I'm dead.

I died of laughter.

I'm sorry.

You guys are now going to die with me.

Yugi stared at the sixty-nine with the threat of tears pricking his eyes. By the gods, he had been a point away from passing. He could have passed if he hadn't missed that one stupid question.

"Oh my god," Bakura snickered beside him. "Dude, is that a negative number?"

Yami flushed and ducked his head, staring at where his grade said -13. "Shut up, Bakura."

"How did even manage that?" Malik laughed, leaning forward and peeking at the test, laughing harder. "What the fuck, Yami?"

"Shut up," he snapped, blinking at the paper and then flipping it over when Yugi glanced at it. The smaller teen took a moment to realize what had appeared so wrong with the top of the paper.

"You...you actually managed to spell your name wrong," he whispered, blinking in shock and rubbing his eyes hard. "Oh my gods."

"Shut up!" Yami whined pitifully. "It...it was an accident! By Ra, you all are assholes."

"How do you manage to spell your namewrong?" Bakura howled. "It's your name. And it's only four letters!"

"I had to stay up all night with Milky Way, damn it," Yami snapped, crossing his arms and pouting. "She was sick and Mana was convinced that she had eaten Mr. Fuzzy so we were looking for the rat and trying to get Milky Way to take her medicine, okay? Fuck off."

"Aw, Milky Way is sick?" Yugi asked, eyes wide with concern. "What happened?"

"I don't know yet. She isn't eating properly."

"Did you ever think she decided to go on a diet?" Malik snorted, laughing when the smallest teen's eyes grew impossibly wider. His red-eyed cousin shot him a furious look and Bakura snorted, rolling his eyes. "I mean, maybe she thought she was too fat."

"Do you want to fight, bitch? You don't call my cat fat," Yami snarled, sitting up and narrowing his eyes into slits. "I will destroy you."

"No fat pussy," Yugi mumbled absently, putting his elbows on the desk and his chin in his hands. "Only skinny pussy."

Yami sputtered loudly at his side and the other two burst out laughing. Yugi shot them a confused look and then groaned and buried his face in his arms. His boyfriend awkwardly patted his back while his cousins continued cracking up.

"Yes, Yugi, only the skinny...pussy," he snorted, covering his mouth with and shaking his head. "Milky Way is still a skinny pussy cat."

"Say that again," Bakura laughed, poking his shoulder. "Say 'pussy' again."

"What? No. Why?"

"It's hilarious how it sounds-"

"Pussy is a funny word," Yugi commented, leaning back in his seat and pursing his lips as he looked at Yami. "Because it's so weird when you say it but also because it's the name for a cat. A cat, Yami, a cat. Like...with whiskers and a tongue and claws and stuff. Pussy cat. And then there's the word cock. Like...it's a rooster and a penis. I don't...it's weird."

Yami groaned in the back of his throat. "Oh my Ra, Yugi," he muttered.

"Like, there's Excalibur and then there's Christ," the smaller boy continued, nodding and looking at Yami's crotch for a second.

"Christ?" Malik asked slowly, glancing at Bakura and then Yami as the red-eyed teen's spine went rigid and his cheeks colored. "What is he...?"

"Seto's," Yugi said, confused, glancing at them. "He named his too. Yami's is Excalibur and-"

"No, no, stop," Yami said immediately, shaking his head wildly. "Oh my god, Yugi, stop."

"But-"

"You mean to tell me that Seto named his dick after someone in the bible?" his silver-haired cousin commented, raising a brow at Malik. The blond's eyebrows shot up and his purple eyes narrowed. "Where the hell were we?"

"High," Yami spat, bristling. "You two were high."

"What? I've never been...Oh," Bakura snorted, laughing after a moment. Both he and the blond shared an awkward look, giving weak giggles and swallowing hard. "Yeah, that."

"Yeah, Count Stupid, that."

"Shut up, I wasn't the only vampire!"

"Oh my god," Yami muttered, covering his face. "You are not a-"

"Shut up. I was-in the moment."

"Fucking Ra. You were never a vampire." He gestured around wildly. "You haven't evendressed as one for Halloween, Bakura. Think about that for a moment."

"Dude, I would be too great a fucking Dracula to dress up as him," he snorted dismissively, rolling his eyes and smirking when Yami narrowed his gaze. "You have no idea the power of my awesomeness."

"You're an idiot-"

"Wait...Christ-Jesus Christ!" Yugi muttered, spinning on his boyfriend and grabbing his shoulders. He leaned forward and Yami's eyes nearly popped out of his head, cheeks turning bright red. The smaller boy breathed against his lips and lowered his voice. "He named his penis after a curse word!"

