Kiara's POV:

My whole world has just crumbled to my feet. Even although I had the feeling after his message last night this might be happening, there was still this tiny stupid hope left in me, hoping there was a good explanation for it. I was holding on to the string, that he would never cheat. Not after the pain we both went through after both of our partners cheating on us.

Why didn't he just tell me it's over? Why did he keep on lying, telling me he loves me? That it's only business with Nadine. Why did he sleep with me only a day before this? My hope and love were too strong to give up on him and he just went ahead and broke me worse than anyone else ever could.

Even if it kills me even more, I need to know what is written in the magazine. As there obviously was an interview too. Without getting up, I simply reach out to the top of the desk and pull the magazine down. Just seeing the photo switches the waterfalls on again.

Once I've finally got a little control over my tears, I start reading with blurry eyes.

Lost love back together

Reporter: Ms Cole, it's not the first time you've been seen around Mr Arlington again in the last couple of weeks. Does this mean you've figured things out?

Ms Cole: Yes, we did, we've spent a lot of time together in the last few weeks. Our love never died, we just needed to find back to each other.

Reporter: It must have been a very intense time then. From what we caught earlier on this summer you were hardly on speaking terms.

Ms Cole: Well I know I did some great mistakes and Dean realizes his part in this whole thing too. We now know where our mistakes lie in the past and we want to work past it and have a new beginning. We were each other's first proper loves, we realized that's something worth fighting for.

Reporter: So you mean you've found back a lost love

Ms Cole: Oh yes, most definitely. (a huge smile appears on her face, saying these words)

Reporter: What about Ms Summers? I mean they have been officially together now for a couple of months.

Ms Cole: Well she's very clingy and it's been hard for Dean to tell her, especially as she is mentally very instable. It's not my place to tell, but that poor girl has been through a lot in life. Even if he loves me, he didn't want to be responsable if anything happend to her. And I guess he needed some distraction between our relationship, I can't blame him.

Reporter: Does this mean you think she is suicidal or mentally ill?

Ms Cole: Oh I'm not going to judge on this poor girl. It's just we've been working together for a couple of weeks and it was impossible not to notice her mood swings and how desperately she was hanging on to Dean.

Reporter: Only a couple of weeks ago, Mr Arlington and Ms Summers were together on the Bahamas, they seemed a happy couple there. What do you think about the situation and did it hurt you to see the pictures of them together?

Ms Cole: Yes it did hurt to see them like that. But it also opend my eyes and I knew I had to apologize for what I did. Which I did first thing after they came back, that's when Dean and I started working things out. We argued at first of course, both of us were hurt and angry, but it didn't last long until we talked things through and worked them out. We knew we needed each other.

Reporter: So this has been dragging on for weeks? Did Ms Summer know? Do you feel bad for her?

Ms Cole: Yes it started the week after they came back. It was a little ride up and down the rollercoaster, in the end we both knew what we felt. As Dean spent most of the time with me, Ms Summers surely must have known. Do I feel bad for her? Well maybe a bit, but let's be honest the main reason for her to be together with Dean, was the money and becoming popular. Thinking about it this way, I'm glad Dean wasn't being used for too long. He has such a great heart.

Reporter: Thank you Ms Cole, I'm sure we'll soon get to see and hear more from the both of you.

Ms Cole: Thank you, for taking your time. And you sure will.

I feel hurt and so disgusted by the words I'm reading. It's been going ever since we've been back. He wasn't stressed and over worked, he was cheating. All along he was having it off with his ex, while I've been waiting for him.

And suicidal and mentally ill? Im mentally instable and he didn't want to be fault if something happend to me?

How can he even do this to me? This makes me sound like someone who has been gold digging and at the same time is totally instable, ready to jump down the building if I don't get attention. Why the hell did he even bother with me forgiving him after the arguments? He could have saved his breath, had me off his back. And at the same time he could have saved me a part of this pain right now.

Him betraying me like this only makes it hurt even more. And having to find out through Nadine and a magazine makes me feel nauseous. If he ever felt just a little bit for me, how could he do this to me? Was I just a game? Just an interesting toy? Just an adventure as he couldn't control me the way he does others?

My body starts shaking just by the thought of it, while the pain deep inside is coming out in even heavier sobs. It's not just emotional pain, my heart literally hurts. He could have dug a dagger in my heart and twisted it, doubt that could have hurt any more to what I'm feeling at the moment. Why does it have to fucking hurt so bad? Why does living always have to hurt so fucking bad?

I must have been a terrible person in a former life or whatever, to deserve all this constant pain. As I trusted him and listend to him wanting me to stay at his place, I don't even have a place to go now anymore. There's no way I'm staying at his place to listen to him having it off with Nadine. Or to realize how he's staying away all night to be with her.

