i feel it
my walls are breached,
my defences crumbling down

M A D D I E ♛

Silence.

That was all I heard after Chase's mom left us here, silence.

Oh sure, there was the coursing of the river, the singing of the birds and whatnot, but between Chase and I? Silence.

It was weird because I was used to him always talking and laughing, but now he didn't even put up a smile.

As expected, he was angry at me. I remembered what he told me last night, a warning to be exact.

But everything that happened, me attacking his mother were situations that at that time, were out of my control. I thought he would understand me on that because at the short span of time that I knew him, he seemed to--

W-w-wait. Am I acknowledging that he seems to understand me?

My thoughts caused me to choke on the sandwich that I was eating and I started coughing. Chase was quick to grab a cup of water and give to me. I was still coughing when I took it from him and drank it.

When I got rid of the piece of food that obstructed my esophagus, I took a deep breath and drank the rest of it.

"Are you alright?" Chase asked, I was surprised when he was now right beside me, a knee on the ground, a hand on my back, assisting me if I needed anything else.

"Y-yeah, I'm alright, thank you." I say. Chase pulled away and stood up.

"Are you done then? I still have work to do."

That made me feel disappointed for some reason. What followed next was frustration. Frustrated that he was acting like this, he didn't even give me a chance to explain to him and he's being mad at me!

I held my tongue, I didn't want to fight with him and feel even worse. So I stood up and started fixing the leftovers back in the basket. I hurried in doing it and Chase even tried to help me, but before he could hold anything, I snatched it away quickly and put them in the basket.

Without saying a word, I started walking back to the pack. I heard him shuffle beside me and I stopped in my tracks when he tried to take the basket from me. "I'll carry that." he said.

I didn't let go of the basket though, so it was both of our hands holding the basket at either ends. I stared into his hazel eyes and he didn't seem to appreciate it because his eyebrows met.

"What?"

"If you have something to say to me, say it. If you want to take revenge for what I did to your mom, do it. I'm always up for a fight." I lash out, frustration clearly making itself known.

"Is your solution to everything really just fighting?" he asks. I could hear that he was equally frustrated. There was a tone of mockery and disbelief in his voice which unnerved me.

My breath was already getting shorter, my patience threw itself out the window by his question.

"Yes! Because it's all I've ever known in my life, Chase!"

Fighting has been the solution to the problems I've ever encountered, whether it be to save my own life or to save the life of others. There was no room for hesitation, I had to trust my instincts at every threat possible.

I wanted to say that to him too, but I could already feel a lump in my throat, a damning pain starting to arise.

Chase was stunned for a bit, but then he recovered. "Well I hate to break it to you but that's not the solution to everything."

I bit my lip.

I wanted to tell him that I knew that. I wanted to explain to him how everything was new to me, I wanted to explain that learning that I'm one of the moon goddess' warriors was still a shock to him. I wanted to explain that I was new to feeling the care of others.

I wanted to explain that the feeling of having someone like Chase was confusing me and frustrating me.

I wanted to explain that I hated myself for trying to hurt someone close to him too.

But I couldn't. I didn't know how. Would he believe me? Would he even listen? Would the words I say even matter?

Would Chase understand me?

"I'm going to pay a visit to the rogues." was all I ended up saying as a realization dawned upon me. I let go of my end of the basket and turned away from him, feeling extremely bitter and angry.

No, he won't. Chase won't understand me.

♛

I paid a visit to the rogues. I was glad to see them doing well. At the very least, it looked like Chase fulfilled his end of the deal.

The barrier that I cast was still strong, but I strengthened it just to be sure.

There were guards guarding the vicinity of the small settlement and Andrew told me that they've been getting enough provisions. They've settled down and were adjusting well but he said that everyone missed me.

That made me smile, I missed them too.

"Did something happen with your mate?" Andrew asked when he was walking me back as I bid my farewell to everyone. It was getting dark and I knew it was time to go back to the pack.

I turned to Andrew. "Is it obvious?"

Andrew laughed.

"No, just a wild guess. I was kind of hoping there was." he joked and laughed some more. That earned him a fun push from me.

"It's just... hard to communicate." I admit. Wow, this felt so sappy.

Thank goodness, Andrew didn't press on the matter though. I wasn't ready to talk about it. I didn't want to talk about it. Remembering how Chase and I always clash brought my energy to the lows.

We were close the pack border now. I turn to Andrew again. "Well, I will visit again soon. Make sure everyone's safe."

Andrew digs his hands onto his pockets as he smiled.

"Don't worry about us and live your life from now on, Maddie. That's all I wanted for you."

That made me stop. I smirked at him.

"Haven't I been alive this whole time?"

Andrew chuckled. "You know what I mean. Till next time, Queen of the Rogues." I roll my eyes at him and waved my hand lazily.

There he was again with the title.

Queen of the Rogues.

I remembered the person who first called me by that title.

His name was Finn. He was ten years older than I was. He and his mom found me when I was just seven years old and decided to take me in, after they killed some rogues that tried to kill me first. They had just been banished from their packs and were making a name for themselves in the rogue community.

