//

he was running. just like before. slamming hard against the corners, arms ahead, reaching for something. for anything.

so dark.

a heavy presence followed him, weighed down his legs. his urgent movements.

darkness clawed at his thumping heart.

he couldn't see.

his head pounded.

all he could hear were the heavy breaths escaping his shaking mouth.

maybe it was a loud sound. from somewhere. far off in the distance. 

lights. lights. lights.

no light.

lights, lights, lights.

where was she?

he needed her.

baekhyun; he swore she was saying his name.

"baekhyun, tell me."

soft, velvet, inquiring voice was speaking, asking the same questions.

i can't tell you. you wouldn't understand, he wanted to say. repetition.

if only he could see.

wrong. something's wrong.

it was a never-ending maze of questions and intense stares and beautiful eyes and why, why, why and concrete dead-ends and darkness.

a light switch appeared, grew larger in size: beckoned him. the click sound of the switch resounded within his ear drum. echoing.

deafening.

black encased him like a dim shroud of weakness.

it didn't work.

alleyway corners of the town square dissolved before his dizzying vision. became black masses of nothing.

any source of light: unavailable.

fuck.

"baekhyun, tell me."

his mouth was silenced, lips sealed together like glue. he couldn't say.

she was smiling at him. pity, maybe. in her eyes. tell me. she was so beautiful.

roma.

can't explain.

darkness weighed him down.

she kissed him.

can't breathe. couldn't breathe.

i can't.

on.

off.

light--

//

02:42.

he awoke sweating, chest heaving uncontrollably, his skin shivering and convulsing under the humid pressure of his small bedroom. walls enclosed himself. the furniture wavered unevenly as a result of his blurred vision. the window was open, letting in a minimal whisper of night air. wet hair clung to his aching forehead. eyes wouldn't open.

breaths were heavy. he inhaled; it hurt his chest.

the nightmarish images still haunted him, even after waking, the darkness of his room trembling with dashes of forced colour. at least, he thought he was awake. it was difficult to tell, the frayed edges of the room blurring before him. eyes squeezed shut, trying to rid himself of the tormenting remembrances.

he was shaking; teeth chattering, hurting his lip. the pillow was moist with sweat, the sheets stuck to each of his legs, his arms, his skin burning.

baekhyun pushed himself upwards, ridding himself of the white bed sheets, untangling them from in between his legs. tried to stand, but his head span and the floor rotated, and he fell back down onto the uncomfortably warm mattress again. brought a hand up to clutch his forehead.

dizzying thoughts. the images: burning.

he didn't even bother to try and turn on the light. or the small lamp on his nightstand.

he knew there was no point.

his skin felt dry and itchy, almost, the heat of the humid night and the heat of his nightmare crawling across his arms and down the back of his spine. it was hot, but he shivered, his teeth biting against his chapped lips. too confined; the dense room made it difficult to just breathe.

tried again.

this time, he managed to steady himself, one hand placed flat against the wall. he shuffled cautiously, edging around the room, using the minimal dashes of light from the street lamps outside to locate his bathroom.

they wavered: flickering.

he wished roma was here.

baekhyun reached the bathroom door, swinging it open to reveal a mess of clothes littering the floor, and the bath filled to the brim with cold water that kai had forgot to drain. he managed to sigh at the sight, kicking the dirty material to the side and carefully reached down to unplug the filthy, left-over bath water. it spiralled down the plug hole noisily, as baekhyun immediately began to tear off the t-shirt and boxers sticking uncomfortably to him.

"ah, fuck," he cursed, as his fast movements caught a few of the painful bruises littered across his ribcage and shoulder.

bare skin and scars; that's all he was. empty. nothing.

carefully, he reached down to touch one, whisper his fingers over the remaining injuries, only to wince at the sensation.

the whole setting reminded him of when roma had looked after him, showering him with affection and care, the first person to make sure that he was okay in a long time. he couldn't call her now. not at this time; not after how short and distant he'd been with her over the phone. he cursed himself again.

baekhyun didn't know why he'd done that. he hadn't meant to, he just didn't know what to do.

tired and naked, baekhyun stepped into the bath and reached for the shower head. feet steadied themselves on the slippery tiles.

tense body muscles relaxed automatically, as the freezing downpour from the shower trickled down his back, his head, wetting his hair. baekhyun spat the water out from his mouth, wanting desperately to get rid of the heat that encompassed his currently fragile frame. water thudded loudly.

the cheap shower was the only sound available within his lonely and empty flat. kai or sehun weren't in. they weren't affected. not like he was. he scrubbed his face vigorously, careful to avoid his healing wounds. cold water was welcomed by his shaking form.

his back almost collapsed against the tiled wall as a wave of nausea hit him. baekhyun groaned loudly, his head throbbing. this was never-ending. all he could think of was how much he needed roma's caring gestures and soft hands to help him, make him feel safe: wanted.

but she wasn't here. he couldn't have her. not now.

maybe not ever.

he couldn't stand this. his body itched, ached, for affection and for freedom.

hours; perhaps it was hours that he'd been in the shower. water trickling down his damaged skin and his troubled mind. goosebumps formed along his arms, his skin quaking slightly, against the pressure.

baekhyun couldn't shake it off, the heavy weight that rested like a hangover on his shoulders. the darkness was beginning to get too much; too fucking much.

he managed to turn the tap off, silence echoing once again.

echoing.

bare feet made contact with the floor, as he searched blindly for a towel. despite the cold water having been showered across every inch of his skin, baekhyun felt that relaxed feeling dissipate, as the humidity and heat encompassed him once again, creeping across his bare torso.

