"Oh please, Yugi, you know I don't think you understand that you could literally invite me over to sit on your floor and watch a shitty movie. I'm really not hard to please, aibou. You don't even have to feed me! Very low maintenance boyfriend right here. I just need to get the fuck out the house and spend time with you," Yami snorted, rolling his eyes. "So, sneaking around over here or going out on short five-minute dates or something? Great. No complaints."

"Well...I'm the same. But...not with the food part," he muttered, blinking and looking down. "You had better fucking feed me."

Yami chuckled in amusement and went to wink at him as he said, "Oh, I can feed you, trust me" but accidentally ended up blinking instead.

Yugi snickered and smiled widely, raising a brow slowly. "Oh, koi, did you just wink at me with both eyes at once?"

Yami nodded after a moment, smirking. "It means I find you twice as attractive!"

Twenty minutes later, Yami met the parents and the first thing that came out of his mouth was, "You know, I like it when people with prescription glasses misplace them somewhere" after spotting the lenses that Yugi's father sported.

His parents stared for a long time.

"Because then they're forced to go around looking like they're suspicious of everything in the room," Yami announced just as boyfriend's eyes widened and his own red ones narrowed. "'What about you, cabinet? Huh, you sketchypiece of shit? Did you take them?'"

"And here I was worried it would be me that made the fool of themselves," Yugi commented so quietly that they almost didn't hear before Yami's head snapped around and he blushed harshly, opening and closing his mouth before looking sick to his stomach.

"Um, well...I was thinking that we would...eat in, especially now," his mother announced, frowning slightly and giving Yami a slightly disapproving look while his dad kind of smiled but made it look more like a grimace that had the red-eyed teen's stomach flipping violently.

Oh.

Fucking.

Gods.

He had just fucked up, not even ten minutes into meeting them.

Life was just getting to be too fucking hard.

Yugi turned his head and smiled at him suddenly, asking, "How about we go watch TV for a few minutes?" in which Yami nodded immediately and both of them scurried out of the kitchen and into the living room.

"Um, Mom, wait, what did you get for dinner?"

"I was going to make beef-"

"Yami is vegetarian...He only eats fish and chicken and turkey."

Both his parents looked at him as if he had begun speaking Latin in the most demonic voice anyone could ever possess, appearing almost heartbroken and sick to their stomachs and just plain terrified by this news.

"I...Okay. I'll go back to the store," his mom said uneasily, staring at Yami as if he was going to sprout wings and breathe fire at any moment. "Maybe we can have salmon or something..."

"You do like salmon, right, son?" his dad asked immediately after, staring at the red-eyed teen as if he were some kind of foreign species.

"Yes...I like salmon...a lot."

"He likes all fish but cod, right?" Yugi asked, glancing at Yami who blinked twice.

"And squid...and octopus...and anchovies."

"At this rate we might as well just buy a freaking pizza," his father grumbled.

"Dad!" Yugi snapped sharply.

Both his parents stared at him in pure shock for a moment before glancing at Yami who blinked and blushed after a few seconds, opening and closing his mouth before turning away to stare at the TV as if mesmerized. By the gods, why couldn't something actually good be playing for once?

"Allow me to join you on your trip to the store," his dad announced, blinking once before they both wandered off.

"Oh my gods."

"I should have warned you. Dad is, uh...super sensitive about his glasses."

Yami blinked slowly. "I think I need to go throw up some..."

"No, it's okay. I promise it is."

The red-eyed teen shook his head. "I can't...Yugi, that was not..."

"My parents are all about eating meat," Yugi said with a small frown, shaking his head slowly. "They...You being a vegetarian just threw them."

"No, Yugi, you don't..." Yami shook his head more violently and swallowed so hard that he almost vomited from the motion. "I can't do this..."

"Yami, please," Yugi mumbled, moving to wrap his arms around him and press his cheek into his, breathing a little harder. "It's not...I promise it's okay. I just didn't get the chance to explain to them any of what was going on and now they're just...sulking a little."

"Yugi..."

"I promise it will be okay. You just have to stick it out or they'll really disapprove of us being together," Yugi whispered. "It's an intimidation technique, anyways. My dad always said that if my spouse couldn't handle the situation when it got rougher than average or something like that, then they weren't worth sticking by."

"Sounds like pretty sane advice," he admitted, feeling sick to his stomach.

"So, if you run, it's all over as far as they're concerned, okay?"