Was that the only reason, he had been drinking so much lately? Couldn't he bear being near me without being intoxicated?

With my hands I try to muffle down the loud sobs, but I'm nearly sure you can still hear it three doors down the hallway.

My door flies open and closes, steps I know too well pace through my office. As soon as he's cornered the desk I hear him gasp slightly. I don't even dare to look up at him, I know the pain of seeing him would be my death.

"I'm so sor..."

"Don't you even dare say those words", I yell with a hoarse broken voice.

"But I am Kar, believe me. I never wanted any of this to be like this."

"I don't want to hear your fucking words. Haven't you broken me enough? Do you need to torture me even more? All that leaves your mouth are lies, nothing but lies", I cry.

Dean crouches down in front of me. "Please Kar, it breaks me to see you like this."

"Fuck you Dean, you were the one to do this to me. Why didn't you just leave me? Why did you lie to me? You told me you loved me, when you obviously didn't. Why did you still fuck me? Was I a game to you? Is it great to watch your toy break in front of you?" This time I look up and spit those last two sentences as if they were venom.

Dean looks like I slapped him in the face and I wish I had. I wish I could. "You were never a toy Kar, you have to believe me", his voice sounds pleading. "It's just all fucked up."

"Well I've heard that one often enough during the last few weeks, guess that was the only thing you didn't lie about."

The door opens again. "Oh here you are Babe, come on we need to talk about dinner with my dad tonight", I close my eyes and count to ten. The only way out to not kill that bitch by sticking her head between the door frame and slamming the door shut so long until I won't hear a single sound leave her mouth anymore. Yes, that's how she makes me feel right now, with so much hate and rage for her.

"I'm coming soon Nadine, just go", there's anger in his voice again.

"Oh leave that girl to herself, you know this had to happen."

"Nadine, don't push it. Just give me a moment", his voice so strained, I know he's holding back.

"I told you to fuck off anyway", it's my turn to say something. As I don't want to see any of them here in front of me or even hear their voices.

"Let's talk later at home", he whispers. What the fuck? Does he honestly think I'm going to stay there after this being revealed? As simple answer I hold my middle finger up to him.

"Go on, your little dumb as fuck Barbie doll is waiting. Go and make her happy in your office, like you probably have several times in the last couple of weeks", my anger not letting me cry right now. Thank god.

Ok, I feel a little bad for insulting Barbie as we had a great time together as kid. But this bitch definitely has the brains of a hollow Barbie. And well she dresses up as if she were one too. And let's face it, Barbie isn't real and all plastic, which matches Nadine's fake ass very well too. Sorry Barbie, you derseve better people to be compared to.

When Dean doesn't budge, I yell at him once more to leave my office. "Whatever you need cleared with our projects, just send me a mail, don't bother coming in here again."

"Please Kar, it doesn't have to be this awkward", he pleads again, causing me to laugh out loud.

"Yea right, I remember apparently that was the reason you were like that, to be kind around Nadine. You didn't want it to be awkward. I was so damn fucking blinded by you. You even denied any doubts I had. You're even worse than Brad ever was. He cheated, but you denied cheating when I asked you.

And you hurt me more than anyone else ever could have. I really loved you. No fuck it, I love you and that's even worse. Because I love someone from the bottom of my heart with all I am and that hurts like hell. So just get out of here."

Sighing Dean gets up and leaves my office. I'm still crouched down on the floor, but as hell am I going to let those two see what they are doing to me again. Kiara Summers is a fighter and the fuck am I going to let them break me in front of all the other people. This one time was bad enough, I'm not going to lose it here in the office again.

Just as I'm about to sit at my desk, my phone buzzes.

Tyler: I'm so sorry Beautiful, if you need to talk let me know. He's such an idiot!!!

Seeing Tyler's message puts a tiny smile on my face.

Kiara: Can we talk after work? Will text ya what time

Tyler: When ever you want Beautiful

I work through my lunch break like I used to in the past. Not that I'm hungry anyway. Besides I need to drown my sorrow into something productive. Jeez how am I supposed to work on an image campagne for Dean soon, with everything that has happend and is going on? That was one big wish during the board meeting two days ago. Is it really only two days ago? It already seems like ages to me.

The worst thing right now, looking at the photo on my desk, I'm already missing his kisses, his touch his love. Well or what he played well to feel like love. As much as I want to hate him, I can't and that's the worst thing about it.

Why does it have to be her, that he loves? Why do I have to love him like crazy? It would be so much easier if I could just hate him.

