What a fine day for some book reviews yeah? Good morning to you author.

I'd like to start off by saying how much I'm enjoying your book so far. Though, if it's not complete, and if you're just on a hiatus for now, it's completely okay to just label your book as ongoing for the time being.

Beginning my review, I'd like to first point out that I do really love your form of writing. You're really good with descriptions, giving enough for the imagination but at the same time not to the point it's overwhelming.

Your mc is very interesting, and reading about her way of thinking and how she went/goes about her current life was enjoyable to say the least. Her personality is different from most mc's I usually read about and I think that's why I like her so much. She's extremely manipulative, and doesn't end up falling for the first man that wants to help her, instead killing him, and thinks only for herself and freedom. I believe she had still been hopeful for a savior but after the death of her father and having spent the time she did getting sold off, along with realizing Captain Aaron wouldn't be able to save her, she decided that she had to be her own savior.

Moving onto my concerns:

The first concern id like to bring to light would be in the first chapter, during the scene where Kiara is playing with a flame, you make her question what's occurring as though she doesn't understand, but afterwards it's brought to light that she knows exactly what she is and exactly what the flame was. I don't know if the line I mention, "What is happening to me" is intended for something else, but the way it's placed comes off as confusion from her viewpoint.

Secondly, besides simple grammar mistakes, like misplacing a period with a comma, not placing a period at all, and no capitalization for needed words at times, my main concern would be the pov switches throughout the story as well as the wrong tense of words used at times. Since your story is mainly third pov, just make sure it stays that way. I figure it wasn't done on purpose, but it comes off poorly to readers.

As for my concern with the tenses, I just mean when you use the word moves instead of moved, or cheers instead of cheered. If most of the writing is in past tense, I suggest trying to stick with that.

You also do this thing where you separate a character's dialogue sometimes, and I suggest just simply combining them because it reads a bit weird and can confuse readers. An example would be:

"Kiara!"

"Good work this morning, my girl. It's quiet downstairs now, the parade is starting. Why don't you go down and see if you can drum up some business for later?"

"I'm sure you'll find more at the parade!"

A way to fix this would be to combine them sorta like:

"Kiara!" Verva greeted, "Good work this morning, my girl. It's quiet downstairs now, the parade is starting. Why don't you go down and see if you can drum up some business for later? I'm sure you'll find more there!"

-It's not perfect, but this is my suggestion and it does help with making it read better/not confusing readers.

My last concern would be the confusion I got towards the end of part 11. It was kind of just like a switch to her past without any clarification or proper closure of what happened in Coldmore. Maybe it was just the way you went about the end of the chapter and then the preview chapter. I don't think you needed to add in the bits at the end of part 11 and I don't think you needed the preview portion as well. I'm hoping, since the book is still continuing, that when you come back to writing you'll start where she ends up after Coldmore, or during her retreat from Coldmore. I'm guessing though that part 12 is just her recalling a part of her past wherever she currently is in the story though. So it'll be interesting to see what happens from here.

Now onto your rating:

Story flow/plot: 5. Even though your chapters are short, I actually really like how you're going about the story. Things happen, but they move smoothly and are very timely.

Grammar: I'd have to give it a 3. You have great descriptions, and your writing is very beautiful, but the grammatical mistakes are constant and I can't overlook them.

Dialogue: 4

Creativity: 5

Overall rating: 17/20

I highly suggest just going through and editing. You have a great story so far, take your time and make sure everything looks to part. Regardless, good job and I hope to read more.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to review your book.

@99problemstosolve