. And I am loyal to him no matter what he used to stand for or used to be. Because even if you want me to believe he used to be a human man, that doesn't change that he's an angel today."

"Consider it, though. And do come back here again."

I was too angry to say much else than "Fuck you," and I began jumping my way across the room. I was too angry to really jump correctly, however, and fell twice.

Kell was standing at the entrance still, and seemed upset with me. "That was way too long."

"Had to deal with some bullshit. I'm fine now, though. I'm going to be alright from now on."

"It's the girl, isn't it?" Kell sighed. I had to wonder what files Tecie had on him.

"I just want to go home."