Good morning/afternoon. It's always a good day for a review.

Now let's get started.

Ok, so right off the bat, my main concern would be the pace of your story. I feel like you were too eager to get her reborn you forgot about building up the life she had before it. I was left very confused, heavily disappointed and a little bit angry if I'm being honest.

Your story is all over the place and there's a huge amount of stiff dialogue, plot holes, and rushed parts that make absolutely no sense(mostly in the first two chapters). To give some examples: Where is she in the beginning of the story? A party? Why is she there? You mentioned her coming out of a stall in the beginning so I don't think it could be a party at a house? Why is Jack so mean to her?

It would've been better if you had taken the time to properly portray her life before her rebirth, had her still visiting her grandma at the end (but not yet going through the door, just to give readers a breath), and then in the next chapter have her going through the door after a confused conversation with her grandma. (Or her grandma could have pushed her through the door because Priscilla wasn't sure/willing to go through, because, obviously, she doesn't understand what's going on)

I won't question the grandma not telling her fully what's happening because you told me it's revealed later on, but the way you build your story up to that point is very important. Priscilla is also a bit TOO accepting when she's reborn, and...I honestly don't like that. In situations like this, people tend to do a bit more questioning as to what the hell is going on. I mean she literally just got teleported to a whole new time period for crying out loud.

I also immediately noticed the whole "author's pov" at the start of the story to maybe mention that it was Priscilla's birthday? There are a TON of ways you could have better shown this and if you would have taken your time with the chapter I'm sure you would have been able to mention it a few times. In short, the "author's pov" was extremely unneeded.

Your grammar wasn't that bad, you had moments where you would add unnecessary words to sentences and some sentences were just poorly written in whole, but overall it wasn't too bad. I think it was mainly in the author's pov part and a bit more in the beginning afterwards. I would suggest separating the dialogue in the first paragraph of Priscilla's pov so it's not all bunched up in that one paragraph.

Your third chapter was honestly amazing, I love how it was written but your first and second chapters hurt. The first chapter was rushed, the second was confusing and the pov switching throughout the story in general was unnecessary. I do believe the third chapter was kinda just thrown in though. Is she remembering her past so suddenly? I don't understand why you would have decided to reveal it then without warning?

I would also like to point out the blandness of your character's personalities. I couldn't get in tune with any of them honestly. You don't give me much to go off of and the pacing of your story did nothing to help this.

And I mentioned this before, but the pov switching is extremely unnecessary. Write in one pov and stick with it please. It can become draining for readers.

Your rating:

Story flow/plot: 2

Grammar: 3

Dialogue: 3

Creativity: 4

Overall rating: 12/20

My biggest advice would be to obviously take your time. You're very eager to get to parts and it comes off extremely rushed when you go around needed parts or jump to certain events. Properly think about your plot and edit it in a way everything will flow smoothly and pace at a slower speed. Your story idea is good, I can understand what you're trying to do, just please, slow down.

I thank you for giving me the opportunity to review your story, and I hope to read more in the future. Thank you.

deviljooniefics