Yami nodded slowly and pressed a little bit of weight into his cheek, leaning forward some more and going to kiss his forehead thoughtfully; he could stick this out. "As long as I don't end up vomiting, it's all good...r-right?"

Yugi snickered softly and kissed his cheek. "I don't think you'll vomit."

"You obviously don't know what stress and fear do to me."

"I would assume that's what made you like that on the rollercoaster."

"That and the food. I needed something better and stuffed myself with candy and soda. Not a smart move on my behalf."

"Wait, so you knew that you would end up vomiting?"

"Well...yeah, of course I did."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because then you wouldn't have gone on the ride."

"You willingly vomited for me just to go on a ride?"

Yami opened and closed his mouth before nodding with a small shrug. "I did."

Yugi blinked and snuggled into him after a long moment; this beautiful bastard. "Thank you."

"Anything for you."

"I love you."

"Love you too."

"Now we just...await my parents' return with bated breath."

"Mm, of course."

"You know, you certainly are a stressful little aibou to have."

Yugi grinned. "Stress means it's actually worth it."

Yami chuckled and stared at the TV screen where he saw some alligator going up against a tiger over a carcass. "Yeah."

The tiger won its meal back after ten minutes of struggle in which Yugi's parents finally walked in and his father huffed, "He can watch animals eating each other but he won't eat meat himself. What kind of craziness is this?"

Yami ignored him while Yugi shot him a glare that made him turn away with another huff and his mom rolled her eyes and started to turn on the stove.

"Just stay calm, okay? Don't let them stress you out."

"That's impossible to do now."

"So, Yami...are you religious?" his mom asked twenty minutes after they had gotten home, two minutes into a rather joyfully silent meal that Yami had been savoring; damn her for popping his bubble.

His eyes widened drastically; oh gods, dinosaurs versus again... "Uh...n-no?" he managed around a hard swallow.

"Don't mind her," his dad interrupted, turning on them immediately and really staring at Yami as if he could see into his soul with those glasses of his; the red-eyed teen supposed that would be the only benefit of such large lenses. "I swear she has no tact."

He offered a small, weak smile, hoping and knowing without a doubt that the subject would not be dropped.

"So..." He leaned forward, making sure to bite into the salmon on his fork as if it were more than just fish, only succeeding in making Yami so happy that it wasn't because he didn't want to see that shit tearing when he bit into it; the good thing about fish was that it didn't tear like other meats. "Why aren't you religious?"

"Why, for the glory of Satan, of course!" His eyes nearly popped out of his head with his statement and Yugi dropped his fork next to him; for a second he thought he was going to say he was joking or reprimand him but instead he turned his head and blurted out, "All hail!"

"Hearsay the morning star!" Yami cried, opening and closing his mouth and trying hard not to speak again; no wonder Yugi had such trouble with this. It was so impossible to stop...

"Celebrities ain't got nothing on him!" Yugi exclaimed immediately.

The taller teen blinked and then reached over and clamped his hand over Yugi's mouth, leaning forward to whisper in his ear. "Could you just...discreetly stab me under the table?"

Yugi's parents both gave him pityingly awkward smiles, as if they had been suspicious of Yugi's little trait being infectious and Yami wanted to protest this but fought back that urge immediately; how sane would it seem if he accused them of that while he was holding their son's mouth and feeling the blood under his skin as he blushed so violently against his palm?

Oh gods. Oh holy fucking gods!

They were judging him now!

Oh gods, he had stopped the conversation and now they were getting to be judgmental and stuff and...!

He jerked his hand away from Yugi in order to gesture wildly, eyes wide as he cried, "I didn't convert him, I swear! He worshipped before he knew me!"

"I like Pentagrams!" Yugi said immediately.

"Ha!" Yami exclaimed, pointing.

"They're like...regular stars but with lines!" the smaller announced, drawing one in the air for a second and making Yami's rationality fly out the window as he blurted out, "He-He convertedme!"

"They taught me how to at school!" Yugi said too loudly, looking at Yami with wild eyes for a second; oh gods, they were going to go insane at this rate.

"See? I told you he shouldn't date so young," his mom whispered, leaning over to talk to her husband with her eyes on the two teens, pity and confusion and just plain disappointment shining there.

"If children don't date young they might die from hormonal buildup or turn into prostitutes!" his father objected softly, not quite whispering but not murmuring either. "Or, in our case, he'd be the one paying for the prostitutes!"

Yugi's head snapped towards his boyfriend. "You're a prostitute!" he shouted awkwardly.

"H-huh?" Yami sputtered, gawking at him.

