"I'm sorry," Idelle said, ducking her head. "You're right, I've been undermining you without meaning to."

Aelga held her mouth open, eyes wide, probably shocked that anyone had listened to her. She quickly hid it by clearing her throat and wrapping her arms around her chest. "Well, yes. Thank you. I hope you'll see that I can think for myself now."

"Of course I do, but I also have to press my own opinion, which is that Thellamy is a risk we need to control."

Aelga rolled her eyes, throwing her hands in the air. "I've made my point on him and so have you," she said. "But I've also made my decision, and that's to let him freely walk through certain parts of the castle. He's not allowed outside or near the living chambers, but he can visit the kitchen or the libraries, or whatever he chooses." She leveled her gaze at Idelle. "I know we can reach through to him. Kindness is strong. Stronger than magic."

Idelle bit down on her teeth. She could argue that magic was far stronger than kindness, as she'd seen before, but it would do no good. This was a battle Aelga was willing to fight, and that meant Idelle would have to follow along. Just like in the trenches, she didn't always have to agree with the leadership about the next step. Her duty was to follow orders and do her best to create the best possible outcome. If Aelga was going to start making her first forays into independent thinking, it was a good thing. She was becoming a queen, not a puppet.

"I'll honor your wishes," Idelle said. "And my men and women will as well."

Aelga sighed in relief, heading back to the couch to flop down on it. "Oh thank goodness," she said. "I'm so tired of fighting everyone all the time. They never listen to me."

Idelle smiled crookedly. "I can relate to that. When I first took charge of the Guard, I think I could have screamed until I was blue in the face and no one would have even turned their heads in curiosity."

"What! But you're so tough. I'd think anyone would listen to you."

Idelle laughed at that. "I've been in a few wars, but nothing like the combat the Guard has seen. Torran was a little optimistic about my abilities. Any of the Guard would be a better leader than I am." She realized too late that she had used only Torran's name, but Aelga hadn't seemed to notice the lack of title.

"No, I think you're perfect for the job," Aelga said, nodding her head as if she was settling the matter. "Experience isn't the only thing that matters."

"Exactly. So you don't need to worry about your youth or that you've only been ruling for a few weeks," Idelle said, crossing over to sit by her side. "Just like me, you've got something else that they should respect."

Aelga looked at her lap where her hands were clasped tightly together. "It's all nice to hear you say such things, but I don't think the others will care much."

"I had some advice, when I was struggling," Idelle said. "I was told that I had to show them I was a fighter. That I had a spark inside of me that outshone my age or the lack of years I've had on the field." She tapped her knee to make the point. "It's the same with you. There's a fighter, a queen, inside of you. You just have to let them all see it by speaking up and holding firm. You showed me that side today, and though I don't agree with your plan, I'll respect it because you said it as my queen."

Aelga glanced up from under a torrent of red curls and a small smile crept up the corners of her mouth. "Thank you," she said. "It's hard to think as if I'm a queen. I thought all my life that Aengus would be the one to take care of all this. It's hard to wake up each morning and realize that, not only is he gone forever, but that I have to take his place."

"My brother..." Idelle paused, not sure she should share anything at all about home. But Aelga looked brighter at the mention of Idelle's family, and now Idelle felt it hard to stop. "He also took over after my father died. He runs the household and the farms around it. It's a lot of work, and he spends many days agonizing over decisions and funds and offers from others. He wanted to be a healer, and he still practices it, but he can't focus all his attention on it." Idelle gripped a handful of her legging's fabric. "I don't know what I would do if he was to die. The hurt of his passing, but also being forced to take over something I never thought I'd have to deal with."

Aelga inclined her head. "We sometimes don't quite appreciate what our older siblings do for us, do we?" she asked. "Not until they're forced to stop, for whatever reason."

Idelle nodded her head, suddenly feeling the sting of tears in her eyes as she thought of Drystan and his sparkling eyes and easy laugh. She hadn't thought much of him or home at all, not since she'd snuck away in the middle of the night, but now his memory burned in her chest. Aelga must have seen it, and placed her hand gently on the top of Idelle's.

"Is it just you and your brother?" she asked, soft and coaxing.

"No. My mother, too." She didn't want to think of her mother's slender hands wiping away childhood tears or her warm arms wrapping up fears in the dark.

Aelga smiled softly. "It's all right if you miss them, you know. It doesn't make you seem weak or unsuited for being Captain," she said. "I miss my mother and brother fiercely, and I wish that I could still see them. You've got a gift, so please don't try and hide it just because some people can't understand how strong a brother's hug or a mother's voice can be."

Idelle nodded, knowing that she couldn't let Aelga know that she was perhaps never going to see her brother or mother again, either. It wasn't death, but it was a divide that was hard to overcome. She had known that as she crept out of her room and into the starry night those few years ago, and she had known that as she shut the door and left her family sleeping soundly, unaware of the space she was leaving behind forever.

Idelle straightened up and stood, cutting the conversation before Aelga wanted to know more about Drystan and Mother. It was better to keep them in her heart, away from eyes and ears.

"Well, I'll take my leave now," she said, sketching a bow. "I'll let the Guard know, as well as the regulars, that you want Thellamy's privileges extended. It should be in effect by tonight."

With that, the two parted, and Idelle made her way back out into the castle and the library. She still had a few hours to study, and she craved the quiet rooms, surrounded by books, that would let her think about all that Aelga had said to her.