THIRD POV

"Y/n, do you wanna grab lunch with me before my team returns to Tokyo?" Bokuto excitedly asked her.

The practice match ended a little longer than usual and both teams did heated rallies from left and right, but Fukurodani still won. Inarizaki's coach offered Fukurodani to rest at the school and the clean showers—so they won't watch a cold when they leave.

Bokuto made sure he finished first in able to ask Y/n to hang out before their departure. Fukurodani gave him frowns, obviously wanting their captain to focus more on priorities rather than Y/n. Sure, she's a nice person and had helped as manager when she was a first year in Fukurodani–but it's not enough reason for the owl to give excessive kindness and attention, getting distracted as he did so.

The girl pretended to fix notes on her clipboard, "Ahh, Bokuto-san. I can't. I'm really sorry. Maybe next time?"

"What? Why?" He sadly asked.

She looked up from the clipboard and to him, "I'm busy."

The boy gulped, an idea came into his mind.

"B-But...Akaashi will be there too...? And it'll be just us three..," He desperately tried to convince her.

Her eyes brightened up though not very obvious at the mention of Akaashi, "...He'll be there?"

"Yeah," He gave a fake smile, obviously hurt at how she insisted on coming just because of Akaashi.

She pretended to think about it though she already made up her mind, "In that case, of course I'll go. Miya could learn a thing or two from Keiji as a setter anyway."

He frowned, "I thought you were busy though?"

"I can always finish it by the end of the day."

Lie. She only told him she was busy because she didn't feel the need to hang out with him. Only for Akaashi. At least that's what almost everyone in the room thinks.

Bokuto gathered courage, "Y/n, why do you hate me? You only care about Akaashi—what about me? Aren't we close? What happened to the 10 year old Y/n I knew?" He asked, feeling of hopelessness laced in his tone.

"Bokuto-san, you ask dumb questions," She sighed and rubbed her temples with her fingers.

He felt a little annoyed, "Dumb how? Come on—work with me here Y/n. I'm doing my best, please answer me honestly."

"Honestly? Fine," She put the clipboard down on the bench and crossed her arms.

"I don't particularly hate you—but I don't like you that much either, you're a little clingy sometimes, Bokuto-san. We're still friends. But there are just boundaries that you can't seem to stay put from," She said with no pauses, not an unnecessary movement shown.

Speechless. He couldn't believe what he just heard. The boy could feel his heart pumps slowly decreasing, a disheartened expression was threatening to explode on his face.

He felt like the girl he liked and almost loved just bluntly told him face to face that Akaashi is more superior than him.

"And you used to call me Ko, too," He sadly smiled before his head hung low, from embarrassment and hurt, "Do you even remember how we hung out when we were kids?" He whispered to himself.

The girl couldn't take it anymore, "I changed my mind, I'm not going anymore. Go back to your team," She gritted her teeth. Inarizaki was done showering and got changed, she needed Bokuto to flee before they saw her talking to him.

Y/n walked away before Bokuto could even say a proper bye.

Stop. I need you to stop. Please, Ko.

Stop hurting yourself, please. It hurts me to see you like that.

Just.... stop.

Atsumu approached her with an energetic smile, "L/n, what's up? Is something wrong? Hey, talk to me," He softly said.

"Huh? No...I'm fine," She quietly said, sneaking a glance at Bokuto.

"Really? Ye don't mind if I treat ya to sweets after today, then?" He flashed a heartwarming smile at her.

She stifled a smile, "I don't."

"Great!" He chirped and pinched her cheeks but she swatted his hand away, "Though, if you hung out with the setter and captain of Fukurodani, I'll be mad," He pouted and pretended to be mad.

"Pfft," She snickered, curtaining her mouth with her hair so Atsumu won't be able to see her laughing.

The omelette head smiled, feeling satisfied that he made her smile. His heart throbbed as it yearned for a better laugh.

Someday, I'll make you laugh to me and your heart's content.

•

"L/n-san."

"What?" The girl blankly looked at Akaashi.

He was taken aback and was about to say something, but she cut him off.

"Ah—I mean, what is it, Keiji?" She faked interest. The boy got confused, but let it slide anyways.

He sighed, "Can I please talk to you for a bit? Before me and my team leave. I just want to talk to you about Bokuto-san."

"Why?" She pursed her lips and pretended to not care at the mention of his name.

The ravenette looked away when he caught Atsumu glaring at him. Fiddling with his fingers, he motioned the girl to follow him outside the gym and sit on the bench.