The taller boy blinked and then laughed, startled and unsure of what else to do. "W-what?" he asked, bewildered.

"It's a curse word," the smaller boy stated, nodding and then blinking. "Oh gods, he cursed his own penis. He...wow, he cursed his penis. No one will love his penis now."

Yami opened and closed his mouth, narrowing his eyes before furrowing his brows and shaking his head. "Yugi, that's...What?"

"Ssh," the other boy muttered, covering his mouth with his hand. Something hard touched his torso in the position they were in but he guessed it was just Yami's hand. He watched the taller teen's face continue to darken in color but ignored it, chewing his cheek. "Wow. He's a real antisocial no-dating kind of guy, isn't he?"

Yami let out a low croak of a groan in the back of his throat. "Y-yes?"

"That must be lonely," Yugi muttered. "So lonely."

"Mmhmm..." He immediately moved to lean forward and hunch his spine to look interested in his test. His boyfriend glanced at him for a moment and then snatched the stapled mess away from him, looking it over.

"Oh my god. You really did spell your name wrong," he giggled. "Hello Yam Semen."

"No, stop that!" Yami whined pathetically. "We don't speak of this...catastrophic event."

"Then we also don't speak of the vampire incident. No one knew they were weed brownies, okay?" Bakura snapped, huffing. "If we had known-"

"You would have still eaten them. Don't even kid yourself," the red-eyed teen scoffed. "You would have-"

"Are all fifty of you here?" Ms. Chono announced as she walked into the room; Yugi quickly handed him his test back and his cousins fled to their seats.

"Fifty?" Yami echoed, turning his head and looking at the others in the room. A long low whistle left Bakura's mouth and the other teen turned around again, blinking. "Holy shit. There are fifty of us...Only fifty?"

"Ha, Yami, this is just the first two periods," Bakura snorted.

"Oh my god," Yugi whispered. "Quick, Yami, count how many are in our class and I'll count the ones that aren't."

Both of them spun around and started counting off before turning back and facing each other.

"Thirty," Yugi stated, grinning widely.

"Yes!" Yami cried, giving him a high-five that Yugi happily reciprocated, both of them beaming. "We are not part of the majority! Our class is smarter!"

"Too bad you bring down their average," their teacher quipped, both of them blinking and ducking their heads. "Honestly, what is wrong with you two? You start dating and this happens?"

"In my defense...I've always sucked at math," Yami argued, chewing his cheek. "I just...I can normally bullshit my way through and it's not working so well right now."

"Did you just say you bullshit your way through my class?" the redhead asked, narrowing her eyes into slits.

"...Actually, I bullshit my way through life," the red-eyed teen stated, shrugging slowly. "And since I am required to be here, this is yet another thing that I must bullshit my way through."

"He is the master of bullshitting," Bakura stated, nodding eagerly.

"All hail," Malik agreed.

"Who are we hailing?" Yugi asked, eyes wide as he looked between them. "Is it Satan or Steven?"

"Oh my god," the silver-haired teen snickered. "Wow, Yami, this is impressive. You've actually managed to scramble his brains that much."

"I...I am a god. I bullshit and I am a god," he mumbled, blushing as Yugi turned his head with wide eyes.

"Wait, I thought Steven was god and you were some kind of demon and Milky Way was Satan," he cried, eyes growing wide and distressed. "God, Yami, keep your stories straight! I'm starting to get whiplash trying to keep up!"

"It's refreshing," Ms. Chono drawled, "just how seriously you take this situation. You two are very close to failing this semester all because of this test. Do you really want to joke about this? I suppose you can try to bullshit your way through the make-up class right now, huh, Yami? I mean, I don't know very many students that misspell their own names as well as getevery single question wrong on a hundred-question test."

Yami cringed and glanced at his test as laughter started up from behind him. Bakura and Malik smirked but turned away and Yugi gave him a comforting glance.

"You shouldn't be laughing, Weevil. Until you can learn the difference between spelling a caterpillar and a cantaloupe," Ms. Chono scoffed. "At least he didn't take fruit and turn it into a disgusting little bug."

Some laughter started up at the statement but Yugi still found Yami glaring at his paper as if he hoped it would disappear. Yami glanced at him from the corner of his eye, narrowed his gaze, crossed his arms, and sulked. The smaller boy couldn't figure out whether to find it amusing or try to comfort him.

And he had an idea he would fail at the latter because he was still kind of fixated on the idea that he had forgotten how to spell his name. How did you do that?