His mom closed her eyes tightly and her husband covered his mouth, laughing around his palm and shaking his head slowly while Yugi quickly clamped his hands over his lips with his eyes darting around wildly for an escape route.

"I think...my brain just stopped..."

"Does not compute," Yugi blurted out.

"Keep your satanic sayings to yourself!" Yami cried, turning on him and huffing.

"All the worship!" the smaller teen screeched, opening and closing his mouth and then burying his face in his hands before Yami weaseled his fingers under his palms and covered his lips, which somehow led to Yugi mimicking him on his face, both of them looking at each other awkwardly.

"Well, um, okay. That aside-"

"Tell me, Yami, have you ever wanted to be baptized?"

Yami blinked a few times and Yugi slowly pulled his hands away from his mouth, turning wide eyes on his boyfriend who mumbled, "...That's like...where you have to get wet...right?"

"It's where you wash away your sins and embrace God," his mother supplied, with a clear look that said they both needed Jesus.

Yami frowned. "But it involves getting wet, right?"

"Well, you're washing away-"

"Does it involve getting wet or not?" the red-eyed teen interrupted immediately; he didn't care about the symbolism. He wanted to know if there was actual fucking water getting on his skin involved with this.

"Yes, Yami, it involves getting wet," Yugi's mother sighed, already knowing the answer.

"Then no. I don't like being wet."

"But you're Mr. Coffee with an automatic drip!" Yugi blurted out before covering his mouth with his hands again.

Yami felt his eyes nearly bug out of his head. "Iknew I shouldn't have ever let you listen to my iPod!" he cried, making his boyfriend's face turn bright red as he ducked his head and wished for the floor to open up beneath his feet.

His father was gawking, sputtering, "What areyou? A sexual deviant?"

"I can't help it!" Yami protested immediately, voice taking on a slightly whiny edge. "I'm hormonal!"

His dad's eyes nearly popped out of his head and Yami literally found himself imagining them knocking his glasses right off his nose so that they hit the table and he was left half-blind and gawking at him like an idiot. Then he was squinting at him because he couldn't see his face and growling out, "What the fuck did you just do, son? What the fuck is this? You sketchy little shit! See what you did? You took my goddamned glasses. Sketchy little shit."

Oh gods...was he talking out loud?

His mouth opened and closed and Yugi saved him when he cried out, "You and me, baby, ain't nothing but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel. Getting horny now!"

His parents gawked as if they had never seen him before in their lives and Yami was struggling to keep his head on straight; had he spoken out loud or not?

But more concerning, was the fact that Yugi was about to belt out another lyric from The Bad Touch and he couldn't let that shit happen again.

"Oh my Ra! Stop singing that song!" he hissed, covering his mouth and feeling Yugi mumble around it with a soft and thoroughly embarrassed, "I can't help it. It's so catchy!"

"I know. It's my theme song," Yami stated casually.

Yugi continued blushing, whispering, "We shouldn't be allowed to meet new people" as if it were some kind of new realization.

"It should be a law," Yami agreed quietly.

"C-can I just...uh...go upstairs and smother myself?" he mumbled, pursing his lips.

Yami leaped to his feet eagerly. "Allow me to join you!"

Yugi nodded just as eagerly and both of them dashed off for his room, slamming the door immediately and making Mrs. Motou turn to her husband, voice mocking as she drawled, "'Oh, he's not too young, sweetie. He's not too naïve.'"

Mr. Motou blinked. "Those words sound familiar." His wife groaned and shook her head and he huffed, "Hey, you're the one who wanted kids! I told you I wasn't ready!"

"I should have listened to my gut when you said you wanted to name him 'Gotham'."

"Hey! Gotham is a brilliant name!"

Both of them sat in silence for a long minute.

"...You think his awkwardness reflects on our parenting skills?"

"If it does, we'll say he's adopted."

"That's horrible!" his wife gasped, shocked.

"He'll understand," her husband objected.

Mrs. Motou stayed silent for a moment. "His grandfather raised him."

"Deal!"

Yugi shook his head and sighed, putting his chin in his hands while Yami sat in front of him and sighed out, "I'm sorry I couldn't keep from...doing that. I tried. I just...I really can't deal with important authority figures. I...I really suck at even attempting it."

The smaller teen looked at him and smiled weakly, eyes soft despite the tension in his spine. "It's okay, koi," he murmured, reaching out and brushing his fingers over his cheeks. "You tried. That's what I asked you to do."

SassyYugi I love you for recommending this book!

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