"May I ask why you're being harsh to Bokuto-san? It's really exhausting when his performance qualities drop when you do something discouraging," His lips formed a thin line.

The girl contemplated on whether to tell him the truth or not. But since Akaashi seemed like a trustworthy guy, she decided to do it.

Is it really worth it? Would it change a thing? Would it make things worse?

Thoughts flooded her mind and she suddenly felt indecisive. She felt so much like an ass and the thought of it makes her stomach churn badly. It was never her intention to be this way, in fact – she doesn't even know why she needs to do this method when there are other alternatives.

"Am I that harsh?" She quietly started.

He exhaled and ruffled his hair with a lazy hand, "Pretty much. Konoha-san told me earlier that you like me, by the way. And he also said it was one of the major reasons why Bokuto-san's affected," He said straightforwardly, not even bothered at the news that Y/n likes him. It was pretty much obvious when she still studies at Fukurodani—he just chose to ignore it.

"I don't like you," She blurted out with a blank face. Y/n turned to Akaashi, who wore a shocked expression, but remained calm.

"How?" He asked, not knowing what to say.

She leaned back on the bench and looked at the sky, "It's complicated."

"I still got time," Akaashi pushed. He was really curious at the twist she executed.

The girl heaved an inaudble sigh, "I need him to hate me."

Akaashi was beyond confused—he wasn't expecting this at all. He remained silent, giving Y/n the idea to continue.

"Ko is... what do you call it? Precious, really peculiar," She started.

Y/n fiddled with her fingers slightly, "I'd never let anything or anyone in this world hurt him, except me, I guess. I'm a crappy person, I know. And I admit—my reasons are stupid."

".....Why would you want Bokuto-san to hate you, L/n-san? Judging from what you said, you seem to take a liking for Bokuto-san," Akaashi frowned.

She smiled a little and shook her head, "I love him—like a brother."

"But–then why?" Akaashi was torn between feeling annoyed and confused.

The h/c haired girl's fists tightened, "I can't make him like me."

"If he did, he would just get hurt," She continued and bit on her bottom lip.

"What do you mean??" Akaashi decided he was confused.

She frowned, "I can't return his way of love for me. I don't have the needs to reciprocate. I can't control my feelings and make myself like him back as more than a friend or a brother—it's wrong. Forcing feelings just so I can respond to him is worse than hurting him in the way I'm doing since last school year."

"Seeing him try so hard and not get the hint to give up already, it also hurts me too. That's why for two years I pretended to like you in a way Bokuto wished I did for him," She looked down in shame.

Akaashi's brows furrowed, "If you knew it was wrong to force feelings, why are you doing it to me?"

"Does it matter? We're just friends. There's no strings attached so it's not really considered wrong, I guess," She casually said and crossed her arms.

Ouch? Akaashi flinched.

"It's still wrong, what you're doing," Akaashi said and leaned back on the bench, "You can just tell Bokuto-san to stop, and be honest with your feelings for him. That you only see him as a brother."

"It's hard, Akaashi," She shook her head. Akaashi winced when he realized she called him by his last name and not the usual first name basis.

"How?" He asked with a raised brow.

"Knowing Ko, it's really hard to make him stop when it comes down to things like this. I know because I've known him for 6 years," She sighed and looked at Akaashi by her side, "That's why, I decided if he has enough hate for me, he'll eventually stop. I can't bear seeing him hurt everytime."

"But then I ponder, is this way really right? Is it the best option? Are there other ways to solve this and I'm just too stupid to know it? I'm an asshole, Akaashi."

Akaashi stayed silent, not knowing how to respond. Before he could mutter a word he thought carefully about, Bokuto exited the gym doors with a smile—about to approach the two.

Y/n's eyes widened. She grabbed Akaashi's hand and intertwined it with her, acting like she's happy.

It was enough to shatter the last piece of his excited heart.

It's for you, Ko. You'll understand eventually.

Akaashi was dumbfounded. He has this mixed pity, concern, and disappointment for her.

Bokuto hurriedly got back inside the gym, tears threatening to spill out. His heart pumped painfully, his mind hazy.

—

if ure confused, here's a clearer explanation:

y/n wants kotaro to hate her so his efforts can be cut short, y/n doesnt want to force her feelings just so she can return his affection–she believes it was wrong and executed through force, that it seemed fake and meaningless. she's hurt just as much when she hurts him though.

it's true shes so stupid, even i who made her felt annoyed

every chapter, im slowly forget this is a m.atsumu fic lol

but dont worry!! more atsumu fluff in future chapters <33