"You get stressed," Yami sniped at him, hissing under his breath. "You get stressed and you spell your name wrong, okay?"

Yugi blushed slightly and ducked his head. "Sorry." He paused and then grinned. "Even if I took the 'I' off my name, it would be my nickname!"

"Yeah, well aren't you just so lucky-"

Yugi sprang at the other boy in an attempt to grab the sheet before he could but Weevil had his grimy paws on it before he could even really move. Yami spun on him and tried to snatch it from him but he moved away just in time. Both of them swapped looks and then glowered at the turquoise-haired boy.

"Ha, you fucking moron!" he howled. "How do you spell your name wrong? You realize it's only four letters, right?"

"My pet was sick, you little brat," Yami snarled. "What's your excuse for naming a delicious fruit a disgusting bug?"

Yugi watched Ms. Chono narrow her eyes and lean forward from her place behind the desk. It wasn't a secret that she loved to listen in on arguments between the students. Sometimes she even provoked them all into it.

"Are you having some identity problems, Yam?" he sneered.

Yami got to his feet, baring his teeth. "Would you like to have your face rearranged, Weevil?" he snapped, snatching it from him and throwing it onto the desk. Yugi scrambled to grab it and pull it under his, covering them both with his arms crossed. "Your mother won't recognize your dead body."

"My mom is dead."

"Aw, so I guess you're going to have an early reunion."

Yugi caught him by the bottom of his jacket and held him back as Weevil stepped backwards several times and looked ready to pee himself. "No, no, Yami, none of that. We're in enough trouble as it is."

"I just want to break him a little," the other hissed, though he didn't move. Yugi wasn't sure if it was because he was attached to him or if he was too tired. Honestly he didn't think that it mattered as long as he stayed back.

"Get back to your seat, bug," Chono drawled, unimpressed and waving him off dismissively. The other boy glanced at her unhappily, shot Yami a smug look, and then wandered to his seat. The taller boy glared after him and then took a seat while Yugi kept the papers pinned under his arms.

"Um...can I have my paper back?"

"Fuck no," Yugi muttered softly. "No one's seeing it anymore. Just me...and my paper...on top of it...um..."

Yami blinked and then rubbed his eyes for a moment. "Well...that's an awkward little innuendo if you squint mentally," he commented in a slow drawl. "Is it flipped over? Are the names pressed together? Cause then I can pretend that they're making out-"

"Yes, Yugi Motou and Yam Semen."

Red eyes widened. "Oh my god, give me that fucking paper."

"Nope."

"Yugi, I have to change the name-I need to make it right!"

"Wow, so I'm guessing Yugi isn't laying on his back yet," Weevil sneered from where he was seated behind them. Rex burst out laughing and Yugi's face turned bright red in horror.

"Told you he was a prude," the other boy snickered.

"Oh please, you couldn't ever get laid," Malik guffawed, turning around to look at them. "A girl would have to be in her death bed to even fucking consider it. Ugly ass little bitches. They would have to wonder why the fuck they can't feel anything in the first place."

"'Is it even in yet?'" Bakura cried in a falsetto.

"'Are you even trying?'" the blond responded.

"'What the hell is that? Are you really trying to tell me that that is a dick?'" he laughed, throwing his head back.

"'God, a bug could fuck better'."

"'No wonder your species went extinct, dino breath'."

Yugi burst out laughing, covering his mouth and glancing between them and his boyfriend. Yami had his mouth covered with a hand, fingers over his lips, snickering softly.

"Wow, your girl voice sounds so real," Weevil stated sarcastically. "I almost thought you reallywere one."

"And now we see that Weevil is confused about his sexuality," Yami laughed, gesturing grandly towards the turquoise-haired boy. "So openly confused."

"At least I'm not going to take it up the ass," Weevil spat before glancing at the other two. "And Bakura looks like a girl anyways. You all look a pack of transvestites anyways."

"Damn it, Weevil, stop being a little bitch," Bakura hissed, rolling his eyes.

"Spit or swallow," Yami snapped, spinning on him once more.

Yugi opened and closed his mouth and then furrowed his brows. Was he supposed to throw something out there now as well? They didn't seem to be waiting or anything like in TV shows or movies but it still made him wonder.

"Isn't that the advice Yugi should be giving you?"

Yami stayed quiet for a moment, tilting his head and shrugging. "I'm sorry, is that supposed to be an insult? I don't see a problem with that."

"So you are the bitch!"

"Do you even know the concept of how sexworks?" he scoffed, turning his head and giving him a skeptical look. "Do you know that you'resupposed to give them orgasms or is that concept completely foreign to little bugs?"

