Book Title: Notorious Five

Author: renegxde

Genre: Action/Thriller

Chapters Reviewed: All chapters so far (Intro + 23)

Reviewer: @MidnightKoala

Note: I will try and be as constructive and as polite as possible regarding areas that I think can be improved but still remain honest. It is not my intention to be harsh or rude but if any of my comments come across that way, I do apologise sincerely. I am not always right and sometimes my opinions may be different to yours so please do tell me if you don’t agree with something I’ve said or want to discuss further - I am more than happy to. I hope the review is helpful! ❤️

TITLE: 

I think your title is the perfect length - it’s not too short which would lose its effect but it’s not too long and complex either which would make it awkward. I also like that it’s nice and catchy. Notorious is a strong and intriguing word - it immediately hooks me in and makes me wonder what your story is about. It’s a fitting title as well since it makes sense to your plot and just overall works really well! 

COVER:

Your new cover is stunning! I don’t think I can say anything against it. I am a huge fan of the deep, maroon background and the font/sizing/spacing of your title is impeccable. Usually, I would be against using a small f for the word ‘five’ but I think in your case, it works really well. Your images are just something else. Skylar’s profile facing the side and the silhouette of the ‘notorious five’ is just flawless! I especially love the overlapping and the colours of the images - it’s very professional and a really eye-catching sight; if I saw your cover in a bookstore or library, I would definitely pick it up! You’re a design graduate, of course - you know what you’re doing. 😉

BLURB:

Regarding the blurb, I do have a few pointers. Your first line is: The five friends of Trenhold are your typical high school seniors. To me, that is cliché. I have read so many blurbs where the first line is something about ‘your typical high school kid’ so it doesn’t particularly invite me to read more. It also feels like a contradiction with your next part when you talk about ‘unsafe neighbourhood’ and ‘guns’ because those are not typical things in a teenagers life. 

I do like the rules of three when you say: They have broken family ties, trampled hearts and live in an unsafe neighbourhood. A world of guns, lies and unsolved mysteries are normality. And this line a while later: A world of anxiety, shattered memories and hidden pasts are clawing their way back. Your usage of words here is amazing - trampled hearts, shattered memories, clawing their way back - I absolutely love those phrases! 

However, although a rule of three is an incredibly powerful tool in a blurb, it should be used effectively for maximal effect. Having too many rules of three can make the flow a little clumsy, especially if using two in a row. I would suggest keeping one of these rules of three or keep two of them if you have them a few lines apart. You could integrate the phrases from the other one(s) into other parts of your blurb or remove them if necessary.

How does the entrance of a stranger cause hurricanes of change? This line is absolute poetry - I really like it! But it doesn’t quite fit in with the rest of the blurb - the transitions between the paragraphs (or lines if they’re one line paragraphs) aren’t as smooth as they could be. I feel like they could link together better and your blurb could have some sort of overall structure.

I think the ending is again a little awkward: If the elder siblings confess, will Skylar finally be at peace? Or, has the story just begun? Firstly, I think it might be better to introduce the main character near the start of the blurb - it’s not clear at first glance who Skylar is, especially since the reader knows nothing about her at this point and can’t connect to her or her role in the plot.

Also, at this point, I’m confused as to what the elder siblings need to confess. Perhaps you’ve done it that way intentionally to build mystery but you haven’t mentioned the older siblings at all before this so I feel like it’s an awkward question to ask without the reader knowing who the older siblings are or how they’re related to the main character and plot. And personally, ‘or, has the story just begun?’ isn’t a particularly intriguing last line - I believe it could be more creative and make the reader ask more questions, enough to want to open the book.

My overall impression of the blurb is that it doesn’t give me enough information - I don’t think it’s actually long enough to properly build sufficient interest for your story, despite your story being exceptional. It doesn’t tell me who Skylar is or what her purpose in the story is or the basis of your plot. It doesn’t ask the essential questions that establish the foundations of the plot. There are definitely aspects I liked, don’t get me wrong. Your poetic way of words is just something else and I’m honestly so inspired by your writing style. But I do think the blurb has room for improvement.