"fuck," he swore. almost falling over, as he managed to regain his balance on the edge of the sink.

he caught his reflection in the mirror. a scared boy looked back at him in return, black circles underlining his red eyes, his mouth hung open. he rubbed his hand over his face, turning away from the glass.

baekhyun wrapped himself with the towel, leaving behind the darkness of the bathroom, only to be met with the same atmosphere in his hallway. light switches were irrelevant. he fumbled obliviously, the sound of his feet resounding on the laminate flooring.

his room was still as stuffy as before. the wind was still and unmoving outside, the draped curtains motionless. although he did feel slightly better after his shower, baekhyun's pounding headache didn't cease to exist.

"roma."

her name escaped his mouth out of want; out of need. he chucked  his towel to the side, managing to find a t-shirt and a pair of trousers, the soft material comforting him. her beautiful face and her piercing, sapphire eyes clouded over his inebriated mind. couldn't stop thinking about her.

baekhyun needed to get out of the confined, square space of his room, his apartment. even the kitchen and the living room had been shadowed into a blackened obscurity. one foot in front of the other, he attempted to manoeuvre forward, aiming for the counter. he poured himself a drink. grabbed the lighter from the draw.

city lights, to his surprise, dotted the horizon, as he stepped onto the balcony, desperate for a breath of midnight air. he had been expecting nothing, no sparkle of colour. the skyline looked appealing; endless. like maybe he could just step out there and escape.

baekhyun didn't normally smoke. the cigarette felt inviting and comforting to him, though, as he pulled it from the packet and ignited the lighter with an orange flame.

he concentrated, praying for it to stay on, for the light to continue burning, despite being in his shaking hold. the amber shone brightly. it worked, allowing baekhyun to light the end of his cigarette. a deep and achieved sigh was let out of his system.

throwing the packet to the side, he breathed in the toxic but welcoming fumes. he relaxed. breathed in and out. counted his inhalations. steadied his breaths.

the strip of noir that lay before him felt accustomed. he was used to it, the twinkling fading in and out of his vision, as if he wanted it to. as if was making it do exactly what he desired, like he used to be able to. 

that power. the electricity within his embrace, between each and every limb. something he felt, something he wanted.

something was wrong with him.

the cigarette soothed him, as he leant forward on the edge of his balcony, legs crossing behind him. it was fairly quiet down below, the winding streets proving to be silenced by the darkness that it mirrored. smoke billowed out from his lips, the grey colour in juxtaposition to the black, swirling and patterning the dark mass.

he sighed.

the tension relieved, letting him inhale and exhale normally. a slight cool breeze rustled his hair, as he shut his eyes.

think, baekhyun, think. he willed his mind to focus, squeezing his eyes, warm smoke in hand. however many times he'd said this, he didn't know what to do.

roma was all he could think of. he wondered what she was doing now. he couldn't help but let jack filter into his mind. he shook it off, telling himself not to be so protective over someone who wasn't his.

these constant thoughts, he couldn't place the feeling. a desire that made his heart pump faster and his lips burst into a smile, when she would look down as her cheeks reddened, and she would tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, and her pink mouth would beam back at him.

a gust of strong wind.

baekhyun heard the front door open, the rusty hinges resounding throughout the hallway. he turned to look over his shoulder.

sehun was walking through the apartment, not in a straight line, stumbling. his black hair was a mess, the sleeves of his white shirt rolled up to reveal his tanned skin. he hadn't seemed to notice the absence of the lights, as usual, too drunk to care. he knocked a plate off of the counter.

it landed with a loud crash.

baekhyun finished his cigarette, throwing it off the balcony. the dark orange ember faded into nothingness. he turned to walk through the french doors, leaving the night behind.

"sehun," baekhyun greeted solemnly.

sehun looked upwards from where he was attempting to untie his lace.

"hey," sehun mumbled. "you alright?"

"no."

baekhyun replied before thinking. but, somehow, he didn't think that he could hide his scarlet-red pupils, or his sweating skin, or the reason why none of the lights fucking worked.

sehun looked up.

"what's up?"

a generic question, one that could not possibly be answered by baekhyun.

baekhyun opened his mouth, but nothing came out. no sound.

"i--"

sehun was trying to adjust his eyesight.

"baekhyun, what?"

he ran a hand through his hair.

"i need help."

"i can see that," sehun said, not fully comprehending.

"no, sehun, you--"

"mate, it's fine. you'll be fine in the morning. go to bed or something."

sehun ignored him, both his shoes pulled off, as he moved around the counter.

he tried to turn the lamp on.

switch.

nothing.

"wait, hang on--"

"sehun, i've lost it."

sehun looked up; bewildered.

"lost what?"

"the lights."

that was all he needed to say.

the wind picked up outside. so sudden, rattling the window frames and battering the thin apartment walls. sehun looked fearful, his eyes widening, darkening.

outside, the lights and ignitions in other people's houses and the street buildings flashed ominously. on and off. baekhyun clutched his forehead, his hair, his face. agony.

"baekhyun, what the fuck's going on?"

sehun shouted. wind shook the flat violently. lights flashed and switched and changed and baekhyun couldn't take it anymore. exhaustion took over his fright. his head seared, eyes burning.

"sehun, wait--"

gone.

all went black.

//

so sorry it's taken me forever, and this chapter is a bit rubbish :( I hope you guys can forgive.

all of your votes and comments make me so happy, lovelies. just wanted to say a thank you to -kaizar who voted for me on the fiction awards, which meant a lot. ily and all your comments made me smile, tysm x