I finish work earlier today and call it a day at 4pm. No way am I risking Dean walking in while I'm packing my stuff at his place. Seeing as he mentioned he wanted to talk at home, I wouldn't put it past him, to finish on time for a change today.

Kiara: Meet up at Dean's place in an hour?

Tyler: Sure! I'll be there

I simply stuff all the clothes I bought myself into huge bags and a suitcase. I don't even worry if anything gets crinkled, the main thing is I get my shit quickly packed and out of here. The dresses Dean bought me get tossed on to his bed. I lay the jewellery he bought me on his night stand. For all I care he can give it to Nadine. I don't want anything of his expensive stuff.

My money from the races is all well packed up too, by the time Tyler arrives.

"Hey Beautiful", he hugs me immediately and I can't help but cry in his embrace. "Shhhhh he's not worth it, if he chooses her over you. Honestly, he's such a damn idiot and I just don't get it. I've never seen him as happy as he's been with you, besides the last few weeks."

"Well seems like I was only a distraction for him", I cry harder.

"Oh Sweetheart", he rubbs my back letting me cry against his chest. "So what's your plan now? I see you packed bags."

"I'm going to find a bed and breakfast until I find another place of my own to live."

"You could always crash at my place for as long as you want. One roommate has just moved out anyway, so there's a spare room", Tyler offers.

"Thanks Ty, but this is what brought me into this situation. I was only meant to crash here until I find something of my own anyway."

"Well I'm not Dean, and you could save a lot of money instead of paying a bed and breakfast. Money you'll surely need to get a place of your own."

Tyler has a point, but I'm not going to go dependant on the next person. This is my life and I'm going to get through all of this shit by myself. Sean would help me too if he could, no question at all, but he's sleeping on a couch himself.

Damn I've not even texted Sean back yet. He wrote only shortly after Tyler.

"It's fine Ty, I just need someone who'll listen to me and hates that bitch just as much as I do. Did I tell you, how I found out?"

Tyler is so furious once he hears the whole story and I'm nearly sure if Dean would turn up here now, there would be another massive fight.

"I wan't to get out here like right now, just in case Dean decides to turn up here early to make my life even more of a hell. Want to crash at a pub or something?", I know how desperate my voice sounds, but I don't want to be on my own all evening.

Of course Tyler is prepared to come along immediately and helps me pack all my clothes and other stuff in the car. It definitely is more stuff that I'm leaving with this time, than when I escaped my parents. I did treat myself to a few things.

Being out of that contract with Brad now will definitely make things easier. Sitting at the pub we decide to invite the other three too. Ty said Chris and Nick have already been worrying all day and Sean of course too.

What does catch my even dazed attention though, is Nick and Sean coming together and damn I know that look on Sean's face. I will definitely have to go down on that, when it's just the two of us. Especially the way those two are always taking side glances at each other.

While we're sitting here, over a beer and some good old-fashioned English food, my phone beginns to ring. Dean's name showing up on the display. It's 7pm, so either he's calling just like that from the office, or he has indeed gone home earlier. As it keeps on ringing repeatedly I simply mute my phone.

For a moment I did think about blocking him, but he is still my boss and I can't just block him as at some point it might be work related. After fifteen missed calls and several messages, Tyler's phone rings.

Tyler motions for me to stay quiet and he puts the phone on loud speaker.

"What's up?", Tyler answers very pissed.

"Where is she?"

"Who she? Seems like there are a few more she's in your life at the moment than there should be."

"Don't fucking mess with me Tyler, the porter told me you were here. So where the hell is she?", Dean's frustrated voice echos through the speaker.

"No idea man, shouldn't you be the one to know? I guess if she's not there, she doesn't want you to find her. Not that I could blame her."

"Don't you dare fucking mess with me Tyler. I know you were here last night too, the porter told me. Are you fucking her?"

I nearly gasp and have to clutch my hands tight across my mouth, not to be heard while Sean soothingly rubbs my back.

"You fucking bastard, you pull that show off, messing around with that bitch and now accuse Kiara of cheating? You are unbelievable. How could you even do that to her? That bitch holds nothing on her and you know that."

"Look I don't need your fucking lectures. I just need to find her and know if she's ok", Dean screams down the phone.

"What do you think? How can she be ok after a day like this? She fucking loved you and you crunched her to the ground like a damn cockroach. I just hope she has the same strength as a cockroach, as they won't let themselves be crunched so easily. Honestly, I hope she finds someone who appreciates and deserves her", Tyler blasts off angry.

"Fuck you Tyler", and with that the line goes dead.

"I'm so sorry you're getting in between all this shit. You're best friends and shouldn't be fighting because of me." At the moment I wish, I never mixed in with Dean's friends. As angry as I am with Dean, he shouldn't be losing friends to me. They were his friends from small on.

