I can't fall again. His touches are overpowering me. I'm trying so hard to fight it, but I can't.

After minutes of still locked in this blissful kiss, I broke away an gasped for air. "That was intense."

"Baby, come here. I need more, I miss your touch," he said as he walked up to me. He had his eyes closed still. He was in a trance. I walked backwards to get away from him.

I won't give in. Not this soon, that is. I love Michael, I really do. I just can't do this. Maybe I'm being unfair to him. I mean he always tells me how he feels, or what he feels, while I on the other had don't.

Communication is always the first step, right? But falling in love will not happen again. I don't think I've ever falling out of love with him.

That man, Michael Jackson, has my heart. He has been there, always. He puts up with me. He fights for me. That's love. I don't fight for Michael, I don't. I can honestly say that right now because it's true. I'm always getting things handed to me, I'm spoiled and think that everything I want is suppose to get handed to me, but it's not, I have to earn and fight for what I want, but I don't. I've never fought for what I wanted.

That has to change. I'm pregnant with his child, and I don't want my dau--I mean our daughter to be like me; nor, Michael. I want her to be better than us. Not in a spoiled bratty way, but in a way that when she grows up and be herself and no one else. I want her to be a leader an not a follower. I don't want her to follow in Michael or my footsteps. I want her to follow herself and no one else.

Michael continued to walk towards me. He was now only inches away, when he finally opened his eyes. I spoke up and out of breath for some odd reason, "Michael, wait...wait a minute."

I kept feeling pains in my stomach every 6-9 minutes, it stopped then started once again when I walked around him. I ignored it and went to sit down on the bed.

"Baby, are you okay?" He asked concerned.

"I'm not your baby, an I'm fine Michael." He ignored my first statement and didn't believe my second one. I could tell because of the look he was giving me. It was sort of an 'yeah right' mixed with an 'stop lien' look.

He finally spoke up after he came and sat next to me. "Can I?" I looked at him confused for about a minute or two, then said

"Can you what?" He smiled, that lady killer, falling in love smile than said

"love you." Not this again. It's like as soon as he said that, the pain came back. I scrunched up my face, then held my hands tightly around my stomach.

"Fee, what's wrong with you?"

"Nothing, I'm fine." I looked away from him and stood up. Maybe if I walk around, the pain will go away. I began to walk towards the door when he stopped me.

He got up, walk towards me, and stood before me looking into my now hazel eyes. They've changed and I could tell, by the way he looked into them.

"Where are you going?"

"To walk around. Why? Where are you going?"

"I was just making sure you wasn't going to leave me again."

Awwn...look what I've done to him. He let his head drop and he rubbed my stomach. Remember when I said that he fights for what he wants? Yeah, he's doing it again.

He doesn't even want me out of his sight, I mean of course I'm pregnant with his child and could have her any moment now, but even if I wasn't it would still be this way. I've destroyed him. We need to talk. Legitimately talk things out. He's so hurt and I can tell and see it. There's no doubt about it.

He grabbed my hand and led me back to the bed. He lied me down on my side and sat at the end of the bed. He started to rub my aching feet and god knows it felt so good, I needed this massage.

I closed my eyes and the pain went away as soon as Michael spoke. "Let me tell you something," he let go of my feet, got up from the end of the bed, and slowly lied down in front of me, all the while I'm pouting. I opened my eyes and said

"Yeah?" His eyes instantly filled with love, passion, honesty, and joy.

"I love you, I really do." his smile widened and I knew why.

"Why are you smiling?"

"You're eyes changed purple. That means you feel loved. That makes me happy. Am I making you feel loved?"

"Michael, you are honestly, and I know this. I know that you love me."

"Do you love me babe?"

I know and feel the love I have for him so without hesitation I said "yes." he smiled and said

"Say it. Say you love me." Sometimes I wonder about him. He just have to hear me say it?

"Michael--"

"In Janet's words: say you love me. Just one time. God knows I do. I do love you." I smiled, but it quickly faded. The pain in my stomach returned, and I started to pant. I got angry really fast and I don't know why. It was an awful feeling and I couldn't stop it or bare with it.

"Michael," I started panting faster and I held onto Michael's shoulders tight. He continued, but sung it

"I love you so much, I wouldn't trade you for anything, 'cause you'll always be my baby." I would love for him go continue, but I don't think that now is a great time.

"Michael, please stop"

"What? You don't like my singing now?"

"No, I do--I mean it's not that Michael, please just stop. Can you help me to the bathroom, please?"

"Then what is it?"

Oh my fucking God!! Fuuuck Michael, why does he have to be so difficult?! Can't he see I'm in fucking unbearable pain?