Please don’t think I’m attacking you - blurbs are incredibly difficult to write and I have personally found with my own blurbs that they can sometimes be even harder to write than the story itself! It’s a difficult balance to obtain where you need to reveal just enough to hook a reader in without giving too much away. I would suggest building a solid idea in your head first about what exactly it is you want your readers to know before they begin the story and what is the best way to portray that. Introduce Skylar earlier on and establish her role in the plot, ask the right questions to pull the reader in and alter a few of the sentence structures for better flow. You’re golden. 😉

OPENING:

Firstly, I would suggest having the chapter name as ‘prologue’ instead of ‘intro’ and removing the word ‘prologue’ from the start of the chapter. I feel like that would sound better but that’s just a personal preference.

I have read @questint’s review on this prologue section and I agree with everything said so there isn’t much else I want to add in terms of things to improve. I just want to compliment a few things!

A first line should pique a reader’s interest enough to continue reading. And I believe that you’ve done exactly that. Your first line: The true tests of friendship. Amazing. It’s simple but catchy and intriguing, it just immediately hooks me in. Nice job! 👏🏽

Your prologue is just the right length - it’s not short enough to give too little information but not too long to lose the reader's interest. The prologue also asks more of the right questions and gives more details about the characters than your blurb. It builds the mystery really well and in fact, I think this would make a better blurb than the one you currently have. Perhaps, you could merge the two together and turn it into the blurb? Just a thought... 😄

Again, I can’t stop admiring your descriptive skills. Forced into a madhouse of past decisions. The horrors of their buried mistakes. Your poetic way with words is absolutely phenomenal and really grabs my attention!

And your aesthetics are, of course, beautiful! They’re so accurate in reflecting the characters and their personalities. This might just be a personal preference but I usually like aesthetics or pictures at the end so we can ‘see’ the characters’ personalities and development through your writing rather than through the images. But nevertheless, I love them and they’re what inspired me to make my own aesthetics so thank you! 

Moving on to the opening of your first chapter. “Skylar!” isn’t the most creative or unique first line but I think it works here because of your next part: It was too gruesomely early in the morning for that kind of energy. This line immediately made me chuckle and I already have an idea about the personality of two of the characters within the first few lines. I don’t think the bold is required for Skylar’s name. Personally, I think it doesn’t feel professional, but it’s your choice. 😄 

The first chapter should hook a reader enough to want to continue reading. I believe you’ve done exactly that. I love how you introduce the new characters with their names in one word paragraphs - that’s quite unique and I definitely think it works. Your first chapter is really intriguing and immediately pulls me into the world of your characters that you’ve so intricately designed. You don’t rush in your pacing and you accurately take us through their day, hinting important things about the characters on the way. I immediately understand the characters and relate with them and the background to the story is so clear and well portrayed; the descriptions in your writing are also absolutely beautiful. It’s a great first chapter and makes me want to continue (which, of course, I did!)

TECHNICAL ACCURACY: 

In terms of spelling, there are, of course, a few typos but every story has those and it’s nothing a thorough edit can’t fix. I always leave a comment if I notice anything but it’s not often so nice job. *virtual high five* I think this would be a good time to mention... *clears throat*... matching SHIRT? Ahem… *rolls on the floor laughing*. I will never forget that - it was so hilarious, I laughed for so long hahaha! 😂

Anyways, back to seriousness. Stop snickering - I can still hear you! I do think punctuation, grammar and sentence structures, on the other hand, could be improved a little. Looking at punctuation, it’s usually misplaced commas that I notice. A few examples from your first chapter:

It was glued onto our forehead for years, any prank henceforth made to a teacher or student, immediately got traced to us. 

