15:35. 

awoke; drained yet oddly refreshed. and he'd forgotten all about that sensation. not being able to sleep because of the wires fizzling in his brain, and the cells running all night, and all early morning, and lying in bed trying to figure out who you are, after staying up all through the hours, each surrounding element bringing joy and ecstasy to your vision and being. 

he'd got up, and the day proceeded to be an agonisingly boring and troubled one. confusion everywhere. 

the house consumed him to the point where he couldn't breathe properly at times. 

so, the window ledge became a spot where baekhyun liked to situate himself. decided that the view from up here was like a magnifying glass. it enabled him to learn more, try new things, be himself. the thought sounded foreign as it rang through his head; seemed unsure and unstable as it became more natural to him. 

could sense it in his veins. 

tension appeared to narrow and deflect; like the light. 

eyes narrowed, as the sun continued to radiate: pulsate. brightening signals of reverberating amber. each stroke of heat penetrated through the sheltered space, through the glass material, burning a path of fire across the plain of his scorched skin. sat there all day. vibrations could be felt through the tension of yellow aura. 

baekhyun could feel the change; the difference in balance. it was almost tangible in the air. could reach out and touch it, maybe. 

during the day, he noticed, as well, how minseok's attention and focus could cause the fringes of the room to become tinged with a whisper of freezing air, the kind that contrasted immensely to the dense heat resting in between the switches. it was minimal, practically unnoticeable, but he could feel the juxtaposition in his skin. 

perhaps, the glass of water would freeze, and then junmyeon's eyes would freeze, too, swimming and brimming with a deep turquoise that penetrated through the fragile material. a liquid texture of bright, bright blue, contrasting to the black of his widened pupils. his whole stance would alter. and baekhyun would feel it, too, but manage to contain the beaming rays that begged to be disposed. 

kyungsoo, too. his darkened and hardened stare became a part of him that baekhyun had forgotten, but quickly became used to once again, after all of this time. his agitated nature made one wrong move more powerful than anyone else's; his whole body would budge slowly, each muscle pulsing and each joint turning, the stern expression on his face hardening even further. 

baekhyun would almost feel the earth rotating: spinning on its axes, at a faster and more frenzied pace. the blue and the green and the white combining their colours into the blackened circle within kyungsoo's stare. earth and water.

as one. 

the only confusion was her. naturally. 

dreams of her running, and laughing, and smiling, and kissing him tormented his mind. memories of her loving him. that sensation felt ruined, by him. 

he wondered desperately what she was doing at every moment. 

breaking him down. 

but, she still wouldn't answer his calls. 

jongdae knew the information. he couldn't understand why he wouldn't have told him that she was leaving lyon and going home. he'd called him, too.

and, perhaps, he could have predicted the arrival of jongdae by the sudden and incoming cloud cover. grey masses steadily and slowly covering over the sea of beautiful blue, fighting against the power of the sun, the two elements performing a routine against one another. 

the window sill seemed odd, suddenly, beneath him. 

three of them had gone out: minseok, junmyeon, kyungsoo, leaving baekhyun to fill his afternoon with taunting questions and utter boredom. 

his mind was so consumed by selfishness and himself that he hadn't even cared about where the others were going. he felt that he had a purpose, but wasn't fulfilling it. the others appeared on a differing agenda. 

what the fuck was he supposed to be doing?

and he knew the answer to that, of course. he did. 

the sun's rays flowed through interesting patterns, twisting in between their fiery paths. they fell over the sofa, dripping with an overwhelming and brightening presence. seemed inexplicable. 

he'd got up, making himself a cup of shitty coffee, standing by the counter, when the sound of the front door buzzing didn't surprise him at all. his stance didn't alter, the familiar sensation of electricity coursing through his body. felt the fibres fizzling out. 

baekhyun could hear him just opening the door, because they'd left it unlocked. he glanced down at his appearance, with his tattered t-shirt, old boxer shorts and bare feet, cup of coffee in his hand. couldn't quite recall the last time he'd had a shower. definitely hadn't had one this morning. his skin felt tired and worn, and he wondered whether he hadn't gone outside much in the last few days because of how brightly the sun had been beaming. 

change. 

a shadow of grey matter had been cast across the living space, signalling the arrival of whatever was to come. an odd chill ran through his pulsing blood. baekhyun put the coffee down.

preparation. 

the taste of it burned his mouth.

burning.

reminded him he was very much alive; feeling every single sense that penetrated through his fragile and tangible skin. 

jongdae came into his view. 

shadows; a stormy reverberation consumed the tightly constrained room. 

