far away in my distant memory,
and deep into my heart,
is the forgotten you,
remembered by the haunting melody
of your sweet lullaby

M A D D I E ♛

I felt like I was watching my past.

"Madeline, that's the name left on this handkerchief. That must be your name." Sherry said. She was the very first rogue that took care of me. She was the one who found me. I guess you can say that she was the closest mother figure I ever had as a child.

But she was killed trying to protect me from another rogue. Fortunately, that rogue let me off saying that I wouldn't survive long anyways and that he didn't want to stain his hands with a child's blood.

The next rogue that took care of me was Mike. He was older and stronger than Sherry. He said he reminded me of his daughter so he protected me. But then we were ambushed by another group of rogues and he was killed trying to protect me again

I was found by a younger rogue after that, his name was Stan. I was six when he found me and he was thirteen. He tried his hardest to protect me, but he was also just child so when we accidentally met humans out on haunting, he wasn't strong enough to keep me from being taken away.

The humans brought me to a human town, their scent nauseated me. It naturally made me feel weaker. They brought me to a place called an orphanage with a bunch of other human kids. I noticed that there was one werewolf kid too but she didn't seem to realize it.

She lived her life as human, fully believing that she was one. I once asked her if she believed in werewolves and she simply laughed as if what I was saying was silly. Hm, I wonder where she is now.

I managed to escape that place before I went crazy, I convinced that girl with me but she didn't come and I didn't have the time to convince her some more.

Right when I returned to the woods, as luck would have it, I met rogues which immediately tried to murder me. And that's when... I met Finn and his mom.

♛

I stirred, my body felt heavy. Everything around and in me hurt. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was floating in an endless sea of pain.

The pain was unlike anything I've ever felt before.

And then I hear it again. A lullaby.

The melody was haunting me, it was as if I was still missing something important. I felt like each sound creeped under my skin and that made me feel terrible.

And then I see a lady by a rocking chair. She was beautiful, her long red hair reminded me of mine. She was nursing what looked like a newborn baby. She was singing a lullaby... the haunting lullaby.

A man entered followed by a little boy. They both had the same grey eyes and while the man had black hair, the little boy had red hair similar to the woman and mine.

Who?

There was a nostalgic feeling, like I knew them. But I didn't. This was my first time seeing these people. There was no way I could know them. But that lullaby...

I've heard that before.

It felt like there was a hole in my chest. I felt empty yet heavy. The load of emotions were starting to eat me up again and like all the other times, I didn't know how to deal with them.

It would've been easy if they were animate things that I could slay so I can stop feeling this way, but they weren't.

The man and the little boy that entered stood near the lady carrying the infant. They were curiously observing the child all with smiles and laughters but then they look up. This time, they looked straight into my eyes. The lady was still singing her lullaby.

"You're mine." the little boy said, but his voice did not belong to him, it was Finn's voice.

I screamed.

I wanted to wake up from this nightmare. Whatever this was, I didn't want it anymore.

Someone please...

And then I feel hands that rested on my shoulders, shaking me lightly and gently enough to get me back to my senses.

When I came to my senses, I saw Chase in front of me. I was feeling really hot, I could feel sweat trickling down my face and my heart pounding really fast from the nightmare.

And then I couldn't hold it anymore, I broke down. I sobbed uncontrollably in front of this man who claimed to be my mate.

Chase wore a very perplexed look on his face, he was clearly worried as he rested his eyes on me. He didn't say anything, he probably didn't know what to. Instead, he embraced me. His strong arms enveloped my body that right now, felt so weak and frail. At this point, my tears were just falling down and I was just crying.

Chase started gently rubbing my back as if comforting me. "Shh, it's okay. You're safe now, I'm here. No one will hurt you, I promise." he said.

He kept repeating his words as he held me tightly and rubbed my back to comfort me from this incomprehensible that I was feeling right now.

I don't know how long it took, but after a while, I finally calmed down. I was no longer sobbing, but I was still shaken up. I tried to remember what happened last.

Ah, right. Finn.

"Wh-what happened?" I ask, after a long time. Chase finally let go, distancing himself but not too far and I was glad about that to be honest.

Chase sighed and hang his head low as he sat at the edge of the bed. "You were attacked by Strays. I'm sorry, I was too late. If only I had gotten there earlier, you wouldn't have been in danger." he apologized. He sounded dejected, sorrowful and regretful. He truly meant the words he said.

