Song: Untitled - Simple Plan

The food we have the next day is strange. Actually, I'm not even sure if it's real food. It's shaped like a mini sausage, but the texture is hard enough to be some type of plastic. Every bite is a challenge, but it eases the aching in my stomach.

   After spending weeks thinking every meal is our last, hunger seems to have started controlling us. We're like wild animals; even the mutant turtles are acting less civilized than usual. Coming up for air is not an option until our plates are clean. Or, in this case, until our tin cans are cleaned of the odd meat.

   As I let out a sigh of relief from finally chasing off my appetite, Lucy rises to her feet beside me.  She looks down at me, her long blonde hair falling around her face.  She gives me a tiny, white smile; though it's slightly more faded than usual.

   "Want to go for a walk?" Lucy asks as her dog nudges her forward.  "Lilac is killing over to stretch her legs."

   Lilac lets out a bark to confirm her words.

   I nod and stand up as well.  I smooth my top down and follow my best friend out of the cramped and humid cave.  Relief floods over me as a cool breeze engulfs me into the forest air.  The green trees and luscious grass smell of asphalt, giving the illusion that it rained overnight.  A few yellow leaves litter the ground, reminding me that it autumn is just around the corner.  Thank goodness it's not here yet, though.

   Lilac leads the way with her trusty nose, sniffing out any dangerous that may lurk behind the undergrowth.  Her fluffy tail wags, smacking into the occasional tree trunk as she discovers an exciting scent.  Her happiness is almost contagious, though the circumstances don't permit me to be very joyful.

   As I walk alongside Lucy, I become aware of her change in behavior.  She walks stiffly and without feeling, something that is completely unlike her.  Her eyes are unfocused and her cheeks flushed, as if she's been heavily debating something with herself.  Lucy isn't one to argue amongst her mind, so this greatly worries me.

   "Luce, what are you thinking about?" I question as Lilac pauses our group to leap inside a berry bush.

   Lucy hesitates, keeping her eyes on the blue sky.  Then she sighs and says, "Do you think the turtles have bad intentions?"

   I raise my eyebrows, surprised for her to be thinking of something so serious.  Then I remember how hard she had argued about killing the Shredder, and I understand why.  She's concerned about morals.

   "Not all of them," I admit, the ghost of indigestion haunting me as I think of one of the turtles in particular.  "But Raph definitely gives me some suspicions."

   Lucy's head snaps towards me immediately, her light eyebrows wrinkled in curiosity.  "Do you dislike him?" she asks in her quiet, smooth voice.

   I snort.  "Yes," I respond without any second thoughts.  I can't stand a single bone in his body.  He drives me up a wall.

   Lucy narrows her eyes slightly.  She seems to be considering something before she launches into another question.  "Why do you dislike him?  Give me your top reason."

   Instantly, my mind swirls with a dozen responses.  I can stand here all day listing off every small fault that crazy turtle has.  She only asked for one, however, so I pick the first one I think of.

   "He argues with everyone," I respond promptly, my fists clenching at the thought.  "It can be any topic, and he'll fight with someone on it.  Even if he doesn't understand it, he still has the nerve to speak out against it."

   Lucy raises a single eyebrow. "Char, who else do we know that does the same thing?"

I pause for a moment, letting her words sink in. It takes me a bit, but I soon realize she is referring to me. And as usual, she's right.

I shuffle my feet. "Well, that's not the only reason I can't stand him. He's also super annoying when he jumps in on his friends conversations to defend them. It's stupid that he always tries to make everything into his own fight," I say as I cross my arms.

Lucy doesn't seem surprised at this observation, either. "He just wants to protect his friends and family. You do that as well. You're always there to defend Casey and me, remember?" she reminds me gently.

I blink. Ok, maybe I do jump to defending the ones I love just as fast as Raphael. I guess it's a bit hypocritical to avoid him for that reason.

I think for a moment, then spit out another reason. "He's too much like me," I say, lifting my head confidently. "And I don't trust anyone that relates to me."

Lucy tilts her head slightly. "Why not?"

"Because I know what they're thinking," I explain, realizing I'm going a lot deeper into my heart than I mean to. "I know the dark pits that lurk at the edges of their minds. It's a scary place."

Lucy blinks, looking a bit touched by my words. She puts her small hand on my shoulder and looks me in the eyes. "You've trusted yourself to lead you this far," she replies. "You've allowed your mind to wander enough to find your brother and save me from starving. You have even let yourself defend yourself against anyone that didn't believe in you. If that's not trusting yourself, then I don't know what is."