"You know, I think that even if he manages to get laid, it's going to be a fucking mantis that does it," Malik snorted, rolling his eyes.

"And no one will ever hear his horrible tale of lost virginity via mantis because his head will be bitten off very professionally," Bakura snickered loudly.

"I love how life works with bugs," the blond said with a wide grin. "The guys almost always get killed. I mean, why not? Just fuck the males. Kill the males. Eat the males. Because they are justdone with the entire concept of sex to have children. Just done with it all. Males? Who needs them?"

Yugi snickered and Yami shook his head, smiling in amusement.

"That's why all the bugs should become gay so that the women will become so jealous they'lltry to get in another guy's pants but it wouldnever happen. So then all the bugs would just die off and wouldn't life just be great?"

"Humans couldn't survive if they didn't exist anymore..."

"Hush, life would be amazing without the bugs."

"Bakura, no, that's not-"

"Yugi, yes, that's how things work."

Yugi scrubbed his face with his hands. "None of you are good at science, oh my god. All of you suck at science. Why do you all suck at science? Why am I the only one who's good at science?"

"You seem especially quiet today, Yami," Weevil snickered, leaning forward in his seat now that Yugi was distracting the red-eyed teen's cousins. Bakura and Malik were vicious when they got on a roll and he wanted Yami riled up on his own. He was far less likely to butcher him now that he was so tired. "Don't have any good comebacks? I think you're getting a little slow, don't you? Need your cousins to fight your battles for you now?"

"Shut your vagina," Yugi spat furiously, bristling as the turquoise-haired boy glared at Yami and then turned to him with a shocked look. Yami shot his boyfriend a surprised glance and turned his head to face Weevil for a moment; wait, had he said something?

"Oh my god," Malik muttered, nearly falling out of his seat with laughter.

"Ooh, someone's rigid," the other boy laughed, turning to the blue-violet-eyed teen. "How cute. You're trying to protect him."

"Go finger fuck yourself," Yugi snapped. "Or do you use your fucking bug toys to do it for you? Bug-shaped dildos are probably the only friends you have."

Rex burst out laughing and covered his mouth while Weevil glared at him angrily.

"See? Even Rex isn't arguing that. You're so far into fucking bugs that he won't even stand up for you."

"Yugi getting vicious," Bakura laughed. "Fierce little fucker. Yami must be rubbing off on him."

"Remember how he got with Mai at the mall?" Malik asked, growing extremely excited and leaning forward in his seat. "I so hope he starts in on him like he did her."

"Her crotchal region stunk, okay?" Yugi scoffed, turning to them with a slight blush on his face. "I had to warn him before he made a horriblemistake!"

Yami tapped his shoulder lightly and the other boy turned his head towards him. His cheeks grew a little pinker but he looked far happier with the eye contact. "The what region? She had a stinky what region?"

He flushed and bit his lip.

"The crotchal region."

"The...the what?"

Yugi looked over, whispering softly. "Like Excalibur is waking up in the crotchal region."

Yami opened and closed his mouth once before staring at him for a moment. "That statement shouldn't make me horny but...somehow itdoes." He paused. "And the word 'crotchal' makes me very oddly happy."

"It's an awesome word," the smaller stated, nodding. "Crotchal."

"I approve of this new word."

"Good." He nodded a few times and then turned away to glance at Bakura and Malik who were snickering and shaking their heads. "What? It's a fun word. Crotchal. Crotchal. Crotchal.Crotchal."

"Yeah, say that in front of a few other people and tell me how it goes," Bakura teased, leaning forward slightly with an eyebrow raised flirtatiously.

"I'm actually really tempted."

"Tell me who that works out for you, yeah?"

"Work out? I exercise alone, thank you," Yugi muttered, blinking before blushing when he realized his response. "Um...let's pretend I didn'tjust say that, okay?"

"Been there, lied about that."

"Okay, good. Glad we're in agreement."

"We are."

"Good."

"So, you're not going to say anything worth listening to?" Weevil commented, laughing when Yami turned his head towards him. "I thought you would have something to say. You're normally so on the ball with everything."

"I'm not in the mood, Weevil."

"How about we talk about how badly you failed. Negative numbers are really hard to come by, Yami-or should I call you Yam? Since you seem to respond so much better to being called a sweet potato. How about just Semen? Does that one work for you? Do you like being called by sperm, Yam? Yeah, I think I'll start calling you Yam Semen. I mean, that is the name you put on your test. You respond so well to that entire name."

"And you respond well to the name of a fucking dung beetle."

