Good day, author.

I would like to firstly apologize for the long hiatus for my review shop. I'm not a slow reader, not at all, but honestly I do think a bit slowly. It's like books marinate after I read them. I had a lot of personal stuff I was dealing with but things should be better now.

Now, let's get into the review.

Id like to start off by pointing out the similarities your book has to comic books, animes, or those old school superhero "cartoons". I don't see too many people going this route and it's been a long time since I've read a story like this in general.

I really enjoy the magical aspect of your world and the idea of your story is very easy to follow. I also think the multiple povs really help with the image of your story.

Your first chapter was a bit overwhelming though. I can understand you have a lot of characters you want to include and introduce, but it can be a hassle for readers to have to keep up with that in one go.

I also don't understand how Jayden and Diana's conversation in the first part of chapter one was seemingly overlooked. If Jayden and his brother had no idea who Diana was why did their conversation imply Jayden did? Maybe rework that a bit?

I feel as though you could do some fixing and rearranging of some of your descriptions. To me, some things that need further describing sometimes are left alone. For example, the location of the secret elevator down to the training area in Jayden and Andrew's home, and some fight scenes.

Speaking of your fight scenes, they're pretty straightforward, slightly underwhelming and could use a bit of spice sometimes. For example, maybe adding in a menacing stance from Andrew surrounded by popping lightening after Diana crumbles to her knees in their one on one? Though, I can't really complain much about it, because it's a very black and white book with lucid action.

I also have a hard time differentiating your characters personalities. Aside from about two or three characters, most of them seem to harbor almost the same personality and flow.

You have a lot you want to put out there, and I completely understand that, but I would suggest taking more time to step aside from the plot and think more about how to throughly express some of your characters.

Another suggestion would be to practice when and when not it'd be a good idea to add detail. Sometimes even the smallest bit of detail, like posture, tone, and expression, could add a great deal.

Onto your rating:

Story flow/plot: I'd have to give this a 4. My reasoning would be the flow is fine, but sometimes your plot seems a little stale and wild.

Grammar: 4

Dialogue: 4

Creativity: 2

Overall rating: 14/20

Again, I believe you have a lot you want to offer in your story, and I think that's completely understandable. I suggest just taking a step away from the plot to focus on your characters and imagery more.

I truly believe you could do wonders with this story, and I'm excited to see where you take it.

I thank you for giving me the opportunity to review your story, and I hope to read more in the future. Thank you.

UnlimitedSW22