For once, I'm speechless. I just stare at her, my mind whirling with this new information. I never really thought of it that way. I always thought I just had to keep carrying on. I never stopped to think that I actually do believe in myself, that I really can accomplish big things.

Lucy squeezes my arm gently, her head nearly leaned all the way back to look up at me. "So if you trust yourself, you should give Raph a chance as well," she concludes with a tiny smile.

I study her, wondering what could be going through her mind. How does she always find the good in everyone? And how can she stand a pessimist like me? Does she see good in me as well?

"Why Raph?" I suddenly ask.

Lucy, who was turning away, spins her face towards me again. She appears a bit startled at my question. "What do you mean?"

"Why are you so determined to defend Raph?" I clarify, closely watching each of her movements. She's acting a little off, as if she's hiding something.

Lucy pauses, as if weighing her words carefully. With a filter obviously placed over her words, she replies. "I think he's got more potential than we can see right now."

I narrow my eyes, but I don't comment. Maybe she's right. Maybe he deserves a proper chance at proving himself.

Lucy's expression shifts to one of sincerity. "So, do you dislike Raph?"

I know she's trying to trick me by asking the same question she did earlier. But this time, I have more to consider in my response. So many sympathetic and truthful statements whirl around my mind like the earth in its orbit. And when it all waters down to my response, I can finally say,

"I don't know."

~*~*~*~

   As Lucy, Lilac and I arrive at the cave, the atmosphere has changed dramatically. Everyone is awake and buzzing with life, obviously eager to end this reign of terror over us. Our return seems to be a trigger to start discussing battle plans.

"We agreed last night that we can't flat out attack the Shredder," Leonardo announces, standing up to look down at everyone. "We need to be stealthy about how we approach him."

"Are you saying we need to be deceitful?" Elizabetta asks skeptically, though her eyes shine with determination.

Leonardo gives a single nod. "In order to conquer the enemy, we practice their tactics," he responds boldly.

I feel Lucy tense beside me. She doesn't seem to think that's a very moral way of handling this, and I can't help but agree. Still, I want revenge on the Shredder for all that he's put me through. I'll do whatever I must to get my hands on him.

Lucy isn't the only one uncomfortable by this. Even April's eyes are shifting with concern, her freckled face faintly pale. "Doesn't that seem a little dark?" she points out lightly.

Raphael turns his piercing green gaze on her. "Nothing is darker than what that freak did to Master Splinter," he retorts.

   "We can get someone on the inside," Donatello suggests, ignoring the tension in the room. "They'll need to figure out patrol times so we know when the organization is least protected. Also, they'll need to figure out security protocols so the rest of us can sneak passed and get inside." He elaborates with so much confidence that it obviously isn't the first time this thought has occurred to him.

   "But you have to be careful," Donatello warns. "If they catch one whiff of your intentions, they'll bury you before you can say 'I surrender'."

   "Who would even want to say that?" Raphael growls lowly from beside me. I hear murmurs of agreement from the others- except Lucy, of course.

   "I'll go," Slash rumbles immediately.  "The Shredder can recruit me and I will find a way to relay messages back to you."

   "No, my friend," Leatherhead protests.  "Shredder will not believe you.  We would not steal our friends from his grasp, only to turn around and submit to his rule.  He will not be convinced."

   "Then I'll go," Casey puts in.  "I've... I've been in cahoots with him before," he reminds us, his face wrinkling up at the thought.  "I already denounced my position in his crazy army, but he won't question it if I go back."

   "No," I say immediately.  I will not lose my brother to him.  I refuse to watch another family member die in the midst of this madness.

   "Char's right, dude," Michelangelo puts in, fiddling with his thumbs.  "We can't let you go there.  He won't take in a traitor.  Shredder will probably slice you up and serve you to the dogs!  No offense, Lilac," he adds with a glance at the dog.

   Lilac barks and wags her tail to show she isn't offended.

   Leonardo glances at Karai, who has been silent up until now.  "Will you get on the inside of Shredder's lair?" he asks cautiously.

   Instantly, Karai slithers backwards.  She ducks her head and shakes it slowly.  "Disgrace..."  she hisses softly.  "Won't... Be... Convinced..."

   Leonardo's eyes fill with sadness for a moment.  Then he turns away and glances around the room.  He stays silent, because he has no idea who to suggest now.

"I'll do it." Raphael startle. me by his reckless decision. I turn on him immediately, an angry flame lighting inside of me.