Here, the commas are a little mixed up. I think it would sound better with a semicolon and without the last comma like this: 

It was glued onto our forehead for years; any prank henceforth made to a teacher or student immediately got traced to us.

“Absolutely perfect,” I mutter completely exhausted… This might just be a typo but you need a comma after the word ‘mutter’. 

“Sure.” Rhea sputters out… Again, might just be a typo but it should be a comma after ‘sure’ and not a full stop. 

Your grammar and sentence structures can be awkward on those rare occasions. For example (again from Chapter 1):

As we filter inside, the room smells of lavender. This implies that the room begins to smell of lavender as Skylar and the group are entering the room. I think you meant: We filter inside and the room smells of lavender. However, these sort of awkward sentences are very rare in your writing and the majority of the time, your sentences are exceptionally well written! Another suggestion here is that your description seems a little simple. Again, usually your descriptions are extraordinary and very detailed but perhaps this one can be enhanced a little? E.g. We filter inside and the delicate aroma of lavender swirls into my nose. Something like that?

Another thing I noticed was that, sometimes, your tenses get mixed up between past and present such as this example from Chapter 1:

Half of the class breaks into a fit of laughter, that I didn’t quite understand. 

Here, the word ‘breaks’ is in present but ‘didn’t’ is in past. (I also don’t think the comma is required here.) I think a thorough edit will fix these tense shifts so it’s not a big issue. There aren’t many of them anyway - just keep a lookout for them in future. 😉

Overall, your technical accuracy is much better than a lot of stories I’ve seen on Wattpad. I’m just being very picky! Your flow is clear and understandable, despite these minor nitpicks, and your grammar and sentences are top-notch. It just needs to be refined and perfected during edits. 😊

PLOT AND FLOW:

This will probably be the shortest section because there is barely anything to fault here! Your plot is absolutely phenomenal and your story flows beautifully - this is definitely your strongest writing skill. The way you build mystery and intrigue and keep the reader on their toes is exceptional! Normally, I would go through certain parts of your book and tell you specifically what I loved about them and what could be improved, if anything, but since I’d already read your book a while back without taking notes of the good parts, that’s a little harder to do in this case! I will just mention how I’m so inspired by you and your writing style and I have learnt so much from you and your work! I hope you keep writing and inspiring and sharing your talent with the world! ❤️

CHARACTERS:

This is another of your greatest strengths. Your characters are so intricately crafted and their personalities shine through the book really well. Each character is unique and has their own little quirks and traits. I believe you have a natural flair for character development - truly outstanding work! As a reader, I immediately fell in love with your writing style and how you present the characters - some characters I despised (Mack), some I adored (cough Noah 😏) and some I have conflicted feelings about (Jaxon). The way you express their personalities is so wonderful and unique and that’s why I’d love to see the aesthetics at the end because I can already feel the characters’ essences through your beautiful words! Again, a very short section because there really isn’t much to fault here!

OVERALL ENJOYMENT:

I can’t even begin to explain how much I am enjoying your book. I am desperately waiting every day for new updates (but do take your time, love! 💕) because of how engrossed I am in your story. I have enjoyed reading Notorious Five since day 1 and I haven’t read such a good book in a long time. Your ideas are creative and unique and you have a very imaginative sense of style. If you work on editing and refining the story when it’s done and work on getting that perfect blurb, you’ll be absolutely smashing. I don’t know how you’re not famous yet with millions of views because you totally deserve to be up there! There are so many positive things about your book and very little to fault so I hope you’re not disheartened by any of the points I’ve mentioned that could be improved. I usually focus more on the criticisms than the positives so it might look like there’s less good stuff but I promise - there definitely isn’t! 

I hope this review has been useful - I think it’s been a great learning experience for the both of us! I’m so excited to see what you have in store for the rest of the book - whatever it is, I know I won’t be disappointed. 😉

Good luck for your writing journey and I wish you all the very best! ❤️