"thanks for answering my calls," baekhyun smirked, adding a quirky smile sarcastically to the end of his sentence. he leant his back against the counter, observing the slow and steady pace of jongdae's steps, as he rounded the corner at the end of the stairs, keeping his eyes on baekhyun. 

his expression was one of interest; not making eye contact at all with baekhyun. hands were occupied, dragging the luggage, the only readable element of his stance being that of the lopsided smile that adorned the curved nature of his expression. 

baekhyun couldn't quite understand. 

the coffee still tasted bad. milky and too watery. jongdae's baggage landed with a thud onto the laminate flooring. tame impala were playing softly and muffled in the background, on the slightly broken stereo. 

it slanted in diagonally: the sun's rays. in between each stretch of golden light was a darkened strip of grey mass. highlighted and emphasised the immense space and dust floating through the atmosphere. 

"yeah, well," jongdae shrugged, stretching his arms behind him, still smirking in an odd and indefinable manner. 

baekhyun threw the rest of the coffee down the sink and let the mug clash against the metallic basin.

"i was helping you." 

he finished this statement, crossing his arms over his chest. 

jongdae appeared somewhat refreshed. adorning a pressed shirt that he surprisingly hadn't sweated through, beige shorts rolled up, clean trainers. baekhyun felt lazy and rather disgusting in comparison. 

"you were helping me?" baekhyun responded, scoffing slightly, copying jongdae's silhouette. 

his mind felt frazzled of all being things. the sunlight and the shit coffee and the fact that he hadn't showered and the questions and the unstable state that each one of them seemed to have occupied. despite jongdae coming across as put-together and in control, baekhyun knew he wasn't. the tell-tale signs were the creases denting his perfect skin, and the trembling fire that cut a jagged line through his pupil. 

still. he'd always been intelligent. 

"yep," he replied simply. 

he pulled his phone out, flicking through something quickly and then chucking it to the side. 

every moment glistened and glimmered in the sunlight, with punctuality and definition. 

it distracted baekhyun. his mind was consumed and full. roma tainted every memory. 

his eyes darted from the lines on the flooring to the altering patterns of light that circled the large but condensed room. 

"how were you helping me? weren't you supposed to be here earlier...or something?" baekhyun pondered, trying to string words together that would cause him to think of anything else other than her. 

perhaps it wouldn't have made a difference whether jongdae had been there or not. 

"maybe helping is the wrong word," jongdae continued. "i was with roma, though, which is really what i was trying to say." 

he stepped forward more, wrapping his arms around baekhyun, as his body failed somewhat, not able to react properly, merely patting jongdae's back awkwardly. 

roma. 

dark hair and sparkling eyes darted across his eyes, and his brain; hot, flashing images. the sound of her laugh and her softly-spoken voice and the touch of her small hands on his burning skin. recalled: the tears stinging her diamond-shaped eyes as he let her drive away from the huge house, away into the desert, destination unknown. 

"yeah. i knew that," baekhyun attempted to respond confidently. 

he tried not to let his voice shake at the recent memory of her not answering his calls or messages. his exhausted and frustrated state caused his mind to wander into a state of mind that was unhealthy and dramatic. jongdae hadn't been answering baekhyun's calls, either. his imagination teased him with images of the two of them...what the fuck was he thinking?

roma wasn't like that. and neither was jongdae. 

sweat perspired beneath his collar, as he unknowingly raked his hands through his hair, ruffling his shirt in the process. his mind was playing games with him. the heat of the sun beating down was really getting to him, attacking his logical thought with powerful and twisted, golden wavelengths. making him think things that he knew shouldn't even be crossing paths in his head. 

"you haven't spoken to her, right?" jongdae was saying, eyeing baekhyun suspiciously and worriedly, eyebrows raised. 

he was acting casual, winding in between the mess to reach the cupboards to grab himself a glass. the intense sound of the water splashing ferociously against the echoing silence was too much for baekhyun, as he used the counter to steady himself and his breathing. 