   "Are you not paying attention?!" I snap. "You would be just as obvious as the rest of us. We have prices on our heads, for Pete's sake!"

   Raphael narrows his green eyes and glares at me. "Well, someone's gotta risk their life! And besides, I have a plan." He turns his gaze on his brothers. "I'll take all three of your bandanas with me to make it look as if I defeated you. I'll give them to Shredder as a gift and tell him I'll serve him and whatnot. He'll have to believe me after that."

   "I don't know, bro," Michelangelo hesitates as he touches his bandana with his fingertips. "This thing is kinda important to me. Without it, I feel... Naked..." He shudders.

   Everyone pauses for a moment to stare at Michelangelo in disgust. Then I break the silence.

   "That'll never work," I retort.  I know Lucy told me to be nice to him, but that's impossible when he's acting like an idiot.

   Raphael looks at me daringly. "Do you have a better idea?" he asks with a hint of sarcasm dripping from his lips.

   "As a matter of fact, I do," I lift my head higher. "I'll go."

   Lucy lets out a soft gasp beside me.

   "No," Raphael responds immediately.

   I ignore his interruption and continue on. "Shredder and his henchmen thinks I'm a weak little girl that lost her father, so he'll never suspect-"

   "No," Raphael repeats stubbornly.

   I glare at him. "Why not?"

   "Because I don't trust you to stay strong when you're put under pressure," he spits. "You'll blow our cover and this hideout the first chance you get."

   "Will not!" I argue. He is so irritating! After all this time, he still doesn't believe I am taking matters seriously. I have tried over and over to prove myself, and it never seems to work. It isn't fair! Why do I have to try so hard just to be seen as a regular human being by him?

   "Will too!" Raphael shoots back with an immature flick of his bandana tails.

   "I'm the only chance you have," I insist. Why is he being so difficult? It's not like he cares about my existence. He has made that abundantly clear with all the 'I hate yous' we share.

   "No, you're not," Raphael responds viciously. "I have a way better chance of pulling it off than you do!"

   "Do not!"

   "Do too!"

   Leonardo scrapes one of his katana blades across the cave walls, creating an awful, ear-piercing noise. Raphael and I instantly fall silent and look up at him.

   "Both of you can go," the blue leader decides.

"But-" Raphael and I both start to argue simultaneously, but we are interrupted.

   "Enough arguing," Leonardo goes on. "It'll be more convincing if there are two survivors. What are the odds of Raphael finishing us all off without help, anyway?"

   I have to admit that he has a point. "Alright," I say with a nod.

   "Raph?" Leonardo's voice is deep with a warning attached to it. If Raphael doesn't agree, then he will be ordered to stay behind. The hot-head doesn't have a choice.

   Raphael groans in frustration as he stands up. "Fine," he grumbles.

   Leonardo appears to be satisfied. "In the meantime, the rest of us will start discussing battle tactics. I have a few ideas on what to do once we get inside." He removes his bandana, revealing his facial turtle skin, and puts the material in Raphael's open hand. "Let's hope this makes it convincing."

   Donatello and Michelangelo copy their leader by removing their bandanas as well. They give them to Raphael, Michelangelo hesitating more so than the others.

   Raphael closes his fist around the cloths, bids everyone a stiff farewell, and stalks out of the cave. I sadly watch him go.

   "Good luck!" Leonardo calls after him; but if the hot-head hears, he gives no sign of it. Leonardo sighs and turns to me. "Once he cools down, tell him our meeting point is the roof of Mr. Murakami's. Report there once you've gathered some useful intel."

   I nod. "Bye," I say, casting one last glance at Casey. I see sadness flicker deep within his eyes; maybe he still cares about me. Maybe he isn't mad at me for lying to him anymore. But that doesn't matter now.

   Lucy engulfs me in a sudden hug.  "Do you really have to go?" she murmurs, her eyes filling with emotion.

   "You know I do," is the only thing I'm strong enough to say.  I'm aware this is very dangerous, and I know she's going to be worried sick.  But I have to do this.

   "Be careful, ok?" Lucy asks as she finally pulls away, her neck craned to look up at me.  She takes a step back to show that she won't stop me.

   I smile a little, even if it's a bit grimly.  "Ok," I agree.  Then I tear my gaze away from my best friend and turn around.

   I head after Raphael, my stomach churning with nerves. Good-byes trail after me as I trudge on.

  With a sinking feeling, I wonder if I'll ever see any of them again.