"MICHAEL! Can you stop it! I'm not your girlfriend anymore, and you aren't my boyfriend. I don't need to answer that question now!! I'm obviously in pain, either you help me, or get the hell out!!"

DAMN IT! It hurts so fucking bad. What the hell!? Why is it.., why am I hurting so bad? Am I miscarrying again? Oh God, I hope not. Wait, I can't be, this feeling is different from the one when I was having a miscarriage.

Michael rushed over to me and tried to touch me, but I pushed him away.

"I'm trying to see what's wrong with you," I started to curse him out in Spanish and English. "stop swearing, our baby can hear what you're saying. It's not healthy at all so stop doing it."

That statement reminded me so much of what my father told me. When I was little, I would curse at my cousins because they would always take my Barbie doll and steal Ken from me.

My dad would always say 'you know, of you keep in with that potty mouth, then when you get older and start dating, and you're in love with that one special person, he'll probably hate it. You have a very bad mouth. I wonder where you get that from'

I'd always say whatever I hear, I say and it was always either at school or home when a new bad word came into my vocabulary. I couldn't help the fact that I was growing up around bad language and around it.

"Michael" I lulled. Why am I hurting like this?

"Tell me, what's wrong? I'm here baby. Tell me."

"Stop fucking calling me that--ohh, oh fuck. Goddd!!. Something ain't right" I said bending over a little.

"What's wrong? Fee, baby tell me what's wrong, please. A closed mouth won't get fed unless you tell me. Open your mouth and speak to me."

I couldn't talk all of a sudden, so I pointed to my stomach. It's happening, and it's happening right now.

"Is she hurting you?" He asked concerned I still couldn't even speak. I was trying to calm myself. It was like calming a little child from having a terrible nightmare. I nodded my head.

"When does it hurt--" my phone started to ring on the night stand. We both look in that direction at the same time.

I slowly walked over and grabbed it. Michael watched me as he was interrupted.

He looked like he wanted me to not answer it, but since I'm in soo much pain and feel like being a tyrant, I decided to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Fee? Hey, how are you? How's my baby girl or boy doing?" It was Zack. Great. A problem I have to deal with now. I should have told him about the babies. It slipped my mind...completely.

Michael started to sing softly and the pain instantly went away. Thank God. I wonder why that happens? Maybe baby girl loves to here daddy sing? I don't know but I thank God the pain stopped.

"Hey Zack." I spoke feeling uneasy.

"Hey again, how are the babies?"

I sighed. "Zack, I need to tell you something,"

"What's wrong Fee?" This is tearing me up, I can't tell him-- "what's the matter? Tell me."

"They're gone."

"What do you mean gone? you gave my child up for adoption? You can't do that without my consent as well as my signature stating that I agree with giving them up."

"I didn't do that Zack, I would never give my kids up for adoption."

"Then, what is it?"

"I miscarried them." the memories of that day and week flashed into my brain, and my vision became blurry with my now formed tears

"I don't think I heard you clearly, you say what now?" I knew he heard me, he just wanted to see if he heard correctly and for me to clarify and confirm it. And so I did.

"I miscarried them,... all of them. The day I got back together with Michael, in Japan."

It was silent for a few minutes, then , heard soft fatal sobs. He was crying. That broke my heart. "Baby, what's wrong?" I asked him. I could see from the corner of my eyes the look Michael was giving me, and trust Meehan I say it wasn't a pleasant one.

"You had my first child, I wanted that child. Sofia, you don't know how much it meant to me. I've always, since we've first met, wanted you to have my first child, but it won't happen. When Michael told me that you were pregnant with his and my child, I was... I don't even have a word for the way I felt. Now that feeling is mutual to me. I want and need you to be the mother of my first child, we can't anymore because you're with Michael--"

I quickly objected. "I'm not with him, but I am pregnant with his child, a baby girl, I'm nine months and can have her any minute."

"What?"

"Yeah, I found out when I was two and a half months."

"Oh, congratulations." He sounded hurt. I hate hearing his sad voice, I can help him, I mean I'm not with Michael so, I don't have to ask for his opinion. without hesitation, I said.

"I can help you."

"How?"

"After I have my baby girl, a few months later, I can have your first born. I promise. Would you like that?" His voice filled with excitement; meanwhile, Michael is looking at me confused. I ignored his stare and listened to Zack on the other end of the line as he screamed from joy. I wiped my tears from my eyes.

"That sounds great, you would really do that for me?"

"Yes, how about that be your birthday and early Christmas gift from me."