"Hey don't you dare feel bad about this now. Yes, we're Dean's friends, but as decent friends we also have to tell him when he's doing fucking shit. Right now he's ruining the best thing in his life because of that bitch."

"Well you can't help it who you fall in love with. It's not his fault he fell for that bitch, it's just bad for me that I fell for him. And that I believed the lie, I wanted to believe it. But I will never be her, that hurts but that's just the way it is. The only thing he did wrong is to cheat on me instead of telling me directly."

"Bullshit Princess, that bitch will never have his heart like you. I don't know if he's too blind to see it or too dumb. Only god knows what bullshit she's been feeding him. One thing I know though, he's never going to be happy with her. And as his bestfriend it's my every right to tell him that. And yet we can still be your friends. You belong to us now, you're not getting out of this", he chuckles while pulling me into his embrace. Nick and Chris haven't said much until now but totally agree with Tyler.

"He's a douchebag for what he's done and for not seeing what is right in front of him", Nick adds. "He knows nearly any other straight guy here would wish for the chance he had. Too bad he fucked this up. His loss." Nick's last words remind me of words Dean once said to me about Brad, causing me to cry again.

Tyler and Sean both have their arms wrapped around me, trying to comfort me. "You should finally eat Sweetheart. Knowing you, you've not eaten all day, right", Sean says softly, he knows me too well.

Sniffling my last tears away I stare at my plate. The mashed potatoes, with sausages, peas and gravy sounded so promising beforehand, now I just want to puke looking at them. As they're all nagging at me I try to at least shove quarter of the portion down somehow. Maybe tomorrow I will manage more.

Tyler still helps me to find a decent bed and breakfast, not too far away from work and yet affordable. Hard to believe how much money you have to pay for some shit holes. I better find a place to live fast, otherwise I'll be broke in next to no time. At least I have a bed and a shower for the mean time and I haven't seen any rats or anything here yet. So I guess that's not too bad.

Tyler offers to still stay on for a little, but all I want is to crawl into bed, watch some cheesy or sad movie and cry my balls out. Which I end up doing after a shower. Watching Me before you drowns my own drama a tad bit and I sob loudly all through the sad movie.

During the night I keep on waking up crying after nightmares. Nightmares of catching him with Nadine, seeing them kiss, have sex, being happy together. I don't want to sleep anymore.

******

The last two and a half weeks have been so much torture, everytime I see him in the hallway I feel like breaking down crying. I miss him so damn much, miss his lips on mine, miss to feel him, miss his scent, miss talking to him, miss his arms wrapped around me, miss his breath against my skin, miss waking up next to him, damn I even miss our stupid fights. I simply miss every single thing about him and I hate it so much to feel this way. I hate being helpless in love with the guy I can't have.

I've spent a lot of time partying and drinking way too much, drowning out my sorrows together with Ty and the others.

Nadine's smug face never fails to taunt me day by day.

Reaching the elevator at the end of the shift I'm so lost in thoughts, that I don't even realize Dean. It's not until both our hands reach out to press the button and touch each other that I realize him. It's like sparks are flying through the air as soon as his skin brushes against mine, Dean breathes in sharply and our eyes meet.

Something flashes up in Dean's face, pain? I'm not quite sure what it is, Dean has always been hard to read when he tried to hide and everything I believed I could read was proven wrong anyway. "Sorry I wasn't watching", my hand draws back quickly. And Dean looks taken aback.

"Kiara", he breathes, as if it had a meaning to him, but I know better. I've seen all the photos on the net and covering the magazines. I've read all the things said about him and Nadine and about what used to be us.

All I was, was a very welcome distraction from the person whom he really loves but had hurt him so bad. Well now I'm the one left behind broken and hurt and honestly, I don't know if anyone could ever fix that again.

"Kiara, at least talk to me. You don't read my messages. Just because we're not together doesn't mean I don't care, please I worry about you", he whispers, probably afraid his bitch love could hear it or someone who would tell her.

"Don't", I croak out.

Fuck the amount of stairs I need to get down to the parking lot, anything is better than standing here next to him or even worse sharing an elevator with him. Tears streaming down my face I run down the stairs as fast as I can. All I need to do is get out of here.

A/N: So much heart ache, writing is so damn hard right now. But hey, stories get boring if they're only lovey dovey right?

Here's you're chance to shoot, what are you thinking about Dean at the moment?

And what about Nadine's interview?

Love ya, take care. Next update hopefully tomorrow as I have a few appointments to go through.

Please comment and vote, it means so much to me. Here comes the song that was playing on my mind the entire chapter.