To me, that was quite new. I still wasn't used with people apologizing for things like that. You can't always guarantee someone's safety. There was no need. But hearing it from Chase seemed different, it seemed to soothe my worries.

I shook my head. "No, there's no need to be sorry, but how long was I out?" I asked. I turned towards the window and saw that it was still dark out. It must've been very late at night because I couldn't hear any significant noise around. Everyone must be asleep.

Chase didn't answer for a while. His hands were clasped together, but I could see his veins showing meaning that he was hardly pressing on his hands. Is he angry?

"Two weeks..." he disclosed.

My eyes widened. T-two weeks? The poison was that strong? I felt like I hadn't even been sleeping for a day yet.

"The poison is something Kasen has never seen before. It spread too fast in your body and your system were shutting down one by one. Thankfully the Luna of Panselinos came and was able to help." Chase paused and looked at me.

This time, I could clearly see fear in his eyes, he was shaken up too and he looked terrified when he told me. "I thought I was going to lose you." he confessed and lowered his head to my shoulder, resting it.

Although I was surprised by the turn of events and the fact that Finn's poison incapacitated me for that long, seeing Chase look so distressed my heart leaped, but also mourned for him. I must've worried him.

It was at this moment that I realized that no matter how much I tried to push him away, no matter how much I tried to deny him, he had already started to infiltrate a bit of my heart. And that's when the conflict started.

But I chose to ignore that, for now, we had this moment.

Instinctively, I also rested my head above his and we stayed like that for a while.

A lot of thoughts crossed my head, a lot of what ifs, a lot of should and shouldn't.

I was always so resolute about living my life as a rogue and helping other rogues who just wanted a normal life. I never considered a life in a pack, it rarely crossed my mind and whenever it did, I brushed it aside because the idea was so comical.

But here I am, in a pack, with a mate.

"I'm sorry, it was because of me that you got attacked." Chase started.

"How so? You weren't the one who attacked me." I answered, in my head there was the picture of Finn, the boy I grew up and thought me all that I knew.

"If only I hadn't made you mad, you wouldn't have left. I'm sorry, I was being stubborn with my anger."

Ah right, that happened.

I took a deep breath and released it. I didn't speak at first, I didn't know whether I should tell him or not, but I ultimately decide to.

"Did you know? Ever since I came here, everything has kind of been in a mess. A lot of things happened and there's so many things that are new to me that I didn't understand. And you were probably right when you said that I was scared. I was getting so confused with so many things, I didn't understand how I felt so that naturally made me angry."

I could feel that Chase was listening intently to my words. It was strange yet natural that I was able to tell him how honest I felt. It's... kind of nice.

"And then there was you."

Chase finally looked at me, he was alarmed as his face scrunched up with worry of what I was about to say. It was quite adorable and that made me smile.

"Me?" he questioned.

"Yes, there is you. Above everything that had been bothering me, you are the greatest. I'm sorry that I don't understand what being mates truly mean and how precious it must be to pack wolves. You conflict me in every sense and it frustrates me that I don't understand how I even feel about you. All I am is sorry for being your mate, you deserve someone better."

As bitter as I felt saying the words, I know them to be true.

Based on the stories I heard from the rogues who used to be in packs, mates are your soulmates. They complete each other and cherish each other.

But then Chase smiled and shook his head. To my surprise, he lifted up his hands to touch my cheek. Immediately, the sparks flew, but this time it was stronger.

I looked at him questioningly. "No, you are mine as I am yours. If it weren't you, it wouldn't do."

My heart beat even faster when he touched his forehead against mine. His breath fanned my face and the air started to get hot.

I was even starting to get nervous, why am I getting nervous?

What is he doing?

Chase chuckled softly, noticing my bewildered state. "You... you don't understand this situation don't you?" he asked but then he laughed. He was teasing me.

I pouted.

"Wh-what do you mean?" I ask, my heart still frantic.

With that, Chase smiled and came closer and then, his lips touched mine.

I didn't understand but it felt like my heart was about to jump out of my chest. J-just wha--! Isn't this...

ISN'T THIS WHAT THEY CALL A KISS?!

My eyes widened at the act and when Chase pulled away, he had a smile on his lips.

"Oh no, what should we do rogue? I just stole your first kiss."