"Who looks at someone's ears when they're talking?"

"I can't see, I've been squinting all morning."

"Do you want to hear about my cereal?"

"Snapchat is just the government adding our faces to the system."

"No, not really, just dying."

"Thanks for stalking my life."

"Can I just draw ducks everywhere?"

"Yea, like the end of the world in 2012."

"How does one eat old people?"

"You're staring into my soul, man!"

"Why is a calculator more than a desk lamp?!"