my minds betrays me because i still think of you

C H A S E ♔

In the morning, I stared at the ceiling above me and I thought of what I was doing currently until Owen or Kasen barged in my room to wake me up.

When I forced myself out of bed, I drowned myself in work until my mother barged in and forced me to eat and to make her happy, I did.

During the day, I buried myself in my tasks and the things that I needed to get done. Visiting the area that had complaints over filth contamination, fixing an issue regarding our lack of weapons, training with the pack warriors and so on and on.

I made myself as busy as I could so as not to have idle thoughts, but at the end of the day when I had to visit the encampment of the rogues, I couldn't help but think of Maddie.

It had been three weeks since she left me at Cassian's pack to try and avenge a rogue that died under the attack of Strays. I wanted to say I was angry at her, but I couldn't. I was too worried for that.

However, it was her choice and who was I to go against that?

Right when I met her, I knew Maddie wasn't one that can easily be bound in pack borders, in shackles and heck even relationships.

She was strong and independent and she knew that. But I just... I just wished that she would've thought of me before she rushed in any decisions.

Truthfully, I did feel betrayed because in some way, I thought she felt the same as me. I couldn't bear to lose her, I thought she would've felt the same. I guess not.

The mate bond has been very painful lately, but it was bearable. One of the only remedies I had was visiting the room that she occupied when she was in the pack house. The room was still filled with her scent and it helped a little, but I know that can't last forever.

Another problem arose when people started asking where Maddie was. The pack wolves were concerned about their Luna. It was high time for her to accept the position, but now she's gone.

In the beginning, they were very understanding of the fact that she was a rogue and I knew how hard that was for them. Some of the pack families have lost family members because of rogue attacks and to accept a Luna who was a rogue was hard.

All the more, the encampment of rogues was a hard thing to accept for some pack wolves. Some were not too comfortable with the idea. They understood that they are Maddie's people, but that didn't mean they would be very accepting of them.

Just the other day I had to talk to a pup who threw rocks at the encampment and screamed "Strays go away" at them.

A minority of them have requested to have them kicked out and although I understood where they were coming from, I couldn't do that.

I heard from Kasen that she asked a favour to keep them here until she came back for them. And plus, I wasn't too heartless as to let a group of people without protection just out into the woods where they were clearly targeted.

I sighed and leaned my head against the chair and stared at the ceiling. I found myself back at square one.

I closed my eyes and regretted it because she was the one I saw. Her fiery red hair that was as fierce as her, her emerald eyes that always seemed to calm me down and her smile.

And then the questions start to come.

Would I ever see you again?

M A D D I E ♛

"You do know that this is the best for poison right?" the moon goddess put droplets of liquid from the crystallized container in my mouth.

It was only a few drop but I could feel the liquid taking effect all over me.

I opened my eyes to see the astral beauty that she was and although I wanted to get up, my body was extremely weak and heavy.

"Am I dead?" I asked her.

It seemed impossible for me to survive that last fight. All the more, the poison from Finn's blood was so potent that it took effect in mere seconds and it quickly shut down most of my organs.

The lady smiled and shook her head, the moon lily ornaments on her head shaking lightly along.

I breathed relieved and closed my eyes. Chase was the first one that came in mind and then my family, and then the rogues and the other warriors.

I couldn't be gone, no way.

They were waiting for me.

"You are always too rash, Dynamí. Haven't I told you that being patient is a quality of a warrior?" she reprimanded and I knew it was about me attacking Finn without much of a plan.

I admit, she was right, but I was just too angry and in the end, I'm not sure if I was able to avenge Andrew or not.

"It was for a friend." I excused.

"But there is a time for everything. Now you have made all those who care for you worry about you and have risked your precious life in a futile way."

"I'm sorry..."

She shook her head again, but ultimately smiled. She stood up and dusted her white glowing dress.

She stood over me and spoke again.

"Rest up and return."

And with that, my eyes closed slowly.

Water.

Flowing water.

I opened my eyes and found myself lying in the ford of a river. The sky was bright blue above me and the clouds were big and fluffly.

The water was cold and along with the wind, it was even colder and made me shiver. I had realized that I was lying down on a cold body of water.

My body still felt heavy and weak, but I could move. I remembered my dream, but it wasn't much so a dream. It felt too real.

When I tried getting up, I dropped back in the water which was painful because I ended up falling on some rocks. So the second time I tried getting back up, I did so slowly and succeeded.

When I was sat up,  I noticed that I was wearing the same white dress that I had been when the moon goddess was treating me. 

If that isn't kind.

My head was throbbing against my skull and I swear I haven't felt as weak as I did today. My legs were wobbly, but I still tried to move. I managed to crawl to the banks of the river and one I reached land, I immediately collapsed again.

Just the simple act depleted my energy.

As I lied on the ground, I recalled what happened. I almost died, that's a fact. 

When my wolf took over, I shifted and remember running madly away from Finn's territory. Strays were after me and I could remember the little girl's cries as well as Finn's angry scream as to not let me escape.

Running as much as I could with the poison attacking my body, my wolf reached a cliff and with all the Strays behind us, she decided to jump.

'It was a suicide.' I tell my wolf. I could also feel how weak she was, but I knew that she was here with me.

'It was for the better. I would not let us die in an undignified way. Jumping was better.' As usual, in moments like those, my wolf made better decisions. 

I don't know how long I laid in there until I tried to get back up and crawled to the nearest tree I could. I leaned against one and by that time, I was panting again. 

The birds were flying away now and the sun was beginning to set. 

I was in a very dangerous position right now. I had no idea where I was, the sun is going to set soon and I had little strength left. 

If ever I encounter some rogues who wanted to fight me or if ever I unknowingly trespassed into a pack territory, it would be very problematic. 

But for the moment, the sound of the water flowing calmed me down and the wind, although cold, relieved me.

Just a moment of rest...