"A weevil is not a dung beetle, you incompetent moron," the turquoise-haired boy growled. "A weevil is-"

"No one gives a shit," Yami snapped. "I don't care about bugs and no one else does either."

"That's because all of you are unaware of the beauty that is the insect world," he snarled, bristling in response.

"And apparently you are unaware of your ability to be a supreme little bitch," Yugi spat, bristling and glaring at him furiously. Yami's mouth dropped open and his eyes nearly popped out of his head, gaping at him.

"Oh bitch, please-"

"I bet you're a real disappointment when it comes to shooting off on time or in the right direction."

"Oh, be stilled my beating heart," Bakura cried, hand to chest and head thrown back with a loud sigh of happiness. "He just brought dishonor on this bitch's game."

"Hot," Malik purred, holding his hands up immediately when Yami's head snapped towards him and his lips curled back.

Yami blushed for a split second and then bit his lip, nearly drawing blood. By the gods, Excalibur really was rising in the crotchal region. It was awkward but Yugi fighting with him was hot. It was definitely hot.

"All right, get out your books and shut up," Chono snapped, rolling her eyes. Yami and Yugi both scrambled for their backpacks but the smaller had to lean over him to get the bag. He brushed against Yami's hipbone and reached for the tan pack at his feet. His legs tingled and felt on fire where he touched him and Yami felt as if he was dying with anticipation now.

He straightened, pulling his backpack into his lap and putting his book on the table. Yami followed suit a second later, holding his book far too hard to be necessary. His knuckles hurt with the grip and he prayed to each god in existence that the blood would return north.

Bakura looked at them for a moment and then smirked widely, snickering, "Ha, oh my Ra, Yugi, you just gave him a boner!"

Yugi jerked a little in surprise, confused and wide-eyed, glancing at his boyfriend who spat, "Fuck!" He watched Yami press his textbook into his lap and glare at the tabletop in frustration.

"And he's sitting so close!" Malik teased, snickering. "Look at that. No wonder he's so bothered. Bet they've got some under-the-table action going on."

"I hate you both you fucking assholes."

Yugi couldn't stop blushing, opening and closing his mouth and then jerking his head away to stare at the wall. Oh gods, how awkward was this?

"How did you not notice that?" the silver-haired teen snorted, laughing before he suddenly lowered his attention to Yami's crotch and back. His smirk turned smug and took on an awkwardly Grinch-like approach to it. His eyes narrowed and his lips curved up a little too far, mocking laughter swirling in his gaze. "Ooh, cousin has a baby dick."

Malik howled and the teacher turned around, snapping, "Malik, Bakura, Yami, Yugi, pay attention! I will not repeat myself because you four idiots decided not to listen to instructions the first time."

"Who said anything about having to listen to them?" Bakura sneered in a cold drawl. "You're literally writing them on the board."

The other students burst out laughing and Yugi blushed furiously, ducking his head as Yami groaned and shook his head, putting his forehead in his palm. Malik fell out of his seat with laughter while his brown-eyed cousin snorted and drummed his fingernails on the tabletop, scoffing softly.

"Bakura-"

"I didn't know we were on a first name basis, Minikui," he snapped, turning around and glaring at her, narrowing his eyes slightly and putting his left elbow on the table with his face in his palm. "By the way, what kind of parents name their child that? Ugly. How lovely. I mean, it's not so far off the mark. Can't be. Otherwise you wouldn't wear so much makeup."

"Get the fuck out of my class. Get out."

Bakura burst out laughing and grabbed his book and test to flee out the room just as a whiteboard eraser was aimed for his head. Yami and Malik swapped looks and burst into snickers before turning away again. Yugi shook his head and giggled with his face covered.

"Seriously, you guys? I thought you were smarter than that. Does no one in this classknow what comes after 69?" she snarled in exasperation twenty minutes into the lecture. Yami wondered vaguely just how long this would take and Yugi spent a moment staring at her marks on the board. He couldn't answer for the life of him. He had missed that grade by one point and now it was impossible to think straight.

"Mouthwash," Bakura announced, poking his head in and grinning widely.

"Get the hell out of my class and stay out, damn it!"

The silver-haired teen laughed loudly and closed the door again as the others all cracked up.

"Keep laughing, and I swear I'll make this make-up test happen on the fourteenth in the public library," she spat. "No, you know what? I'm going to do that anyways. Instead of being with your little brat hookups for the day, you're going to be with me in the library, retaking this test. Let's see how long all of you last after that."

Anyways
vote,comment
until next quote
Fangirl out