San Francisco. 11:22.

sun.

blazing; scorching; beating down.

baekhyun tried to think. or, rather, to empty his thoughts of any painful distractions. of anything that would make this harder than it already was. he didn't quite know himself what the answer would be.

transient feeling perhaps comforted his troubled mind. he shifted one leg over the other. the heat felt artificial; all-consuming and claustrophobic. trapping him. it was bearable, however. not much choice anyway. the sun would always be there, protruding from the sea of blue.

the city down below from where he was sat, perched on the edge, appeared alight with excitement and crowdedness. full of distractions. things to busy himself with. eyes were following the light, catching people's items, shining elements, metal on their belts, straps of ther bags, as they strolled through the bustling street, reflecting off of the fluorescent yellow. distraction. people and cars and shouting.

eyes glazed over: his pupils widened.

anything else to divert his attention with.

suddenly, everything now appeared before him with more clarity and definition. he leaned forward a bit more, so that his head peered over the window ledge. he could almost taste what he saw; an odd sensation, and different senses. his body retracted against the sunlight. every living and breathing thing seemed louder and with more depth.

baekhyun didn't understand.

he felt himself sigh.

her pretty features cowered over his every thought. every time he turned, or heard someone's voice that sounded similar to hers, he was consumed completely by it. just like he thought; he needed distractions.

felt like a terrible, awful human being for what he'd done. no explanation: nothing of tangible quality. just trust. for a person, that wasn't always enough. maybe he'd truly fucked it all up this time.

his mind swam with thoughts of regret and sadness.

the clear and poignant sound of the front door downstairs being opened, inviting the deafening noise and sound from outside into their current living space, was accompanied by two familiar but almost forgotten voices. muffled, deep tones inundated the resounding space. sound of heavy footsteps ensued, trudging up the stairs, big boots and deep tones. 

baekhyun swivelled in his position.

minseok, who was lying, reclined, on the sofa, also turned his attention away from the mundane pictures and images replaying over and over again on the screen. static energy gathering together. voices continued in their muffled and muted volume.

they both exchanged a serious, apprehensive but expecting glance. as he glanced at his watch, he noted they were a couple of hours late.

footsteps on the stairs seemed to go on forever.

junmyeon and kyungsoo carefully sidled into their vision. stern expressions; creased lines in their faces, the curves dragged down, marks and dimmed features. light was gone. junmyeon had a large suitcase in his hand, and was listening intently with that careful, in-thought expression of his as kyungsoo mumbled quietly, coming in behind him.

baekhyun felt himself gasp slightly.

caught their eyes.

minseok looked unmoving.

"hi," junmyeon's confident and sure voice rang out. quiet, but still authoritative. almost echoed around the lounge.

he dropped his bag to the floor with a loud thud.

baekhyun tried to recollect the last time he had even seen junmyeon. and kyungsoo, as well. must have been at least a few years now, he thought. felt his mouth become dry, heart beating a little bit faster, fearing for the impending confrontation or something. he knew all too well that junmyeon would be well-informed. and would most likely have an opinion, of course.

thanks to jongdae.

time didn't seem to matter; hadn't seemed to change anything.

"hey," minseok and kyungsoo responded simultaneously. both of them were quiet, kept to themselves; had always been that way.

confrontation was difficult and awkward.

memories all flooded his mind.

junmyeon used to always regard these situations with a glassy, serious feature to his eyes. glinting against the light and catching the rays. zooming in and focusing upon importance and concentration.

"hey," baekhyun interjected, with a warmer and more welcoming tone than either minseok or kyungsoo. he got up, too, relieving himself from the position he'd been sat in for what must have been the past couple of hours. stiff legs and back aching. 

made the first move.

enveloped junmyeon into a big hug, and baekhyun was slightly surprised as his confident gesture was reciprocated, junmyeon wrapping his arms almost protectively around baekhyun. he felt okay, for a brief moment. baekhyun was given a hard but helpful pat on the back.

junmyeon did the same with minseok, who was slightly more taken aback, as he got up off the sofa, turning the tv off in the process. kyungsoo looked down at the ground. an uneasy but understandable silence filled the room. expected from all of them. baekhyun sat back down.