I was scared of them at first, but since they took pity on me, they never tried to kill me.

Finn was strong, he taught me how to fight at an early age. He taught me everything I knew, he was the one to discover my own abilities.

The three of us, along with his mom were just busy surviving as rogues. I was too young to know then, but thinking about it now, Finn used my abilities to gain an even greater influence within the rogues and even... packs.

I was aware of Finn and his mother's hatred for packs so the fact that they would deal with them was always a questionable thing. But I didn't question it.

I trusted him although he warned me not to repeatedly.

But everything changed when his mom was attacked and killed by pack wolves. We weren't there at that time, we were dealing with other rogues when pack wolves ambushed the little hideout we had for years and killed her.

Finn hadn't been the same since then, he became worse. He became more bloodthirsty to the point that even I didn't agree with him anymore. Until the day that I left.

I shook my head. Why am I thinking about him? Forget him.

But then I smelled an unfamiliar scent in the air. Rogues, but not the normal ones. These were humans that were forced into being wolves. I stopped my track. I was so close to the pack border, but sensing this now, I knew I had to follow.

Something about their aura, something about their scent that was... weird. Yet familiar. As if it belonged to... Finn.

No, that's crazy. All this thinking about Finn is just making me imagine this.

I will warn Andrew not to call me by that title anymore.

The wind blew coldly, the leaves were swept easily. The scent was really there, there's no doubt about it. That's Finn's scent alright.

I stood in place, pinpointing where the scent leaded.

No doubt about it...

My heart started beating loudly. The last time Finn and I met, I almost got killed.

He was angry that I didn't side with him. "If I can't have you, no one will Maddie. You're mine, your power, all of it, it's mine." That was the last thing he told me.

He kept insisting that I was his, but I knew that it was only my power that he wanted.

It was already night and very dark in the forest, I probably shouldn't venture deeper, but I ignored the warnings.

If it really was Finn... if it really was him, what would I do?

I swallowed hard and stopped myself from following the scent even further. I can't. I have to stop.

But it was already too late.

Soon, a bunch of soulless rogues attacked me. The kind of rogues that have been strangely appearing lately. Strays was what that other moon goddess warrior called them.

I was quick to start defending myself against them. It wasn't hard to fight them because they were relatively weak. In less than minutes, I counted four lifeless wolves on the ground.

I released a deep breath when I couldn't sense any more enemies around. But then I heard someone clapping not far from me.

My eyes widened and my heart dropped when I caught a whiff of the scent.

I turn towards he was and took a defensive stance. I immediately cast a protective barrier around me.

I saw Finn emerge from the back of a tree. He was tall shadow in the dark his eyes seemed to glow eerily. But I could still make out the outlines of his face. He's changed, he seemed to be even taller and buffer than the last time I saw him. Right, the last time he effortlessly threw me off the ground and almost killed me.

"Exactly 34 seconds. That's how long it took you to beat them senseless, I must say, I'm proud." he said.

"Is this... your doing?"

I could see him smirk even through the think darkness that covered the forest.

"Does it matter, Maddie? As you can see, they're still weak. But I will prefect them and soon I'll be the strongest werewolf. Won't you come with me Maddie? Isn't that what we always dreamed of?"

I grit my teeth. He's became sicker than the last time I saw him.

"Stop this madness, Finn." I warn while discreetly strengthening my barrier.

Finn snorts and shakes his head disapprovingly. "Oh Maddie. You're still a child, you do not know about power yet. You've been rebelling against me long enough now, it's time to come back. Come, Maddie." he says again and starts walking towards me.

"I said I won't ever be part of your craziness! Leave me alone!" it was almost a plea. Finn has been hunting me for four years now.

Hearing that, his eyes sharpened and he had a cold and dangerous glint. That told me he wasn't happy with my disobedience and he was about to fight me now.

I jumped back, turned away and started running away from him.

My heart was beating hard against my chest.

"You can't escape me Maddie, you're mine." I hear him say from behind.

That tone of voice sent shivers down my spine, it was as if it crawled under my skin.

"Bring her to me." I heard him say lowly and all of a sudden, his presence was gone. He wasn't here anymore.

All of a sudden, Strays appeared out of nowhere. There were more of them now. About a dozen. And unlike before, they seemed to be stronger. Some of them up a fight.

I was still running as I was fighting with them.

I just need to get near the pack border...

One of the Strays managed to create a break over my barrier and that surprised me. No one ever broke... no, never mind that. If it was Finn, he would know.

I stopped to fight briefly with them and it confirmed my suspicions. These Strays were made exactly to capture me. They attacked my weak spots, my blind spots and the only one who knew me enough to know my weak spots was Finn.

I also noticed that they were carrying a syringe with them and they were furiously trying to hit me with it. They weren't trying to fight me, they were trying to hit me with whatever was in that syringe.

I was busy fighting agains them when Chase's scent appeared. Soon enough, Chase and Owen fought the Strays off with me. As I kicked one of them, I made the mistake on checking if Chase and Owen were alright.

Damn it.

I feel the needle prick my thigh.

I could feel the poison quickly weakening me.

It didn't take long for it to steal my consciousness away.