"no. you know i haven't."

his voice was bitter, probably unintentionally, seething the words. he couldn't shake the image, even though it wasn't true. god, the sun was too fucking bright.

"you have to go to england to see her," jongdae stated calmly. 

he pulled the sleeve of his shirt down. 

"me?"

stupid question. 

"who else?" jongdae laughed, crossing his arms again. 

the sun. it was fucking with his mind, again. all he could envision and feel was the fire portraying splashes of vibrant colour across the blank wall behind jongdae's sturdy figure. 

"i mean, yeah." brought himself back to reality. he shook the hair away from his face and eyes. "...me, of course, but...she probably never wants to see me again."

a blind spot travelled, dotted and sparked, across his vision. it penetrated the deep corners of his eyes, like someone was pressing down really hard onto him. all he could see was deep, scarlet red for a few seconds. ruby, flashing lights. he almost fell over. 

dizzy with confusion, baekhyun regained control of himself. prevented himself from stumbling and falling. the floor seemed to be alight with movement, the lines of the linoleum seemingly dripping with fluorescence. hurt his eyes. 

"you know more than me that that's not true," jongdae responded, voice softening towards the end of his sentence. 

a flow of subdued but colourful emotion stretched across the hardened edges of jongdae's vision. it was as though the black was rimmed with an edge of bronzed calm and understanding. jongdae looked at baekhyun in a way that even scared him. 

"it's about training yourself, you know." 

added to the confusion. baekhyun was suddenly overwhelmingly tired. the thought of throwing himself onto the bed and never waking up seemed plausible. the weight of keeping his eyes open ached his head. 

"what the fuck do you mean?" he retorted, the pain and heartache drowning him. 

that's how the last few days had been spent. the constant and agonising premises and suggestions of what to do that all amounted to nothing meaningful. all four of them, sat across from each other, mulling over the planets and constellations and this new and unknown agitation that sat in the space-dust of the atmosphere, leaving itself to be unanswered, tormenting baekhyun's brain. 

jongdae breathed in a deep sigh. 

baekhyun jerked his head up from where he'd been hanging it. 

"you're in love with her," he resonated. 

love. 

stars shattered. 

everything became unaligned. 

the word resembled forgotten territory. his heart felt heavy in his chest, and the cloudiness and spinning in his mind only confirmed what he knew was true already. 

"so, it fucked things up. but, it's not your fault. and you can control it."

now baekhyun really couldn't let his mind allow things to fall into place. 

the words he spoke seemed to tumble from jongdae's lips as if they really and truly meant and made sense. 

"man, i fucking miss her," he spoke out, quietly and gravely, and before he could stop himself his head fell forward limply onto jongdae's shoulder, eyes squeezing shut.

didn't cry, because he didn't do that anymore, but he wanted to, the tension that it took to prevent him from doing so bringing the taste of blood to his mouth, and creating the frenzied edges of stars around the periphery of his vision. 

jongdae was acting different, being comforting this time. his hand patted baekhyun carefully, and the sun beat down on his back, seeping through his dirty shirt. 

he loved her. 

it beamed harder. 

"it's all about control, and balance. and knowledge," jongdae continued, voice deeper and more soothing. 

his brain prevented him from piecing everything together himself. 

baekhyun looked up, the sun casting bright yellow across the sharp features of jongdae's face. made sense. he had to try and retain that information, even in this abyss of confusion and pain and memories. 

"you just have to fill in all of the missing pieces yourself."

it refracted and replenished, passing over his eyes and mouth, burning in its path. 

baekhyun breathed deeply. 

thought hard.

"you should go to her."

baekhyun knew that. 

his mind filled and overwhelmed him with a flow of feeling. it was okay. things were going to be okay. he looked right at jongdae: transfer and refraction. 

he could see roma. 

the sun was there, radiant as ever. 

realisation: he could fix everything. maybe. tomorrow was always going to be another day. 

the weight of jongdae's hand resting on his shoulder proved him that. 

so, he nodded, and turned to his right, letting his eyes get lost in all of the colours. 

roma.

//