"how are you guys?" junmyeon carried on the conversation, in his usual polite and collected manner. it was somewhat admirable, that he was able to ease the condition in this way.

baekhyun looked over at minseok, who shrugged, of course, as if to say nothing had changed. things were okay. perhaps, his attitude was the easiest one to deal with everything. an odd and quite unwelcome sensation expanded across baekhyun's chest, as his plagued mind predicted the impending flood of serious accusations, and dark stares, and raised, angered voices.

came to him suddenly.

the light hit him.

"all good. yeah. for now."

baekhyun knew he'd be the only one to have the courage to speak out of the two of them. he added the final part of his response quietly, averting the gaze of any of the others in the room. found it strange that, even though, a few years ago, they would have all been acting normally--laughing and joking around--now, it was different.

could sense it; currents inter-changing and connecting. re-connecting and organising the cells, creating the thick tension hanging heavily in the humid air. nothing he could do about it. if only there was.

perhaps there was.

hope and light.

"how was your flight?" minseok asked tentatively, in attempt to reassure himself; to distract the tingling sensation that coursed through their sensitive bodies.

minseok's big, black eyes were darting. baekhyun noticed as he focused in more narrowly onto kyungsoo's odd and shy posture. he wasn't looking at anything or anyone in particular.

blame.

"it was fine," junymeon nodded, continuing on in his pleasant manner. "but it was only me who flew over. kyungsoon took a train."

he stated this as he pushed past his bag, heading towards the armchair positioned right by the tv screen. sat down, one arm on each rest, tilting his head back slightly. baekhyun noticed his immaculate fashion; a bright, clean white shirt, pressed trousers, orderly attire. he glanced down at his own appearance: dirty, chequered shirt and ripped shorts, and he wasn't even wearing shoes.

"so, wait, what about kyungsoo? didn't you guys come together?" baekhyun said before he could stop himself.

dark eyes.

piercing and focusing in.

it was odd that it was always silent after that. every time. baekhyun wanted to disappear.

kyungsoo shifted uncomfortably, hands held together, shirt hanging down forlornly from his sagging shoulders. it was all creased and wired, which, baekhyun decided, was very unlike kyungsoo, who normally prided himself on tidiness and presentation. big black eyes. baekhyun felt an odd chill as kyungsoo looked right at him.

"um, i was already here," he stated simply, plainly. just a fact of life.

minseok's eyebrows creased.

"where were you?" baekhyun continued, trying to soften his tone, so as not to cause more anxiety for kyungsoo. he didn't understand. "you should have let us know where you were staying. i've been here for a while, now."

baekhyun almost felt an inclination to get up, maybe pat him on the shoulder. reassure him. kyungsoo had always been the kind of person to quietly observe; his voice wasn't loud and he enjoyed surveying others' actions. content with that. but in recent times, his usual behaviour had shifted. always on edge now, unable to interact properly.

those eyes looked baekhyun up and down again.

"not far. colorado," he exhaled, immediately averting his gaze from baekhyun.

junmyeon glanced at kyungsoo with a worried expression.

baekhyun couldn't understand. kyungsoo appeared fearful of him. his feet shifted his weight and balance. baekhyun nodded in response to him, not wanting to speak anymore.

he pondered over whether kyungsoo had been here, not far from him and chanyeol, for the duration of time that he had. whether that could have perhaps had anything to do with anything. his head was spinning.

as he turned back briefly his attention to the view outside, the sun's rays sharpened. they shone and spread across the busying road; splayed across the cars and people, reflecting off of the metallic and artificial objects. dipped in between the frequencies. baekhyun squinted, creasing the lines in his forehead. focused completely. it went back to normal.

he turned back to them.

"what were you doing there?" baekhyun asked, again, letting the words slip from his mind without even thinking.

bit his tongue.

his mind was flooded and filled with endless questions. statements and explanations that he couldn't possibly comprehend on his own. he'd called jongdae earlier, but it had gone to voicemail. junmyeon's eyes were conducting an analysis; clear and crystal hue, glassy and in effect, watching carefully for kyungsoo's reaction. apprehensive of him, as if one wrong move or word could end horribly wrong.

seemed like silence lasted forever.