"Oh God, you don't ever haw to give me another Christmas present, this is all I've ever wanted. Than you so much, I love you. God, I swear if I were with you right now, I'd tell you how much I cherish, love and appreciate you." I smiled. The pain in my stomach had pretty much subsided or laxed down.

"Don't thank me, you know I've always had that soft spot for you. What time is it?"

"Yeah I know but thanks anyway. And it's 10:09am. Today is January 26, 1987 why?" Wow, I was right all along. Cody think he knows what he's talking about, but he was wrong.. Ha! In his face.

"Just asking. So how have you and Madison been?"

"We've been good, great actually."

"Well, you have to tell her our plan about the baby. I don't want you all to go downhill since y'all are doing great now."

"Ok, I'll tell her now, she just got in. Talk to you later. Bye, love yah and stay safe."

"Love you too, bye" we both hung up the phone at the same time. I caressed my stomach and looked up. Michael was still starring at me confused.

"What?"

"You don't want to have my kids?" It was now my turn to look at him confused.

"Michael, what are you talking about? I'm still pregnant with your daughter and could have her any minute and time now."

"I know. You only want one kid?"

"Nope, after I give birth to my--I mean our baby girl, three months later, Zack and I are having one together."

His face fell, he looked down, away from my stare, slowly turned on his heels, and walked out.

"Michael?" I called after him. he ignored me and continued to walk away from me.

I stood slowly and carefully and walked after him. "Michael, where are you going?"

I caught up to him and grabbed his hand. "Michael, what's wrong?"

"What, I don't get an 'baby, what's wrong?' From you?" He mocked from my previous phone call. "If you don't mind, I'd like to be left alone." he walked back into the room.

I told him okay and grabbed my suitcase and out all of my things that were on the night stand or on the bed.

"What are you doing?" He asked. I zipped up my suitcase and rolled it to the door and as I was leaving, I said

"I'm leaving you alone. I'm giving you time to yourself and by yourself. Goodnight Michael." I closed the door and dialed Cody's number on my cell phone.

I don't want us to be on bad terms. I want our baby girl to come into this world with an happy mommy and daddy not an upset mommy and daddy that can get along. I love Michael and he knows I do, so with that being said, I'm going to give him his space and time to himself to let him cool off and think about things.

**

She wants to have Zack's child...again?

Why?

I love that girly to death, I need my Sofia back. She's not the same anymore. I need her back. I can't give up now.

I want my daughter to be around mommy and daddy at the same time, not over my house one day then hers the next. That's the worst way a child can grow up.

I want my baby girl to have a calm, serene, and peaceful childhood. If we can be and stay together, Sofia and I that is, and if we find serenity and happiness together, then we can e a happy family.

"Wait, did I just come up with an name for my baby girl?" I asked myself.

"Serenity. that means calm, peaceful and serene. Serenity? Let's see, how about I practice with that name:

"Serenity, stop writing on he walls. No, Serenity, stop eating the crayons."

Hmm, that's not so bad. I use to always tell janet to stop eating crayons when she was little. Her favorite one to eat would be the purple one.

Purple...a color that reminds me so much of Fee's eyes. They turn that color whenever she feels loved. they turned that color when I told her that I love her. "Janet,"

"Janet Damita Jo Jackson" I repeatedly said her name. I love my baby sister to pieces, why not give my daughter a piece of her.

Wait...that name, Damita Jo , my mother named Janet this, I forgot the reason behind it, but it meant something special.

Special...I know what I'm going to name my baby girl: Serenity Damita Jo-Michael-Katherine Jackson.

That's a long name, but I love it. It'll fit perfect for my little girl. I cannot wait until she is born.

I need to call my now eight month other baby girl, Emily. I know right, she's growing so fast. I can't wait until she meets her little sister. That's funny, Emily is not even walking or talking yet, and she has a little sister now.

I got on my knees and began to pray

"Dear god, I need you to help me. I need you to make sure that I am a great father to my beautiful daughters. I promise right now to you, myself, Emily, and Serenity, my unborn child, that I will do everything in my power to keep them safe and get back with Sofia.

"I am Michael Joseph Jackson, and I promise my two baby girls: Emily Renée Presley-Jackson and Serenity Damita Jo-Michael-Katherine Jackson, that they will have a family, one with mommy and daddy. I promise to always be there for and with them.

"I promise that nothing, NOTHING will ever break us apart. I promise to continue fighting. I promise my life to them. I promise to always fight for them, and God, if you still are listening, I pray that you look over my family, and all of the children over the world. I pray that you look after them and help cure any sickness that they have.

"And God, if you can do me this one last favor; would you please look over my kids, Sofia, Lisa, and make it clear to Sofia that I'm never leaving her. Can you make her come back to me? In your name, I pray to you, Amen."