"the same as everyone else," kyungsoo replied, plainly and matter-of-factly.

as if that was simply enough.

but he supposed there was no other way kyungsoo could really answer that question anyway. 

"it doesn't matter too much, anyway. we're all here now," junmyeon concluded, adding a soft smile to the end of his sentence.

soft, but uncomfortably unsure.

baekhyun worried so much for her.

tugged at his mind, forcing him to not be able to concentrate properly. baekhyun began to bite his fingernails: nervous habit. eyes darted, searching and finding nothing in particular. he couldn't deal with everyone being here like this.

the sun's rays dimmed, and baekhyun observed as the lamp stood in the corner of the room trembled slightly. underneath his pressured gaze. narrowed his vision, compelling its movements to comply with his demanding vision.

worked, this time.

"we need jongdae here, really," baekhyun mouthed quietly.

junmyeon observed baekhyun with a narrowed stare. baekhyun watched as he thoughtfully chewed the left side of his lip, carefully turning his gaze to either side of him. first to minseok, and then to kyungsoo.

"he's in lyon," junmyeon responded. "he's filled me in, anyway, on...everything."

baekhyun snapped his head in his direction.

"wait, what? why? he was in monaco last time i--"

"he's with roma," he continued.

felt his mouth become dry. he attempted to regain control over his body; not allowing his lips to tremble, or his eyes to show any sign of discomfort or pain.

"how do you know?" he said, somewhat aggressively.

"i thought you would have known, too," junmyeon replied, framed as a question.

baekhyun shook his head.

"no, i mean, how do you even know about roma?"

he wasn't sure himself why he was so surprised. of course he would know. all of them did; it perhaps even explained the stern and apprehensive expression that sunk heavily into kyungsoo's facial features.

minseok shifted in his seat, moving his legs over. baekhyun made eye contact with him; shared a glance, vision switching, time turning.

"wait, but, why is he with roma? is she okay?" he demanded, panic rising in his tone. he got up slightly, the sun gleaming in his vision.

sudden memories, of roma not answering his calls. the missed messages, and the dent that his phone made in the wall as he threw it against the wall. too much. and at the same time, he understood. to say he'd been an arsehole was an understatement.

his head span.

"she's fine, he said. he told me she was packing her stuff and leaving," junmyeon continued. his tone wasn't aggressive, but it wasn't exactly casual. it was more like cautious. baekhyun's current state was unstable and tense.

his first question was ignored and forgotten.

"you spoke to him?! jongdae ignored my calls—and, wait, what the fuck? she's leaving? where?"

baekhyun didn't know how to control his sudden outburst. he was stood up now, fists clenched. observed from the corner of his eye as kyungsoo stepped back slightly, hands raised. junmyeon stood up, too, restraining baekhyun. always having to calm him down.

"okay, baekhyun, chill out," junmyeon urged.

breathing was uneven and rapid: up and down, up and down. too fast.

the clouds darkened to a greyer tint. over-shadowed the people and the city. took over the living room.

light vanished practically instantly. the wind burst through the already-open windows, knocking over a few items from the shelves in the process. felt his veins pulsing, trembling. shut his eyes and counted to three. dark, indigo, blue. a shiver of cold ran down his spine, consuming his thoughts, making it difficult to stop all of this.

"she's going back to england. but that's all he told me," junmyeon explained, hands on both of baekhyun's shoulders.

the light filtered through again. all of a sudden. like the planets rotating.

england.

"fuck," baekhyun seethed through his teeth.

calm; that was his focus. and baekhyun watched his surroundings with surprise as the light wavered but remained the way he desired. a return of control. he felt his heart beat in time to his breathing: balance and control.

he could go back for her.

everything was going to be okay.

it was a dangerous thought.

the others looked on at him anxiously.

breathed.

the yellow light accompanied him with arranging his thoughts and questions; and roma was perhaps the answer. she'd been the answer all along.

sun shone brilliantly.

//